Dating Advice For When You Meet Someone New

Some weeks ago, we had an interview session on the blog and to a large extent, it served as a great eye opener to issues like marriage, relationship, destiny, parenting and all. This week, this blog being a blog that is all about sharing and helping one another through life’s journey, it is my pleasure to bring to you a few of the things I’ve learnt over time as a result of dating; especially the mistakes I have made that I have learnt from and need not make again. Why would I want to extend these lessons to you despite the personal attachment I have to them? Because this blog (as said earlier) is all about sharing and learning. I learn from you through the comments and mails sent, and you perhaps learn from me through the blog posts posted from time to time.

Before I go ahead to share the lessons, I would like to say that the lessons are meant to serve as a guide and a form of help should you find yourself in a similar situation, but then, it is advised that the tips be mixed with intuition so as to holistically personalize it to your situation; so you can get maximum and intended results. So what are these tips? For time and space sake, I guess I would give just three, so- Here:  

1.       Pace Yourself

What do I mean by pacing oneself? I mean it in the way of saying- do not be too carried away by the new wave. So you meet this guy, he meets your fancy and immediately you kick it up, talking for hours and hours on the phone. Well, the issue here is not talking for hours and hours, the issue is minding the things you say as you talk for hours because this ‘relationship’ is still new and there is still a little idea where it could lead to even though in your mind you think it’s that one relationship you’ve been waiting for and it is no doubt leading to marriage. Well, dear Miss, permit me to say you are not God (of which you are not), only God knows the beginning to the end and at that, knows what and what would lead to desired ends in your life.

What happens when you say too much too soon? You might actually be giving the guy too much to handle, and as a result, the ‘relationship’ might be jeopardized when the guy retrieves into his ‘men corner’ to think. During the time he retrieves, he as a matter of fact might stop calling and texting which as a lady might send a lot of wrong signals into your brain. You begin to feel rejected, perhaps dejected and to an extent- used.

When you have those talks that lasts for hours at the initial stage, it’s better it’s full of general talks, and not too deep personal talks because in the case the relationship does not work out, you might feel a bit violated, vulnerable and betrayed. And this as a matter of fact might cause you to be cold to the next person that comes your way thinking he too would do the same and ‘run away’.

Pace yourself for the personal talks so you don’t end up revealing too much in a very short space. It’s like giving a hungry man a full and filling meal, for him to take another meal, he has to digest the one he has eaten first and to digest the meal, a deal of time would be needed which would make him reject every other meal you try to give him out of your innocent intention of being a great host.

Be a smart lady, and to a possible extent, try to be the one in control of the conversation pace. Don’t be unduly carried away by the emotion and euphoria of meeting someone new and the possibility of what it could lead to. Allow things to happen gradually. Instead of impulsive outbursts, allow things to unfold at reasonable paces.

2.       Control your emotions

It is often said that when at the brink of a new relationship, men come to the table logical, women come emotional. In as much as to an extent we as women are emotional beings, it will be helpful to know when to control our emotions so we can see in a way that is clear and not so full of sentiments. There is no doubt a level of euphoria gotten when we meet someone new, especially someone we think might be ‘the one’ at last(!), but then, a major sign of maturity as humans (male or female) is how much we can control our emotions in the face of impulsive outbursts. We must not allow our emotions dictate for us. We must be willing for nature to take its course without trying to force anything. Now, this might be an area I have a problem with and still working on. Not that I am emotional, as a matter of fact, I am so logical, logical to the point that it sometimes scares me, but then the issue lies in the fact that in the midst of my logical sense and permutation, I do not fully allow patience to take its full course. I always want to know the end from the onset which sometimes might not be feasible. And in the bid to quickly know the end, I make so many mistakes and most of the time find myself back to square one.

In essence, I would say- control your emotions as well as your logic. Calm down and prayerfully allow nature to take its course instead of you trying to control somewhat prematurely the outcome. Relax, pray, do your reasonable part and have a firm trust in God to perfect everything in His time.

