When Life Happens

A few days ago I sat on the couch and was trying to think over my life. The process had been ongoing for a while inside of me but a chat I had with a friend brought the whole thing to the surface. I looked at my life- where I am now to the prognosis of my projected future from my past and without the need to think too much, it was obvious they were two opposite ends.

Could remember the trajectory of the life I planned for myself when I was leaving the university. I had everything all planned out. By age 25, I must have had my first child and at a much later age which is fast approaching, I must have been setting a trail in my chosen field. All looked rosy as I dreamt, and I was ready for anything and everything. Well, to cut the long story short, at age 25, I never found myself on the path I set for myself, and at the age fast approaching? Perhaps there is still a three-month hope. So, what do you do when life happens?

Do you cry, get depressed and unnecessarily touchy and angry at everything and everybody? Or do you begin to get jealous and put yourself off thinking no good thing can ever happen to you again since they have not happened already? Just what do you do when life happens?

Well, maybe cry if you must, but beyond crying, re-plan your life. Reason being that it is of little or no value crying over what happens to be spilt milk. Do a deep and honest evaluation of the life you have lived from the time you thought your life was the most meaningful till now; what are the things you missed? Your attitudes, your principles and perhaps your morals, how were they like? Moving to your craft, the very one you have passion for and you are pursuing with the whole of your heart, how good are you there? Or rather, how excellent are you?

Next, ask yourself, perhaps on a deeper level, why do you think you are where you are? Are you there because you have tried all you can and all you can do is wait for the day things will change, or you are there because there are some things you still need to try that you have not tried? What could it be? If on the reverse you have tried all you can, how can you try better? Or perhaps try differently?
Having thought about that, what is now your plan? Perhaps this time around- your plan A, B and C. Perhaps things failed with little or nothing you could do when the whole thing deviated because there were no plan B, C and D. This is not to dismantle your faith, but sometimes, except God said specifically this is the way/route you must go, for things to work, you might have to have your plan A,B,C, even up to Z literally. I guess the more we grow, the more we discover that life is not necessarily white and black, neither is it all a straight road. There are some grey areas/curvy paths which we all must prepare for either directly or indirectly.

Could remember the times I was planning my life years ago in my head (now I do more of pen and paper planning, instead of just head), I did all I did expecting little or no obstacle. Because life had been quite swift in some ways from primary school till then, I thought (unconsciously though), that life would continue being that way. “If only you had the dream, nothing would stop you”- so I’d thought. What I failed to think was- what would you do if something tried to stop you? I had no contingency plan, it was a ‘one-way traffic’ which I held on to rather doggedly, until some months down the line of reaching my predetermined milestone age, some things shifted inside of me.

So, back to my first question, what do you do when life happens? You pick up yourself and try again. And in trying again, you not only start from where you are, but also with what you have. Looking back to start with the things you lost would either put you on the same spot, or make you work with a very slow pace because you would be busy here and there chasing after what is not, and sometimes, getting more discouraged in the process.

In addition to starting all over again literally, be flexible and accommodative of great ideas, especially ideas that may not necessarily be a part of your original plan but fits and has a lot of truth and wisdom in it. Also, be open to opportunities that has windows of growth in them, as well as challenges though tough that can build you; for when it comes to the game of life, never say never and never be too calculated such that you give no room for flexibility. Having the ability to consider and scrutinize opinions and ideas are added advantages in the journey of life. In as much as you have a plan, don’t be too dogged and rigid with it; to get to your goals, there might be many legal and moral ways apart from the one in your plan A. And sometimes, you have to be flexible enough to either change or modify your approach while on the chase as the occasion demands. Sticking strictly to the plan when it could have been better changed could cost you a whole lot, far more than imagined.

When things go the unexpected way, rather than getting depressed and staying in depression for a long time, empty your heart of it’s troubles with deep thoughts, and perhaps a season of tears if you must, and set your feet back on the road and start all over again. When things seemingly go wrong or life happens as we say, take a deep breath, think your way through, and come up with not only a new plan, but with contingency plans so when by some means one fails, you could get back to the others. We spend a lot of time mourning because most of the time, we have no contingency plan; nothing to divert our attention to without breaking down.

When things go wrong, go back to the table (sometimes with your tissue in your hand) and plan again. A part of going back to the table is asking God for fresh ideas and listening diligently with the whole of you for what He has to say. Whatever you hear Him say, be ready to carry it out with the whole of you. Life as we all know is never for the lethargic. To succeed, you must be willing to give the whole of you to what you believe you must do.

In addition to the re-planning and re-evaluations, it will be good to bear in mind that life’s journey was designed with patience, hard work, diligence and perseverance in mind, so whatever stage you are now, make sure to your hard work, you are adding patience and taking things one at a time if you must, because Rome as we all know, was never built in a day. Life in the end is all about processes and most times, for a process to appear as it should, we must be willing to be diligent, faithful, hardworking, and yet patient.

Till I come your way again, keep your eyes focused on God and know that with prayer, hard work and perseverance- this too shall become history!
Do have a lovely day. *hugs*





Connect with me on social media

Facebook: Eniola Olaosebikan
Facebook page: Soul Writer
Instagram: cream_legend
Twitter: TheEniolaO

Email: soulwriteralways@gmail.com

Feminism In Christian Dating/Marriage Today- Yay Or Nay?

