‘How Old Are You?’- Let’s Talk About The Age Question

Welcome to another episode on the blog. I’m excited to bring you this episode, as well as hear back from you through comments and perhaps email. The matter to be discussed is one thing I struggle with, but I know at the same time is no big deal due to the knowledge I’m about to share with you.

To start with, I would love to ask a few questions-

What does being on the earth mean?

How do human beings get on the earth?

Where do we go from here (the earth)?

What keeps us here?

This is like a class and we all would participate in answering all these questions. We’ll answer the individual ones (in our hearts), and the general ones are the ones we would discuss on the blog. Disclaimer- the answers would not come in the order which they were asked, and also- we are likely to be using the word ‘simply’ in multiple ways because for real, everything we would be discussing would be simple; so loosen up and judge not. (*smiles*).

So, to get to one of the questions- how do human beings get on the earth? Simply put- through birth. How do we go?- simply put again- through death. So, if we humans come and go by birth and death, who really are we, and what is our presence/appearance for? Besides, what is the earth and why are we in it?

I would start with the later question- what really is the earth? Simply put, I would say the earth is a time and space made for things that can be seen (such as humans), and enclosed by time. To every thing made to appear in this realm (the earth) is a time/life span given. The fact that everything on earth do not have the same lifespan do not mean they have no life span at all. All features no matter how gigantic, beautiful and ‘immortal’ they appear that dwells on this earth have their timeline in the earth. Those who do not ‘die’ before the earth fades would fade with the earth when the time comes for the earth itself to stop existing, which brings us to say that- even the earth itself, has its timeline/ lifespan.

So, if humans appear on the earth for a specific period of time before going again, vanishing like a snake crawling into the bush and can leave behind a mark behind depending on the path passed, how does age come in? Well, age is simply an indicator of how long we’ve been passing through/dwelling on the earth for (since in the end, we all are sojourners made to pass through the earth at different times and interval). Our ages are needed to number our days, so when exactly the time comes to exit the earth, there would be clear records with regards to number, about our existence. I guess this amounts to one of the reasons people we regard as seniors (old people) reveal their age with pride, to take glory/show how long they’ve been on the earth for, and probably how much experience and wisdom they have gained through their walk so far. It perhaps could amount to the same reason people coming up find it a bit hard to disclose their age, because compared to those they met on the earth (the seniors including those with significant years ahead), they have probably gained/achieved nothing yet, which on its own could appear intimidating especially when compared to the people they got to the earth almost at the same time (please click this article to read about comparison).

To know/say one’s age is to establish how long we individually have been on the earth for, knowing fully well that we all are (mortal) travelers passing through the earth to reach an immortal destination. In essence, age is like a metric system that makes records possible, as well as a factor that makes us apply our hearts to wisdom- young and old alike. In as much as I still might struggle with the age question a bit (perhaps out of culture or some other reasons), permit me to tell you that age is just a number (as we already know and all say) and shouldn’t be a big deal to say. So, when next someone asks you your age, he/she is just asking- ‘how long have you being on the earth for?’ and perhaps some mischievous ones, just like that of a countdown, may ask to have a rough estimate of how much more time you might still have left. Either way, age is just a metric system and should sometimes not be taken seriously, especially as serious as Africans (especially Nigerians?) take it. Don’t ask me yet though…lol, I’m still working on neutralizing the secret culture had told us it has to be, but then, like we both know now, it’s not a big deal, so let’s all try to adjust our minds towards the question and receive it with joy or little seriousness over time.  

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Life’s Reality Versus Childhood Fantasy

Growing up, no doubt we had a view of how we wanted our lives to run. Some of us wanted to be doctors, lawyers, accountants, pilots and a few other popular professions. I’m sure none, or very few of us growing up wanted to be fashion designers, barbers, story tellers and the likes. We all wanted the life we saw modelled before us- the doctors, accountants, lawyers etc. But then, in a world like this where almost nothing is certain, we have watched things change before our very eyes. The very careers people frowned at and saw as ‘illiterate’ jobs are now the very ones we all- educated and otherwise run towards. 

Quite funny I never really could remember any aspiration of mine as a child, but then because children back then were expected to write essays, asides telling inquisitive elderly people what they’d liked to be as an adult, I would have most likely said ‘a doctor’, given that my mum was at the time a practicing medical doctor. But then, perhaps my adult-life dream started as a teenager following a particular encounter. The encounter coincided with the time I discovered my writing dream, hence the very big and weighty future I painted for myself with really close dates attached to them.

Am I any of those dreams now? Maybe a little, say 1%, but then one thing adulthood has taught me is to take life one day at a time. It has taught me to have my dreams, have my goals, but never allow any of them to create unhealthy pressure points for me, nor deter me from the true life I could have lived if I allow myself to be flexible, the initial dreams notwithstanding. Knowing this is sure a true antidote for depression (especially such caused by comparison- both comparison of our ‘on paper’ life to our realities, as well as that of our lives with our friends).