3.       The last one would be Independence

Never let yourself go because you found a man. Never allow all your happiness to revolve all around him to the point that you neglect all the things you used to do and make him your sole focus. Never forego the frequent company of your friends and the things that matters to you because you found someone you think is the one. Learn to live, and actually master a balanced life. Learn to gain your spice from everywhere, not just a source. Don’t literally sit by the phone all day waiting for him to call or text, have a life regardless of the emotions that seems to have emanated from the perceived new beginning. That is why to a great extent, self-control should always be our best friend in everything we do, both in our relationships and in our careers. Thankfully I learnt the basics of this some years back, but even with that, I guess it is a habit that one has to constantly hone because the hype derived from new dates/relationships varies from time to time.

To end this post, it’ll be good to bear in mind that I am not giving all these advice because I got them right, I’m giving them because I got them wrong and having learnt from the mistakes, would not want you to make the same when you find yourself in such circumstances.

 Till I come your way again, I remain your friend, blog host, life’s student and sharer. Do enjoy your day.

Photo Credit: HappilyDivorcedAndAfter

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What’s the time please?

This is a question we ask people when at times we go out casually and as a result fail to take our wristwatches or at best- our phones, or perhaps in reverse the question people ask us when they fail to do the same. The time as at the hour of writing this article is 12:16pm, but then let’s assume instead of writing, I am reading (say in San Francisco USA) and you are reading as well at the same time (say in Baltimore USA) and through some means I ask you- “what’s the time please?”- Which time are you most likely to give?- Your own time right? Omitting the fact that we are not in the same location even though we are in the USA together, and the fact that we probably do not know ourselves that much to know.  

Time is of huge essence on the face of the earth. But then, not only on the face of the earth but also to God, being the Holder and Director of time itself. This we can see in many instances in the Bible, but most especially in Ecclesiastes 3 where times and seasons were spelt out. The organized thing about God is the fact that He has everyone’s time under control. And majority of the time, He has different timings for everyone, our ages notwithstanding.

A look at John the Baptist’s life, it could be seen that he began his ministry very early in life due to the peculiarity of the assignment he was given. But then, come to think of it, Jesus and John the Baptist were relatives, and in some ways, a word had gone ahead of them both even before their birth. John’s prophecies never really took long before it started manifesting, unlike Jesus who started His ministry at a much later age of 30- the time where John’s ministry had already gotten prominence and everybody had known him all around the town. What if they never got to know about the word that had gone ahead of them and they were either angry or jealous of each other owing to comparison and the fact that they were just months apart? Besides, remember the start of Jesus' ministry led to the decrease of John the Baptist's? ("...He must increase and I must decrease- John 3:30...") That's why as an individual, it is critical to understand not only your purpose, but also your place in life.

When it comes to timing and destiny, comparison no matter the seeming proximity of the person you are comparing with is of no use, because in the end, God has different plans, and at that- different timings for everybody under the sun. Your time is different from my time, and my time is different from yours no matter the yardstick people watching seem to use. A look at Paul, he started his ministry few years after he was saved, meanwhile, Jesus Christ Himself whom he served all his Christian life even though He knew about His ministry quite early, didn’t start until the age of 30. How about the likes of David, Joseph whose dreams in some ways were put in their hearts at teenagers but never got to reach their potential till the age of 30? Or even Moses who never began till the age of 80 despite the peculiarity of his birth?

In other words, when it comes to matters of destiny, if you ask your neighbour or your friend- “what is the time please?” you are most likely to get a very wrong answer because in the Kingdom, we might seem to live in the same geographical area so to say, but with different business (assignment) dealings.  Literally in the kingdom and based on assignments, you might be in Nigeria and have a New Zealand wristwatch and it’s working for you despite being 11hours ahead; your neighbour living in Nigeria as well but with a Nigerian time might miss it when he asks you the time and you tell him what the time on your own watch says. You might cause him to miss his flight in the sense that, his flight is still 11hours early, but because of the time you told him, he is down casted and rushing, thinking he has missed his time; whereas in actual sense, all he needed to do was relax and get occupied because his flight was still 11hours ahead. You get my gist now?

So in life, and in whatsoever you do, learn to seek God’s timing, never human timing. Remember His ways are not our ways, neither are His thoughts our thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9).

Do have a great day.