I know it's the 16th of July, but permit me to say happy new month to us all. This is because it's been a while on this platform with each other. How have we been? Well, I've been great but literally very busy for some reasons, perhaps the reason why I've missed posting articles for a number of weeks now. 

Before I go into today's topic, permit me to say a huge thank you to individuals that shared and promoted the last post shared on this platform on their social media platforms; the turn over was indeed huge: a million thanks to you all. If you are reading this and you would like to read the last article, you can find the link here.

So on to today's topic- Feminism in Christian marriages today- yay or nay? - what's your take on it? To start with, what is feminism? The English dictionary defines feminism as a "A social theory or political movement which argues that legal and social restrictions on women must be removed in order to bring about equality of the sexes in all aspects of public and private life." From the above definition, what can be said to be wrong with feminism?- I would say nothing. If nothing, why then this article?

Well, this article exists because feminism in some ways can be said to have deviated from it's core. Rather than effect changes in the society regarding laws and policies inhibiting women, it has in some ways turned into a platform whereby women instead of being advocated for as the definition suggests are being masculated. Feminism as it were has turned into different branches, even that that fights for rights that buries the sense of being feminine, advocating for masculinity instead. To this effect, I would like to talk about the act of giving and receiving in relations to dating/marriage. But then, to start with, let's have a look at what Ephesians 5:21- 33 says. it says- 

" Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.

Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.
Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.
No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband."

Thank you for reading the long sermon...lol. Now let's go into what I originally wrote before the introduction. Shall we? Here:

"The way God established humans, Men were made to give and women were made to receive. It is a natural law of nature. 

In as much as I do not accept unsolicited gifts from men, sometimes I wonder why I crave for it at times and when I receive it, it gives me great joy despite me being an independent woman who works every penny for what she spends. It was in the midst of all that that my mind for reasons beyond my control went to the book of Ephesians 5:21-33.

Then I realized that that was the way women were made. Nothing is wrong with me when in some ways I desire care from the man in my life. I discovered that from the passage, women were made to be loved and cherished by their husbands. God so made the world in a balanced way such that He primarily made the man the giver of gifts, and the woman, the receiver of gifts. So dear woman, in as much as you’ve strove and worked hard to be so independent, nothing is wrong with you when you look up to your spouse for care and attention. Do not allow the world’s standard of feminism rob you of who you are and as a result, make you a man instead of the woman you were made to be.

I must confess that understanding this principle has really helped me to balance well and receive all the care my future husband would have to give me without feeling less than I am, or weak in any way. And times when for some reasons (or even no reason at all) I crave for his future care and attention, I will do it so much with dignity and joy, and not timidity or inferiority as the world to an extent is now making it appear. 

The paradox of this however is the fact that men in some ways and for a long time have come to know this secret of creation.  As a result, they lure women into them through the means of baits; baits to portray they care and the woman out of simply being a woman falls into the trap and deeds are done. 

By nature, gifts or acts of care are grounds through which bonding can occur between a man and a woman because the acts as it were balances each other. As a result, it’s only natural for a woman to feel close in some ways to the man she constantly accepts gifts from.

In as much as gifts in themselves are not bad, because of the vulnerability they bring majority of the time, we must be careful as ladies who we receive gifts from. Men by their nature to provide will always give, and we women by our nature to be cherished and loved after would always want to receive, but because of the abuse that has set in via this nature of ours exposed fully to men, we must be very careful about how and who we accept gifts from to avoid ‘stories that touches the heart’ afterwards. 

In all, be open as a lady to receive gifts from your man without any form of being weak or unnecessarily offended due to the inhumane feminist laws and rules flying about. Allow your man to always be your man and avoid the temptation of either stepping into his shoes through absolute independence, or blocking his natural flow with the strength you manage to summon up in the bid to be masculine. Be vulnerable with your man and allow him take great care of you every power and chance he can. But then, on the flip side, we as ladies should be careful who we allow pour that care into our life because for some reasons, our lives will feel bonded to that man such that we will always be willing to submit to him based on what he brings to the table, including submitting our precious body to him. Let’s learn to work with balance for balance they say is the fulcrum life is built upon. This is because when a man gives as commanded, he expects submission in return. And times when submission is not seen in closest sight, he may do so much as to use force to get the submission he wants, including raping if possible to have his way. So ladies, enjoy your man and be careful about all other men. Selah."

Photo Credit: Broscience.co

Connect with me on social media

Facebook:   Eniola Olaosebikan
Instagram: cream_legend
Twitter:     TheEniolaO

Email:       soulwriteralways@gmail.com

Dating Advice For When You Meet Someone New

Some weeks ago, we had an interview session on the blog and to a large extent, it served as a great eye opener to issues like marriage, relationship, destiny, parenting and all. This week, this blog being a blog that is all about sharing and helping one another through life’s journey, it is my pleasure to bring to you a few of the things I’ve learnt over time as a result of dating; especially the mistakes I have made that I have learnt from and need not make again. Why would I want to extend these lessons to you despite the personal attachment I have to them? Because this blog (as said earlier) is all about sharing and learning. I learn from you through the comments and mails sent, and you perhaps learn from me through the blog posts posted from time to time.

