Life is a journey, so is our
self-confidence. It is a process that kicks off the moment we recognize the
difference between right and wrong; and also the moment we become aware enough
to compare our lives with that of others. It is termed a process because of its
progressive nature. As a result, for every new phase of our lives, we will need
an increase in confidence.
Our inability to build up
confidence per time results into low self-esteem; all because we insist on using
the confidence of a previous phase to handle a brand new, and at that- higher
phase. This in a way can be likened to a teenager insisting on sleeping on his
cot, despite his grown age. To dig deeper into self-confidence as a journey
rather than just a phase in our lives or something we possess once and for all,
it will be good to start with knowing what self-confidence is.
Self-confidence refers to the way
we view or see ourselves. It is what we see to be the reflection of us when we
look or think about ourselves: It is our inner self reflected back to our outer
self. It is something we must learn
and adapt to basically on our own.
In as much as factors and people
may sometimes contribute to it, the bulk of the work lies on us. That is why it
is called self-confidence and not people-confidence. It has to come from a
place on the inside.
If self-confidence is our basic
duty to carry out, how then do we generate it?
1. Spending
time with God
How beautiful is it when the
maker of a thing tells the product about itself? Wonderful, isn't it? Who else can
tell it better than the maker itself; the one who foresaw it, saw how good it
would be and decided to create it based on the goodness formed in his heart?
The strongest form of confidence
is the one we gain from the Lord- either through His Word spoken to us
or the one written to us. Spending time with God as a
Christian is necessary for a healthy self-worth and a great inner strength.
Spending time with God is
like an exchange. God gives us more of Himself even as He takes away (through
processes) our inadequacies. The more time we spend with God, the more we get
to know and discover ourselves. God exposes who we are to us (both who we are
at the moment, and versions of who we were originally created to be) when we
spend time in His Presence. Spending time with Him aligns us to His intent for
us upon creation.
A look at the life of David, spending
time with God gave him the inner strength to defeat all that needed to be
defeated in his lifetime. It gave him the strength to kill bears and lions with
his bare hands, and also imparted in him the knowledge to slay a man like Goliath
who was not only higher than him in height, but also in battlefield
experiences. Come to think of it, David was only a little boy when he defeated
Goliath, how did He come about such confidence and boldness even as a little
child? It was sure through spending time with God and God revealing who He
really is to him on the inside, a factor that reflected not only in the way he
saw himself but also the way he saw situations and related to people. His
brothers, even the king at the time- Saul tried to dissuade him, but because of
what He knew about God and himself, he knew he was well able and it was never
about his stature or age. Self-confidence gained through spending time with God
will make us defeat giants within and without.
Our self-confidence is never
about what people think of us, but what we think of ourselves and the eyes
through which we see ourselves. When we see ourselves through God’s eyes, we
see ourselves right.
2. Spending
time with ourselves
Spending time with ourselves
enables us to know ourselves in possible details and the areas in which we need
help/change. It helps us pay utmost attention to ourselves. Spending time with ourselves places the focus
on us for better reasons; we are able to decipher who we really are away from
the crowd.
When we spend time alone, we gain
insights into the opinions we have of ourselves; such opinions we can easily
divide into good or bad and therefore decide the ones which stays and the ones
which goes.
Quite a number of people know
nothing about themselves, and so, talk cheaply about themselves because they’ve
not taken enough time to think about themselves and mirror who they truly are.
They simply absorb other people’s opinions (both negative and positive) about
them without internally challenging them to see if that is really who they are.
Spending time with ourselves is
simply paying attention to ourselves, especially our inner yearnings, opinions,
desires and needs per time. It enables us to be sensitive to ourselves and our
needs.
Spending time with ourselves also
makes us know what soothes us and what doesn’t. It makes us fight our battles
in our own skin and not someone else'. This can be seen in the life of David
when Saul- the king offered him his armor. David was able to reject the armor because
he knew himself duly and what he could work in.
In the end, knowing ourselves
will save us from a lot of pain, shame and abuse.
3.
Cultivating a reading culture
Reading opens
us up and adds wisdom to us provided the right books are read. It widens our views about life. Reading makes
us grow in areas we should grow and as a result, prevents us from making mistakes
that would have been made. With reading, we really don't have to get to our old
age before we begin to ooze out wisdom and act based on it.
Reading is a
seed sown that grows up as a giant tree- a tree of wisdom. It literarily places
a ladder at our feet; making us see wider and better. It gives us a better view
of life- a much wider view and it sharpens our knowledge of good and bad. It
also helps us to efficiently separate needs from wants without comparing our
lives to others to determine what is needful.
Reading takes
us through time and brings us wisdom. It deposits into our present the wisdom
we would have gained in our old age through experience. It gives us an edge of
time and the opportunity to maximize it. Besides, knowledge is the vehicle
through which we travel through time to gain wisdom. Reading great books
provides such experience.
4. Developing
our skills.
There’s such confidence that
comes out of knowing one’s value. When we know who we are and what we as
individuals can offer, we will not be easily threatened (if at all we will be)
by other people- especially their successes. The better we get at our skill,
the more confident we become. Honing our skills and using them right contributes
to our self-worth in the long run.
Conclusively, to see ourselves
right, we have to be committed to the life we live. We have to be intentional
to live our lives the way God intended and expects. We don’t have to be perfect
to live in confidence, we only have to be receptive to God’s Word and committed
to spending time with Him; and also pay attention to ourselves (especially our
innermost self), and cultivate a learning culture such that will give us needed
wisdom per time and help hone our skills to such level where only the best
version of ourselves stares at us in front of the mirror per time. We also have
to know that self-confidence is a continuous journey, never a phase. Just like
our apps and gadgets, we have to keep updating it per time lest it goes out of ‘fashion’
and we find ourselves lacking in confidence once again. Different level of
confidence is needed for different phases, and as a matter of fact, the higher
the phase, the higher the confidence needed and required. So, it’ll be helpful
to see ourselves as a constant work in progress and be willing to do all we can
to become a finished work.
P.S: Only death makes us a
finished work, so, till we die, we keep striving to keep ourselves upgraded!
Referenced Story (David and Goliath): The book of 1 Samuel Chapter 17
This article first appeared in- tamaramccarthyenterprises.com
Photo Credit: Google Image
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