N.B: In case you missed the powerful interview SWB had last week with Dr Samuel Ekundayo, you might want to check it out here; perhaps the interview I had with him is why New Zealand formed a part of my ‘sermon’ today, it was that powerful. Read it, enjoy it, and have a great day.

Photo Credit: Dreamstine

An Interview With Preacher, Author and Speaker: Dr Samuel Ekundayo- A Straight From The Heart Talk About Purpose And Marriage

Happy new month people, welcome to the month of May. May this month bring great tidings to us all in Jesus name.

Today on the blog, I have a good news. I will be sharing a full and insightful interview had with the very Dr Samuel Ekundayo. Dr Samuel Ekundayo is an Author, Speaker, Preacher and a prolific Thought Leader. With a Ph.D. in Business Information Systems, he lectures full time in one of New Zealand's higher institutions as an IT lecturer. As a purpose teacher, he holds series of seminars and trainings, one of which is the famous few minutes ‘motivitality’ series frequently posted on his social media handles.

Why am I excited about him being on the blog? I am excited because his words aside from being full of wisdom and reality, contains insights for humans in literally every phase of life: Insights for teenagers, singles, married, parents and most importantly, his words addresses the sole reason why we are here on earth- purpose.

Without further ado, kindly sit back and relax as I bring to you- the wisdom packed interview had in the course of the previous month with Dr. Samuel Ekundayo. Enjoy.

SWB: A very good morning to you. It’s such a great privilege and honor to have you here.

DSE: The pleasure is mine and thank you so much for the privilege of featuring on your blog. 

SWB: Can our readers meet you please?

DSE: My name is Dr Samuel Ekundayo, popular called “The Purpose Preacher”. I am an author, preacher, thought leader and motivational speaker. The Mandate of God on my life is to help people discover God’s purpose for their lives so they can maximize their potentials on earth and be who they were born to be. I am also a full time academic and researcher.

SWB: How was growing up like for you?

DSE: Growing up was not easy but God was good to us. My parents could not afford most things but miraculously, at every point of need, God would show up for us. I remember there was a time things were really difficult for my family and my parents had to resolve to farming in order for us to survive. I am not talking about mechanized farming here. I mean the typical petty farming to eat daily. Life was tough and challenging but that was only a season. God brought us through all that.

SWB: At what point did you know what/who you wanted to do/be in life?

I believe that was at the age of 14. I just knew I enjoyed speaking and preaching and would always teach my mates in class. 

SWB: What triggered your dream? 

DSE: At that age, I started to discover my love for teaching so I decided I was going to become a professor. Since then I would call myself Le Dynamique Professeur (The Dynamic Professor) or “Professor Smart” and my friends would call me that too. Some of my friends still call me that till date.

Moreover, thank God for godly parents, since I was young, every day, my parents would play the VHS of ministers of God like Reinhard Bonnke, R W Schambach, Billy Graham, etc. They soon became my favourite thing to watch. Also, my Dad got me books like “I saw Heaven” by Roberts Liardon when I was 8. He really wanted me to see heaven too, like Robert. I didn’t see heaven but I met Jesus as that was the same year I gave my life to Christ – November 30, 1993.

SWB: What were the things you wished you knew earlier about life, and what advice would you give to the upcoming generation?

DSE: I was blessed to know quite early what I wanted out of life and where I was going. However, at the time, I was not aware of the principles and values to get me there. I was just hoping for miracles instead of learning principles. See, the way God designed life, principles are what sustains miracles. If you don’t learn the principles required for your life, miracles would soon cease and you would be left wandering – just as Manna ceased in the wilderness. I was blessed to have loads of miracles help me through but as things got tougher, I knew I needed to get tough too. I needed to learn the principles to sustain the miracles in my life in order to get to where God’s taking me.

SWB: I read in your bio how a stranger from literally nowhere paid for your school fees. What effect did that have on you? And what can you tell readers out there full of dream but stuck on funds?

DSE: ARGH! If you get me started on this one, I tell you, we would not leave here. So, let me try my best to keep it short. The Bible says the steps of a righteous man are ordered by the Lord. Every time in the scriptures, God is fond us showing the destination to His people and not really showing the how they will get there because He reveals every step in the journey as we honour and please Him by trusting Him and obeying Him. 