Before I go ahead to share the lessons, I would like to say that the lessons are meant to serve as a guide and a form of help should you find yourself in a similar situation, but then, it is advised that the tips be mixed with intuition so as to holistically personalize it to your situation; so you can get maximum and intended results. So what are these tips? For time and space sake, I guess I would give just three, so- Here:  

1.       Pace Yourself

What do I mean by pacing oneself? I mean it in the way of saying- do not be too carried away by the new wave. So you meet this guy, he meets your fancy and immediately you kick it up, talking for hours and hours on the phone. Well, the issue here is not talking for hours and hours, the issue is minding the things you say as you talk for hours because this ‘relationship’ is still new and there is still a little idea where it could lead to even though in your mind you think it’s that one relationship you’ve been waiting for and it is no doubt leading to marriage. Well, dear Miss, permit me to say you are not God (of which you are not), only God knows the beginning to the end and at that, knows what and what would lead to desired ends in your life.

What happens when you say too much too soon? You might actually be giving the guy too much to handle, and as a result, the ‘relationship’ might be jeopardized when the guy retrieves into his ‘men corner’ to think. During the time he retrieves, he as a matter of fact might stop calling and texting which as a lady might send a lot of wrong signals into your brain. You begin to feel rejected, perhaps dejected and to an extent- used.

When you have those talks that lasts for hours at the initial stage, it’s better it’s full of general talks, and not too deep personal talks because in the case the relationship does not work out, you might feel a bit violated, vulnerable and betrayed. And this as a matter of fact might cause you to be cold to the next person that comes your way thinking he too would do the same and ‘run away’.

Pace yourself for the personal talks so you don’t end up revealing too much in a very short space. It’s like giving a hungry man a full and filling meal, for him to take another meal, he has to digest the one he has eaten first and to digest the meal, a deal of time would be needed which would make him reject every other meal you try to give him out of your innocent intention of being a great host.

Be a smart lady, and to a possible extent, try to be the one in control of the conversation pace. Don’t be unduly carried away by the emotion and euphoria of meeting someone new and the possibility of what it could lead to. Allow things to happen gradually. Instead of impulsive outbursts, allow things to unfold at reasonable paces.

2.       Control your emotions

It is often said that when at the brink of a new relationship, men come to the table logical, women come emotional. In as much as to an extent we as women are emotional beings, it will be helpful to know when to control our emotions so we can see in a way that is clear and not so full of sentiments. There is no doubt a level of euphoria gotten when we meet someone new, especially someone we think might be ‘the one’ at last(!), but then, a major sign of maturity as humans (male or female) is how much we can control our emotions in the face of impulsive outbursts. We must not allow our emotions dictate for us. We must be willing for nature to take its course without trying to force anything. Now, this might be an area I have a problem with and still working on. Not that I am emotional, as a matter of fact, I am so logical, logical to the point that it sometimes scares me, but then the issue lies in the fact that in the midst of my logical sense and permutation, I do not fully allow patience to take its full course. I always want to know the end from the onset which sometimes might not be feasible. And in the bid to quickly know the end, I make so many mistakes and most of the time find myself back to square one.

In essence, I would say- control your emotions as well as your logic. Calm down and prayerfully allow nature to take its course instead of you trying to control somewhat prematurely the outcome. Relax, pray, do your reasonable part and have a firm trust in God to perfect everything in His time.

3.       The last one would be Independence

Never let yourself go because you found a man. Never allow all your happiness to revolve all around him to the point that you neglect all the things you used to do and make him your sole focus. Never forego the frequent company of your friends and the things that matters to you because you found someone you think is the one. Learn to live, and actually master a balanced life. Learn to gain your spice from everywhere, not just a source. Don’t literally sit by the phone all day waiting for him to call or text, have a life regardless of the emotions that seems to have emanated from the perceived new beginning. That is why to a great extent, self-control should always be our best friend in everything we do, both in our relationships and in our careers. Thankfully I learnt the basics of this some years back, but even with that, I guess it is a habit that one has to constantly hone because the hype derived from new dates/relationships varies from time to time.

To end this post, it’ll be good to bear in mind that I am not giving all these advice because I got them right, I’m giving them because I got them wrong and having learnt from the mistakes, would not want you to make the same when you find yourself in such circumstances.

 Till I come your way again, I remain your friend, blog host, life’s student and sharer. Do enjoy your day.

Photo Credit: HappilyDivorcedAndAfter

Connect with me on social media

Facebook:   Eniola Olaosebikan
Instagram: cream_legend
Twitter:     TheEniolaO

Email:       soulwriteralways@gmail.com

What’s the time please?

This is a question we ask people when at times we go out casually and as a result fail to take our wristwatches or at best- our phones, or perhaps in reverse the question people ask us when they fail to do the same. The time as at the hour of writing this article is 12:16pm, but then let’s assume instead of writing, I am reading (say in San Francisco USA) and you are reading as well at the same time (say in Baltimore USA) and through some means I ask you- “what’s the time please?”- Which time are you most likely to give?- Your own time right? Omitting the fact that we are not in the same location even though we are in the USA together, and the fact that we probably do not know ourselves that much to know.  