Life I have come to discover has its own beauty which unfolds fully in the process of time, as long as we never allow hard work, diligence, and wisdom to thin out of us. For people who chose professions close to nothing they imagined as a child, adulthood must have taught them flexibility about life, which is really key in living a great life. We are now in the era people look inward to choose what they want to be, rather than outward as the case might be. We now have graduates who left their certificates behind and are now joyfully fashion designers, barbers, chefs, media personnel and the likes.

When it comes to our fantasies, adulthood and life’s realities, I have come to discover more than ever to allow our lives (under the watchful eyes of its Maker- God), to run its course. Clutching to our dreams just as we had it while we were young could be the beginning of our downfall in life (depending on what that dream is and the motivating factor).

Like I said in a radio interview I went for some few weeks back – let the rivers of your life flow unhindered. Do not try to tailor-fit your life into your own mold; instead, let go and watch God bring to life His plan for your life, in cooperation with your hard work, persistence, flexibility, courage and gleaned wisdom over time.

Life as an adult could be so uncertain and in some instances hard compared to our imagination of it as kids, but with absolute surrender to the will of God per time, patience and thirst to acquire and use needed wisdom, our lives would no doubt unfold beautifully, even more than we could have ever imagined. 

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The Elusive Attribute Of Success

Was recently speaking to a friend whom I’d not seen in a long while and in the course of our conversation, something hit me quite hard like never before- it hit me that we measure success differently, and the fact that human beings are insatiable.

In the course of our discussion which lasted for a while, I realized that the person for some reasons saw me as highly successful by literally all standards, which shocked me to the bone. For here was I doing all I can to be successful, and here was someone (who for some reasons I see as successful as well), seeing me as already successful(!). Now the question is- am I successful? Well, I’ll say I’ve not scratched the surface, but then am I grateful?- maybe I should be more grateful, especially going from the angle my friend came from which I never saw.

From the long talk we had, I realized that success to an extent could be an illusion we might keep chasing till we die. The more we achieve, the more we want to achieve. Years ago, success to me was having a foreign masters, but then years after having it, it means nothing close to success to me again; but then to someone else at this point in his/her life, it is immense success, just like it was to me years ago.

Am I saying that we should always rest on our laurels and as a result never strive to be/do better? No. What I’m saying is that for every goal we set that seems to consume us, we should be grateful for where we are coming from. Our hunger for more should not make us blind/turn us into ingrates by belittling everything praise worthy achieved so far. In as much as I understand the law of focus and forgetting the things that are behind, we should not be too focused to the point of becoming ungrateful for feats achieved in time past. Instead, we should allow our future goals stem from the gratitude of things achieved so far. Such way, we can keep our fire burning healthily, and even keep at bay emotions such as depression and other negative emotions that tends to show up when pursuing greater things. 

The truth is- this is life and beyond all the levels of success we all appear to have, we all have things we go through that sometimes make our (seeming) success feel like nothing, but in everything and through it all, we must remain grateful, as well as refuse to compare ourselves in unworthy manners with others. We also should bear in mind that success is relative and only our Maker (sometimes through our conscience/inner witness) can truly measure how truly successful we are, and not necessarily accolades and the seeming look of ‘success’ in itself. On the journey to becoming who we desire to be, we should not only be grateful, but also enjoy every moment every step of the way lest we become ‘breathing miseries’.

 

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Let’s Talk About Depression

Being a child that grew up in the 80s, depression was not a term you come across readily. You come across words like ‘sad’, ‘unfriendly’, ‘keeps to herself’ and the likes, all sometimes fruits of depression- the (main) tree which we can’t see.

But then, in this age, having seen the tree that stood in front of us everyday but took us so long to see and acknowledge, it is easy to see the things we saw as ‘unusual’ back in the day as fruits growing on a sometimes giant tree- depression. We see now that the things such as ‘sadness’, ‘unfriendly’ ‘keeps to herself’ and the likes are (sometimes) only fruits (unpleasant though,) growing on such trees.

Have I as a child gotten depressed before? Perhaps no. I was a child that took everything in without really even knowing what was happening. I was also a very busy child, attending religious clubs, summer camps and the likes. But then, growing up, I had my first real depression. It was in the year 2006 if I could remember correctly. The same year I lost a chunk of my body weight and wouldn’t gain them back even after trying years upon years to have it back. What happened that year?

I was simply involved in so much work/activities. In addition to being a student, I was an exco of some sorts and before I knew what was happening, my life got so busy without me having a hint of it. The fact that I was (and still) a writer saw me using my nights most of the time to go through Encarta encyclopedia, reading as though the day will never break. In essence, during the day as it were, I was so busy, as well as during the night. Before I knew what was happening, I had no life again literally. My life was slipping out of me and I did not realize. I would sleep late, wake up quite early, and atop all that, refuse to eat because I had no appetite. There’s been time I’d gotten home, summoned all the strength in my tired body to cook up a meal and the smell of the burning of the food ended up waking me up. And I end up hungry still, and now very tired.