On the journey to where I am today, one thing I have learned is, don’t wait for provision before embarking on your vision! If I was talking, I would have said that again to re-emphasize the point! Don’t let the lack of the provision you can’t see hinder the vision you can see. When you are sure you are headed in the right direction, when it appears you don’t have the resources, just trust God and keep moving. 

That’s the story of my life. Not once, not twice, God has used strangers to pay for my school fees. I am not talking about $1000 here. I mean someone writing a cheque of $15,000 at once! Not a loan! That day, in our house we were so in awe of God, we were all just rolling on the floor. It was at the brink of my dreams dying – the school was about to dismiss me and immigration were about to ask me to leave the country and God showed up. 

Hello there, are you reading this and you have a vision but you don’t have provision yet, two words – “KEEP MOVING”! Don’t let that stop you. I better stop here. I can preach a whole series on this topic because I have seen God at work personally on it.

SWB: What has been the greatest obstacle you’ve had to overcome so far?

DSE: There has been several obstacles in my life and all of them had taught me big things and deepened my knowledge of God and my relationship with Him. However, I think one really stood out and it was when I was some months into my PhD programme and the supervisors I had then started to doubt my ability to complete the PhD. In fact, they literally recommended that I be terminated from the course and that actually happened but God made a way because He is the way! Story for another day. 

SWB: There are certain days in human history that marks turn around in some ways, or perhaps some days something dawns on us more clearly due to an experience or a word heard- what is (are) the day(s) you will never forget and why?

A day I will never forget in my life was the day I first of all set my eyes on my wife (then, girlfriend). We met online in 2007 and started dating officially in 2008 but didn’t get to see each other until 2010 because we could not afford it. I was living in New Zealand and she was in Nigeria. Things were tough and tight then. It looked like an impossible relationship but God turned things around for us. Today, we’re married, living together in harmony with two wonderful boys. Ours is a story of God’s mercy.

SWB: What always reminds you of God’s Faithfulness and gives you the zeal to go on even in the midst of contradictory situations?

This question can start another sermon series oh. But I believe it’s looking back at how every time I struggled to pay my many school fees for my various degrees and God would just show up. I remember in my final year of PhD, I could not afford my fees; my parents could not help either. It was like my dream was going to crash. All of a sudden, my supervisor decided to make an exceptional case for me with the Faculty board of the school and a scholarship that was never on offer was granted to me. I just got to my office one morning to find an email in my inbox saying “Congratulations you have been awarded a scholarship…” This God is a faithful God.

SWB: What advice would you give someone trying to hold on in the midst of chaos all around? Would you like to use any personal story to encourage such person?

DSE: I believe I have shared so many personal stories already. To that person, hang in there. Whatever trials and tribulations you are facing now is only a season. One scripture in the Bible I love so much is 2 Corinthians 4:17 - For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory”. What you are going through cannot be compared to             where you are going to. Hang in there. God is working things out for you. Your darkest hour is the      start of the dawn of a new day for you.

SWB: What’s your take on mentorship?

DSE: My definition? I believe everyone should have at least a mentor – people you look up to, learn from and are accountable to. I have a few mentors in my life and they’re massively instrumental to where I am today by the grace of God.

SWB: How does who we are affect who we become at the end of the day?

DSE: The concept of identity is a very important one because without any idea of who you are, you are likely to lose the notion of God’s purpose for you. But when your identity is clear in God, you realise you were made for His purpose. Thus, you acknowledge Him in your life and everything you do and become gives glory to His name.

SWB: Greatness involves learning and unlearning things, what were the things you had to unlearn in the course of your journey, and also the things you had to learn? 

DSE:  Wow! Your questions are so deep, they are making me dig deep. One thing I had to unlearn late in my teenage years is becoming me! I had watched several men of God and people that

I was always wanting to become like someone. At first, I wanted to be like my Dad and then, I wanted to be Reinhard Bonnke and several other people like that until God opened my eyes to who He has called me to be and I began to see the authenticity of my identity and purpose in God. That changed my life!

SWB: Many people reading this may have been wondering- how do I discover purpose, what would you tell such people?