Time is of huge essence on the face of the earth. But then, not only on the face of the earth but also to God, being the Holder and Director of time itself. This we can see in many instances in the Bible, but most especially in Ecclesiastes 3 where times and seasons were spelt out. The organized thing about God is the fact that He has everyone’s time under control. And majority of the time, He has different timings for everyone, our ages notwithstanding.

A look at John the Baptist’s life, it could be seen that he began his ministry very early in life due to the peculiarity of the assignment he was given. But then, come to think of it, Jesus and John the Baptist were relatives, and in some ways, a word had gone ahead of them both even before their birth. John’s prophecies never really took long before it started manifesting, unlike Jesus who started His ministry at a much later age of 30- the time where John’s ministry had already gotten prominence and everybody had known him all around the town. What if they never got to know about the word that had gone ahead of them and they were either angry or jealous of each other owing to comparison and the fact that they were just months apart? Besides, remember the start of Jesus' ministry led to the decrease of John the Baptist's? ("...He must increase and I must decrease- John 3:30...") That's why as an individual, it is critical to understand not only your purpose, but also your place in life.

When it comes to timing and destiny, comparison no matter the seeming proximity of the person you are comparing with is of no use, because in the end, God has different plans, and at that- different timings for everybody under the sun. Your time is different from my time, and my time is different from yours no matter the yardstick people watching seem to use. A look at Paul, he started his ministry few years after he was saved, meanwhile, Jesus Christ Himself whom he served all his Christian life even though He knew about His ministry quite early, didn’t start until the age of 30. How about the likes of David, Joseph whose dreams in some ways were put in their hearts at teenagers but never got to reach their potential till the age of 30? Or even Moses who never began till the age of 80 despite the peculiarity of his birth?

In other words, when it comes to matters of destiny, if you ask your neighbour or your friend- “what is the time please?” you are most likely to get a very wrong answer because in the Kingdom, we might seem to live in the same geographical area so to say, but with different business (assignment) dealings.  Literally in the kingdom and based on assignments, you might be in Nigeria and have a New Zealand wristwatch and it’s working for you despite being 11hours ahead; your neighbour living in Nigeria as well but with a Nigerian time might miss it when he asks you the time and you tell him what the time on your own watch says. You might cause him to miss his flight in the sense that, his flight is still 11hours early, but because of the time you told him, he is down casted and rushing, thinking he has missed his time; whereas in actual sense, all he needed to do was relax and get occupied because his flight was still 11hours ahead. You get my gist now?

So in life, and in whatsoever you do, learn to seek God’s timing, never human timing. Remember His ways are not our ways, neither are His thoughts our thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9).

Do have a great day.

N.B: In case you missed the powerful interview SWB had last week with Dr Samuel Ekundayo, you might want to check it out here; perhaps the interview I had with him is why New Zealand formed a part of my ‘sermon’ today, it was that powerful. Read it, enjoy it, and have a great day.

Photo Credit: Dreamstine

An Interview With Preacher, Author and Speaker: Dr Samuel Ekundayo- A Straight From The Heart Talk About Purpose And Marriage

Happy new month people, welcome to the month of May. May this month bring great tidings to us all in Jesus name.

Today on the blog, I have a good news. I will be sharing a full and insightful interview had with the very Dr Samuel Ekundayo. Dr Samuel Ekundayo is an Author, Speaker, Preacher and a prolific Thought Leader. With a Ph.D. in Business Information Systems, he lectures full time in one of New Zealand's higher institutions as an IT lecturer. As a purpose teacher, he holds series of seminars and trainings, one of which is the famous few minutes ‘motivitality’ series frequently posted on his social media handles.

Why am I excited about him being on the blog? I am excited because his words aside from being full of wisdom and reality, contains insights for humans in literally every phase of life: Insights for teenagers, singles, married, parents and most importantly, his words addresses the sole reason why we are here on earth- purpose.

Without further ado, kindly sit back and relax as I bring to you- the wisdom packed interview had in the course of the previous month with Dr. Samuel Ekundayo. Enjoy.

SWB: A very good morning to you. It’s such a great privilege and honor to have you here.

DSE: The pleasure is mine and thank you so much for the privilege of featuring on your blog. 

SWB: Can our readers meet you please?

DSE: My name is Dr Samuel Ekundayo, popular called “The Purpose Preacher”. I am an author, preacher, thought leader and motivational speaker. The Mandate of God on my life is to help people discover God’s purpose for their lives so they can maximize their potentials on earth and be who they were born to be. I am also a full time academic and researcher.

SWB: How was growing up like for you?

DSE: Growing up was not easy but God was good to us. My parents could not afford most things but miraculously, at every point of need, God would show up for us. I remember there was a time things were really difficult for my family and my parents had to resolve to farming in order for us to survive. I am not talking about mechanized farming here. I mean the typical petty farming to eat daily. Life was tough and challenging but that was only a season. God brought us through all that.

SWB: At what point did you know what/who you wanted to do/be in life?