To make matters worse, I had no heart to heart friend as it were, so all I did was live a lonely life, in addition to my already stressed up life. Well, it took no real time for me to slide deeply into depression. I lost myself and the meaning of life. Funny enough, in the midst of all that, I still did my normal daily routine, till the time I just couldn’t take it anymore and my body broke down completely. I had to rush myself home.

One thing that healed me and nursed me through that period was love. Not medicine, not drug. The love of having people that cared around- my siblings and especially my mum. The way she fed me out of depression without her (or me at time) knowing, like only a mother could feed.

Looking back now, I can say love is about the medicine of all medicines. We make whole and alive because of the power of love. Love is such a force that can keep a dying person alive on the hospital bed against all odds, it is the force that most times makes cancer patient outlive their doctor’s report. It could be the love of a child, a spouse, or simply someone you know cares so much and you would not want to make sad. Love indeed beyond time, heals all pain and gives the resolve to outlive all forms of ills life throws at us.

The question is- who are you loving so much such that he/she wouldn’t want to die? Besides, you never can tell the amount of love contained in a hearty smile- especially the emotional therapeutic power that lies in it, even that of a stranger. As a result, in as much as we can’t love everybody on a one-to-one basis, we can always make a space in our heart to send out our love through our smiles. A smile like nothing you know heals and binds, especially in our moments of despair, as well as simple acts of care.

Give a stranger a hearty smile this week and watch the joy, hope and sometimes pleasant surprise that springs up. We never know what the person next to us is going through and what our hearty and sincere smile could do. Love is life, just like genuine care is.

Till I come your way next week Wednesday, keep giving out hearty smiles, and keep caring genuinely for people; you never can tell the number of souls your acts would have mended by the end of the week. Have fun spreading the light and warmth.

Much love.

P.S- Happy Mothers' day in advance (for loved ones in the US). Only God knows the number of depressions mothers through love and care have banished! Thank you mums for all you do-you rock!

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Marriage And The Decisions We Make

The stories I hear these days regarding marriage quite calls for concern, and in some ways- pity. I recently heard of a woman in her forties who just gave birth- not because she was ‘infertile’ as it were, but because life happened to her in the area of marriage. How do I mean?

I’d seen this woman carry a little baby in her hands, and having thought she had initially given birth to all her babies, I was a bit ‘startled’. Not until someone close told me her story. She had been married before, but then, just a few months after her initial wedding, her husband disappeared with no one knowing his whereabouts. No one knew if he was dead, alive, remarried, or anything; he just disappeared and have not been seen ever since, which from then till now has been quite a number of years. However, of recent, the woman remarried and gave birth to a child- her first child.

On hearing her story, I was so happy for her because to an extent, she held a miracle in her hands, especially considering that she was a bit advanced in age. Immediately, I looked back at the picture of her I saw when she passed by and I immediately could feel her joy, gratitude and happiness of being a mother. Though walking on the road when I saw her, she had carried the child so dear to her, and on her face, especially with my curiosity of the child in her hands being satisfied, I could feel the joy that must have formed in her soul when first, she got to know she was pregnant, and that no doubt that settled in her heart when she gave birth and for the first time held her baby in her hands. How about the happiness of finding a worthy mate after all the while of uncertainty, pain, doubt, endless waiting, and perhaps loneliness?

Also of recent is the story I read right on facebook- how the guy just got married- full of life and all, and barely a month afterwards, he died and left his poor new wife a widow.

All these and perhaps many more makes me wonder how we take the ‘no’ God gives us in the place of prayer when we seek His face on particular issues (especially issues we’ve formed great opinions of), and perhaps how inattentive we become to the nudges we feel inside of us concerning life issues, most especially such we cannot explain but feels not so good.

In as much as I realize this is life and things most of the time happen without a plan or form of control, I wonder if there are things we know but we still go ahead with because we do not fully understand the signs we know for sure are stop signs and reverberate deeply in our souls. What if the woman who got married and her husband left the house months after had a ‘stop’ sign prior to wedding? And perhaps the lady whose husband recently died had a little inclination to hold back a bit on the marriage but perhaps was too much in love and quite in a hurry to live happily ever after with the man she loves so much who until his death had such great personality and character too great for a ‘stop/hold on’ symbol? 

I’m merely talking in terms of marriage, but how about seemingly lucrative business deals that turns out bad? Friendships, networks that end in a dark, slippery and lonely road etc, that we embark on without adequate thoughts and listening? 

The world no doubt is getting crazier, things are happening faster than we can think or reason, we need to take our time to prayerfully make vital decisions in our lives, especially such that shows signals we do not fully understand despite the seeming greatness of the decision about to be made. More than ever, we need not only be (more) careful, but also, pray ceaselessly about all we do. Perilous times no doubt are here, and only God’s Grace and omniscient Wisdom can indeed bring us through. Proverbs 3:5-8.

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