DSE: I have read tonnes of books on purpose and several advice exist on this subject but really, the surest way to finding your purpose without any trial and error is to go to God in prayer and ask Him to reveal to you why He created you. Purpose is the intent in the heart and mind of the creator of a thing. This means, the author of purpose is the creator. Only God can truly reveal His purpose for our lives to us. 

Having said that, practically, there are some things that are cues to our purpose and those things are our gifts and passion. According to Ephesians 4:7, all of us have been designed with a special gift. If we locate this gift, we would function at an extraordinary and supernatural capacity that will not only shock us but people around us and the entire world. You will discover this particular gift comes with an endless passion that gives you energy and sets you apart. It is important to stress here that, it is not everything you are passionate about or have passion for that is in line with your purpose. If you doubt me, go and watch American Idol and see many people carry the microphone to sing and you wonder how they got there. LOL

SWB: I was reading a book by Joyce Meyer some few days ago and she said at some points in her life, she thought she had no talent as she couldn’t sing, couldn’t sow, tend a garden or do anything that was considered a talent…. until she discovered that she has a mouth! I am a firm believer of God giving everyone at least a talent, but then, some talents are more obvious to the eyes and easy to discover than others, what would you tell people who think they have no talent, but seek purpose?

DSE: As I said earlier, every one of us have been given a special gift. The fact that you think you don’t have anything special does not mean you are right. In fact, I know you are wrong! There is something about you. On a practical level, I have created a purpose worksheet for people with this sort of belief. So, if you are reading this and you are interested, reach out to me and I will email you a copy.

SWB: Now moving on to marriage- You are married to -a treasure-  as you fondly call her, what has it been like doing life with her?

DSE: I actually call her my Treasure and Dudushewa. Doing life with her has been nothing short of amazing. I am not saying we do not have our struggle days; we do but overall, our alignment in terms of God’s purpose for our lives, principles, values and love for God trumps all those. 

I can confidently say I am glad I married her. She plays a huge role in shaping me to become the masterpiece God has in mind for me.

SWB: How has marrying your wife assisted you in the process of destiny? What advice would you give to a man full of dreams contemplating marriage about choosing a spouse?

DSE: It is one thing to marry a child of God, it is another thing to marry a purposeful and purpose-driven child of God. I believe one of the things I enjoy is that I married a woman that is purpose driven. It helps my ministry and my life and not just mine, hers too. We grow each other. We push each other to become the best version of ourselves.

So my advice to anyone reading this is make sure the person you intend marrying is going in the same direction as you. Don’t be carried away by chemistry and biology. Make sure your purpose aligns – it makes for a beautiful and glorious home.

SWB: Were there any myths you went into marriage with? If yes, how did marriage straighten you up by presenting you with actual reality?

DSE: HAHAHA. Daddy in the parlour watching film, Mummy in the kitchen cooking rice. I thank God for my parents and the way they brought me up to be very useful in the kitchen and to love cleaning. I discovered in marriage (especially away from home – Nigeria), Daddy cannot always be in the parlour watching film o. Daddy should be able to clean, do dishes and cook very well. Lol. Reality is, I do that so well more than I thought I’d be doing lol. Don’t ask how much o…

SWB: What place does marriage play in our destinies? How serious should we take marriage when considering marriage, especially as someone with a calling on his/her life?

DSE: As I have explained earlier, marriage can make or mar your destiny. Some people think marriage is just for procreation; it is actually the life that culminates life itself. If you miss it in marriage, the scar may never heal and if it does, it remains visible. If you have a calling of God on your life, as a man, the woman to marry must understand that calling and know her role as helpmeet for the calling. As a woman, the man’s vision must align with where God is taking you, otherwise you will be on your own! Amos 3:3 comes to mind, “can two walk together except they be agreed?” Notice agreed is past tense? It’s talking about destinies and purpose alignment. It is not just agreement by mouth.

SWB: Moving on to parenting- you are a father to two lovely boys, how would you advise parents to raise their children? - Especially in such a way that helps them discover purpose early in life?

DSE: Raising children intentionally and consciously is still something I am learning as well. Looking at them as mighty men of valour (I say this because I only have boys). Watching to see the special and unique gifts God has given them and spotting them early in order to help them nurture it. There are somethings we have noticed in our kids and we have made some investments in that direction to help them develop in that area. 