I believe that was at the age of 14. I just knew I enjoyed speaking and preaching and would always teach my mates in class. 

SWB: What triggered your dream? 

DSE: At that age, I started to discover my love for teaching so I decided I was going to become a professor. Since then I would call myself Le Dynamique Professeur (The Dynamic Professor) or “Professor Smart” and my friends would call me that too. Some of my friends still call me that till date.

Moreover, thank God for godly parents, since I was young, every day, my parents would play the VHS of ministers of God like Reinhard Bonnke, R W Schambach, Billy Graham, etc. They soon became my favourite thing to watch. Also, my Dad got me books like “I saw Heaven” by Roberts Liardon when I was 8. He really wanted me to see heaven too, like Robert. I didn’t see heaven but I met Jesus as that was the same year I gave my life to Christ – November 30, 1993.

SWB: What were the things you wished you knew earlier about life, and what advice would you give to the upcoming generation?

DSE: I was blessed to know quite early what I wanted out of life and where I was going. However, at the time, I was not aware of the principles and values to get me there. I was just hoping for miracles instead of learning principles. See, the way God designed life, principles are what sustains miracles. If you don’t learn the principles required for your life, miracles would soon cease and you would be left wandering – just as Manna ceased in the wilderness. I was blessed to have loads of miracles help me through but as things got tougher, I knew I needed to get tough too. I needed to learn the principles to sustain the miracles in my life in order to get to where God’s taking me.

SWB: I read in your bio how a stranger from literally nowhere paid for your school fees. What effect did that have on you? And what can you tell readers out there full of dream but stuck on funds?

DSE: ARGH! If you get me started on this one, I tell you, we would not leave here. So, let me try my best to keep it short. The Bible says the steps of a righteous man are ordered by the Lord. Every time in the scriptures, God is fond us showing the destination to His people and not really showing the how they will get there because He reveals every step in the journey as we honour and please Him by trusting Him and obeying Him. 

On the journey to where I am today, one thing I have learned is, don’t wait for provision before embarking on your vision! If I was talking, I would have said that again to re-emphasize the point! Don’t let the lack of the provision you can’t see hinder the vision you can see. When you are sure you are headed in the right direction, when it appears you don’t have the resources, just trust God and keep moving. 

That’s the story of my life. Not once, not twice, God has used strangers to pay for my school fees. I am not talking about $1000 here. I mean someone writing a cheque of $15,000 at once! Not a loan! That day, in our house we were so in awe of God, we were all just rolling on the floor. It was at the brink of my dreams dying – the school was about to dismiss me and immigration were about to ask me to leave the country and God showed up. 

Hello there, are you reading this and you have a vision but you don’t have provision yet, two words – “KEEP MOVING”! Don’t let that stop you. I better stop here. I can preach a whole series on this topic because I have seen God at work personally on it.

SWB: What has been the greatest obstacle you’ve had to overcome so far?

DSE: There has been several obstacles in my life and all of them had taught me big things and deepened my knowledge of God and my relationship with Him. However, I think one really stood out and it was when I was some months into my PhD programme and the supervisors I had then started to doubt my ability to complete the PhD. In fact, they literally recommended that I be terminated from the course and that actually happened but God made a way because He is the way! Story for another day. 

SWB: There are certain days in human history that marks turn around in some ways, or perhaps some days something dawns on us more clearly due to an experience or a word heard- what is (are) the day(s) you will never forget and why?

A day I will never forget in my life was the day I first of all set my eyes on my wife (then, girlfriend). We met online in 2007 and started dating officially in 2008 but didn’t get to see each other until 2010 because we could not afford it. I was living in New Zealand and she was in Nigeria. Things were tough and tight then. It looked like an impossible relationship but God turned things around for us. Today, we’re married, living together in harmony with two wonderful boys. Ours is a story of God’s mercy.

SWB: What always reminds you of God’s Faithfulness and gives you the zeal to go on even in the midst of contradictory situations?

This question can start another sermon series oh. But I believe it’s looking back at how every time I struggled to pay my many school fees for my various degrees and God would just show up. I remember in my final year of PhD, I could not afford my fees; my parents could not help either. It was like my dream was going to crash. All of a sudden, my supervisor decided to make an exceptional case for me with the Faculty board of the school and a scholarship that was never on offer was granted to me. I just got to my office one morning to find an email in my inbox saying “Congratulations you have been awarded a scholarship…” This God is a faithful God.

SWB: What advice would you give someone trying to hold on in the midst of chaos all around? Would you like to use any personal story to encourage such person?

DSE: I believe I have shared so many personal stories already. To that person, hang in there. Whatever trials and tribulations you are facing now is only a season. One scripture in the Bible I love so much is 2 Corinthians 4:17 - For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory”. What you are going through cannot be compared to             where you are going to. Hang in there. God is working things out for you. Your darkest hour is the      start of the dawn of a new day for you.

SWB: What’s your take on mentorship?

DSE: My definition? I believe everyone should have at least a mentor – people you look up to, learn from and are accountable to. I have a few mentors in my life and they’re massively instrumental to where I am today by the grace of God.

SWB: How does who we are affect who we become at the end of the day?

DSE: The concept of identity is a very important one because without any idea of who you are, you are likely to lose the notion of God’s purpose for you. But when your identity is clear in God, you realise you were made for His purpose. Thus, you acknowledge Him in your life and everything you do and become gives glory to His name.

SWB: Greatness involves learning and unlearning things, what were the things you had to unlearn in the course of your journey, and also the things you had to learn? 

DSE:  Wow! Your questions are so deep, they are making me dig deep. One thing I had to unlearn late in my teenage years is becoming me! I had watched several men of God and people that

I was always wanting to become like someone. At first, I wanted to be like my Dad and then, I wanted to be Reinhard Bonnke and several other people like that until God opened my eyes to who He has called me to be and I began to see the authenticity of my identity and purpose in God. That changed my life!

SWB: Many people reading this may have been wondering- how do I discover purpose, what would you tell such people?

DSE: I have read tonnes of books on purpose and several advice exist on this subject but really, the surest way to finding your purpose without any trial and error is to go to God in prayer and ask Him to reveal to you why He created you. Purpose is the intent in the heart and mind of the creator of a thing. This means, the author of purpose is the creator. Only God can truly reveal His purpose for our lives to us. 

Having said that, practically, there are some things that are cues to our purpose and those things are our gifts and passion. According to Ephesians 4:7, all of us have been designed with a special gift. If we locate this gift, we would function at an extraordinary and supernatural capacity that will not only shock us but people around us and the entire world. You will discover this particular gift comes with an endless passion that gives you energy and sets you apart. It is important to stress here that, it is not everything you are passionate about or have passion for that is in line with your purpose. If you doubt me, go and watch American Idol and see many people carry the microphone to sing and you wonder how they got there. LOL

SWB: I was reading a book by Joyce Meyer some few days ago and she said at some points in her life, she thought she had no talent as she couldn’t sing, couldn’t sow, tend a garden or do anything that was considered a talent…. until she discovered that she has a mouth! I am a firm believer of God giving everyone at least a talent, but then, some talents are more obvious to the eyes and easy to discover than others, what would you tell people who think they have no talent, but seek purpose?

DSE: As I said earlier, every one of us have been given a special gift. The fact that you think you don’t have anything special does not mean you are right. In fact, I know you are wrong! There is something about you. On a practical level, I have created a purpose worksheet for people with this sort of belief. So, if you are reading this and you are interested, reach out to me and I will email you a copy.

SWB: Now moving on to marriage- You are married to -a treasure-  as you fondly call her, what has it been like doing life with her?

DSE: I actually call her my Treasure and Dudushewa. Doing life with her has been nothing short of amazing. I am not saying we do not have our struggle days; we do but overall, our alignment in terms of God’s purpose for our lives, principles, values and love for God trumps all those. 

I can confidently say I am glad I married her. She plays a huge role in shaping me to become the masterpiece God has in mind for me.

SWB: How has marrying your wife assisted you in the process of destiny? What advice would you give to a man full of dreams contemplating marriage about choosing a spouse?

DSE: It is one thing to marry a child of God, it is another thing to marry a purposeful and purpose-driven child of God. I believe one of the things I enjoy is that I married a woman that is purpose driven. It helps my ministry and my life and not just mine, hers too. We grow each other. We push each other to become the best version of ourselves.

So my advice to anyone reading this is make sure the person you intend marrying is going in the same direction as you. Don’t be carried away by chemistry and biology. Make sure your purpose aligns – it makes for a beautiful and glorious home.

SWB: Were there any myths you went into marriage with? If yes, how did marriage straighten you up by presenting you with actual reality?

DSE: HAHAHA. Daddy in the parlour watching film, Mummy in the kitchen cooking rice. I thank God for my parents and the way they brought me up to be very useful in the kitchen and to love cleaning. I discovered in marriage (especially away from home – Nigeria), Daddy cannot always be in the parlour watching film o. Daddy should be able to clean, do dishes and cook very well. Lol. Reality is, I do that so well more than I thought I’d be doing lol. Don’t ask how much o…

SWB: What place does marriage play in our destinies? How serious should we take marriage when considering marriage, especially as someone with a calling on his/her life?

DSE: As I have explained earlier, marriage can make or mar your destiny. Some people think marriage is just for procreation; it is actually the life that culminates life itself. If you miss it in marriage, the scar may never heal and if it does, it remains visible. If you have a calling of God on your life, as a man, the woman to marry must understand that calling and know her role as helpmeet for the calling. As a woman, the man’s vision must align with where God is taking you, otherwise you will be on your own! Amos 3:3 comes to mind, “can two walk together except they be agreed?” Notice agreed is past tense? It’s talking about destinies and purpose alignment. It is not just agreement by mouth.

SWB: Moving on to parenting- you are a father to two lovely boys, how would you advise parents to raise their children? - Especially in such a way that helps them discover purpose early in life?

DSE: Raising children intentionally and consciously is still something I am learning as well. Looking at them as mighty men of valour (I say this because I only have boys). Watching to see the special and unique gifts God has given them and spotting them early in order to help them nurture it. There are somethings we have noticed in our kids and we have made some investments in that direction to help them develop in that area. 

Also, special attention must be given to helping the child know who God is. That helps their self-esteem too and their confidence. 