Also, special attention must be given to helping the child know who God is. That helps their self-esteem too and their confidence. 

SWB: What should parents pay attention to in raising their children?

DSE: I think I have answered that earlier.

SWB: What is the role of relationships in destiny?

DSE: Relationships and destiny are so intertwined that they are inseparable. Every man or woman in the scripture had one person at least that was their helper of destiny (e.g. Joseph, David) or someone that had to be cut out of their lives in order for them to reach their destinies (e.g. Abraham). Or people who relationships actually destroyed their lives (e.g. Samson, Demas). 

There is a prayer my parents taught me to pray and it is that “Lord, connect me with helpers of my destiny”. Powerful and profound prayer.

SWB: All said, life is about finding and creating a balance in everything we do, how do you unwind?

DSE: I play soccer a lot! I also read books (does this count as unwinding?). I play video games sometimes. I play the keyboard and love to sing. I fancy a good game of monopoly. I also love all things graphics from playing with Photoshop and doing some website coding here and there. I love me some photography and videography too. Let’s stop here before I start to look some kind of way hahaa. 

SWB: What’s your favorite verse of the Bible?

Psalms 16:8 – Since age 8!

SWB: What is your favourite book?

DSE: 1 Samuel – because my favourite character in the Bible is David!

SWB: You are a pastor, a lecturer, a writer, as well as a speaker, how do you balance all you do with being a husband and a father? 

DSE: Sincerely, this is an art o. It’s not easy but I manage. I have had to read about how to do this well and I think some of the things I am finding out helps. I guess in a nutshell, one has to be conscious and intentional about these various roles and plan ones time very well to ensure none of them suffers and one still excels in the end. Nonetheless, focus is key! In each of these roles, I have learned to focus on what is most important.

SWB: What would be your advice for singles- men and women alike- waiting for their life partners?

DSE: Don’t rush! Don’t fear. Let God guide you. Forget the hourglass shape or the tall, dark and handsome, choose a man or woman who genuinely loves God and understand God’s calling on his or her life first over other qualities.

SWB: What would you advise as the signs to watch out for in your partner as a single considering marriage?

DSE: Accountability to God and to people. If the person is not accountable to God, this is a No-No! If they have no relationship with God, don’t even go there. They will lead you astray. 

Also, if they have no one in their lives who can call them to order or someone they ‘fear’ or listen to, don’t even have coffee with them talk less of going on a date. They will never respect you, your parents and your entire family put together. 

Watch out for how they love and serve others! Anyone that does not genuinely love and serve others, will never genuinely love and serve you. 

SWB: Your foremost slogan is – live fully and die empty, how do we do that as humans?

DSE: Chai! I feel like you have done a thorough investigation into my life haha. I got that slogan from the late Dr Myles Munroe and I don’t stop saying it because it resonates with the mandate of God on my life and my personal resolution for my life. 

To live fully and die empty is to deliberately and intentionally making an impact in people lives daily with the gifts and talents God has given you. This brings fulfillment, individual significance, influence and most importantly, glory to God.

SWB: Before we go, If there was one word you would use to describe marriage, and another you would use to describe life, what would those two words be?

DSE: Marriage – Lifelong

          Life – Purpose

SWB: Any last word you would like to give?

DSE: What is a life without purpose? Nothing! Being alive without any idea why is living a meaningless life. Find why you were born and created today. Life is too short to live every day like a headless chicken, just running up and down with no clear direction. To find your purpose, you must connect to your maker. Only He knows why He created you. If you have no relationship with God or have fallen off the radar with Him, this is your opportunity to get back to Him. Accept Jesus into your life today.

SWB: Thank you so much for your time; it’s been a great joy having you here on this blog.

DSE: Thanks for having me. It’s such joy to be here too. I must say you drilled me oh!
SWB: Ha ha ha. But then, your answers too are take homes I would think about for a long time! So, tit for tat I guess...lol. Thank you once again for being here.

Dr Samuel Ekundayo can be reached on the following social handles

Facebook: Samuel Ekundayo (The Purpose Preacher)
Twitter: DrSamEkundayo
Instagram: DrSamEkundayo

Skype: dynamiqueprofesseur

Website: SamuelEkundayo.com