SWB: What should parents pay attention to in raising their children?

DSE: I think I have answered that earlier.

SWB: What is the role of relationships in destiny?

DSE: Relationships and destiny are so intertwined that they are inseparable. Every man or woman in the scripture had one person at least that was their helper of destiny (e.g. Joseph, David) or someone that had to be cut out of their lives in order for them to reach their destinies (e.g. Abraham). Or people who relationships actually destroyed their lives (e.g. Samson, Demas). 

There is a prayer my parents taught me to pray and it is that “Lord, connect me with helpers of my destiny”. Powerful and profound prayer.

SWB: All said, life is about finding and creating a balance in everything we do, how do you unwind?

DSE: I play soccer a lot! I also read books (does this count as unwinding?). I play video games sometimes. I play the keyboard and love to sing. I fancy a good game of monopoly. I also love all things graphics from playing with Photoshop and doing some website coding here and there. I love me some photography and videography too. Let’s stop here before I start to look some kind of way hahaa. 

SWB: What’s your favorite verse of the Bible?

Psalms 16:8 – Since age 8!

SWB: What is your favourite book?

DSE: 1 Samuel – because my favourite character in the Bible is David!

SWB: You are a pastor, a lecturer, a writer, as well as a speaker, how do you balance all you do with being a husband and a father? 

DSE: Sincerely, this is an art o. It’s not easy but I manage. I have had to read about how to do this well and I think some of the things I am finding out helps. I guess in a nutshell, one has to be conscious and intentional about these various roles and plan ones time very well to ensure none of them suffers and one still excels in the end. Nonetheless, focus is key! In each of these roles, I have learned to focus on what is most important.

SWB: What would be your advice for singles- men and women alike- waiting for their life partners?

DSE: Don’t rush! Don’t fear. Let God guide you. Forget the hourglass shape or the tall, dark and handsome, choose a man or woman who genuinely loves God and understand God’s calling on his or her life first over other qualities.

SWB: What would you advise as the signs to watch out for in your partner as a single considering marriage?

DSE: Accountability to God and to people. If the person is not accountable to God, this is a No-No! If they have no relationship with God, don’t even go there. They will lead you astray. 

Also, if they have no one in their lives who can call them to order or someone they ‘fear’ or listen to, don’t even have coffee with them talk less of going on a date. They will never respect you, your parents and your entire family put together. 

Watch out for how they love and serve others! Anyone that does not genuinely love and serve others, will never genuinely love and serve you. 

SWB: Your foremost slogan is – live fully and die empty, how do we do that as humans?

DSE: Chai! I feel like you have done a thorough investigation into my life haha. I got that slogan from the late Dr Myles Munroe and I don’t stop saying it because it resonates with the mandate of God on my life and my personal resolution for my life. 

To live fully and die empty is to deliberately and intentionally making an impact in people lives daily with the gifts and talents God has given you. This brings fulfillment, individual significance, influence and most importantly, glory to God.

SWB: Before we go, If there was one word you would use to describe marriage, and another you would use to describe life, what would those two words be?

DSE: Marriage – Lifelong

          Life – Purpose

SWB: Any last word you would like to give?

DSE: What is a life without purpose? Nothing! Being alive without any idea why is living a meaningless life. Find why you were born and created today. Life is too short to live every day like a headless chicken, just running up and down with no clear direction. To find your purpose, you must connect to your maker. Only He knows why He created you. If you have no relationship with God or have fallen off the radar with Him, this is your opportunity to get back to Him. Accept Jesus into your life today.

SWB: Thank you so much for your time; it’s been a great joy having you here on this blog.

DSE: Thanks for having me. It’s such joy to be here too. I must say you drilled me oh!
SWB: Ha ha ha. But then, your answers too are take homes I would think about for a long time! So, tit for tat I guess...lol. Thank you once again for being here.

Dr Samuel Ekundayo can be reached on the following social handles

Facebook: Samuel Ekundayo (The Purpose Preacher)
Twitter: DrSamEkundayo
Instagram: DrSamEkundayo

Skype: dynamiqueprofesseur

Website: SamuelEkundayo.com

Loneliness, Singleness, Happiness and And Marriage (Part 2)

Hey peeps! How has your week been?

In the last article, we started a conversation on loneliness, singleness, happiness and marriage. Here is the concluding part:

For the question raised last week regarding loneliness, I have this to say-

If you find yourself constantly lonely and depressed as a single person, you might want to pay attention to the things you focus on because our happiness or lack of it is a function of our focus. You might also want to pay more attention to your environment- are you surrounded by married people, especially those that seems to have it all together on the outside? Or perhaps you are welcoming words from every direction which as a result is producing a lot of pressure on the inside of you- words from mummy, daddy, sisters, all asking as though you have a control over it- “when are we eating the rice?”. You might also want to pay attention to the music you listen to, the people you let into your space (especially if they are negative and pessimistic people) and a whole lot of other things.

You might also want to get busy doing the things you love so it would shift your mind away from the seemingly missing links in your life. Surround yourself with people you know without a shadow of doubt loves you, and people and situations that makes you happy too. You might also want to spend more time with time with God because in His presence, there is fullness of Joy and at His right hand, there are pleasures evermore (Psalms 16:11). When you do, the joy of the Lord would become your strength and help you per time through the waiting period.

Regarding Happiness, this would be my advice:

As a single person, before you get married, make sure you find happiness from the core of you, the truth being that no man no matter who he is, is strong and self-happy enough to give you all the happiness you require in life. If already married and you find yourself constantly unhappy, it is never too late to set your feet on a path of happiness.  How do you find happiness?

Two major things I have realized brings about true happiness - purpose and wholeness. When your feet are set firmly on the path of purpose, you would have little time to be sad. Doesn’t mean that those moments that makes us all human would not come; they’ll come, only they would not last for a long period of time owing to your passion and your ultimate reliance on God through the process.

Passion coupled with the constant presence of God in our lives generates so much force; such force that overwhelms us and keeps us busy and productive majority of the time. In other words, the combination of these two factors (God and passion) drives us towards our goals despite obstacles and challenges (loneliness inclusive) encountered on the way. A God-filled busy and productive mind is no hiding place for the devil, but an idle mind is. As a result, it is advisable to get yourself duly engaged with passionate and worthwhile projects. As you work through the projects, make sure you celebrate your small wins along the way as they boost happiness, and as a matter of fact- confidence.

The second pathway to happiness is wholeness. Wholeness is the process of freeing yourself of wrong ideas and beliefs to enable you function fully, freely and without fear in the area God has called you. Wholeness is the ability to be yourself without any form of fear (especially fear of rejection), and without any form of pressure.

Lasting and true wholeness I’ll say is achieved majorly in three ways

·         Spending time with God

·         Spending ample time with yourself

·    And lastly- acquiring information through constant reading and listening to helpful audios/videos. Hopefully over time, we shall get to talk about wholeness, how to achieve it, and the benefits of having it.

In addition to purpose and wholeness, I would love to chip in this- spend time with your girlfriends, call them, go on outings with them as marriage does not equate prison. Go shopping (either window shopping or actual shopping- if you have the sufficient means and you actually need the things you intend buying) if it would make you happy. Be helpful to people who are in need. More importantly, make kindness a genuine part of you and try your possible best to be cheerful and friendly.

Above all, remember that your marriage would always be a reflection of your state of wholeness as a spouse. A happy spouse would most likely make a happy marriage and vice versa. Always choose to remember that your happiness starts from you and not necessarily what people do/can do for you. Married or single, choose to be the master of your own happiness.

 

.…Till we meet again- do enjoy the remaining days of your week and make sure you do something tangible to make yourself happy this week if you haven’t already.

P.S: If there is any topic you would like me to talk about, I’ll be glad to receive your email, or you could perhaps put it in the comment section below.

Photo Credit: DeviantArt

Loneliness, Singleness, Happiness And Marriage (Part 1).

Loneliness, singleness, happiness, marriage- these four words in one has been the downfall of many. Downfall in the sense that when they were single, they saw themselves as lonely and so sought after marriage every way they could; now married, they realize that marriage in itself is never the cure to loneliness.

I once mentioned in one of my posts on this blog that as a teenager, I’d always thought marriage would make you happy because of the stories I’d read about love and how the men keep doing things to make their women happy. Thank God I came across a book written by Funmi Akingbade and I read it before I had the chance of locking myself in a marriage I shouldn’t have been because I thought it would give me happiness.

What if I never came across that book, or any other book that would have given me a similar insight? I’m very sure I would have been married by now and seriously regretting it, because I would have gotten married for all the wrong reasons.

We mistake marriage solely for happiness because often times, we are blinded by the acts that leads to it. We are blinded by the people we see buy gifts for their women, take their women to the movies, massage their head and shoulders and the likes. All these and many more are not bad in themselves. They are a part of the ingredients marriage is made up of, but unfortunately not all marriage is all about. We often are not exposed to the other sides of marriage such as the responsibilities it brings and the maturity it requires, as a result, we go into it unprepared. All we see are the fairy tale aspects of marriage that makes us believe the ‘and they lived happily ever after’ farce.  Owing to the things we see, we long for marriage based on these facts which actually are true, but not all there is about marriage. We set a standard based on peripheral things, and not real/actual things. As a result, when a guy comes and makes us feel in the mushy-giddy way we have imagined, we jump into his arms without a second thought thinking that is all there would be to marriage until reality begins to set in.  

We begin to see that sometimes we are left alone as well, and marriage does not necessarily mean company every time. Then we go back to our single state- being lonely. Things takes a worse turn when we discover that the man travels a lot, or that he comes back home late and we are often the only one left at home till he comes. It becomes more apparent when we realize that there are no more flat mates to go to to hear the gist of the day, or probably school mates to go to school together once it is morning. As a matter of fact, we are now completely on our own; possibly more than ever.

So if loneliness happens to both single and married, what do we do to avoid/deal with it? And what do we do to attract happiness in contrast to our thought that marriage automatically equates happiness?

 ....To be continued....

Now That You Are Grown

It’s been a long long while; almost a year. Don’t know if to say happy new year, or happy new month, perhaps happy new week, or most recently- Happy new day *smiles*. Either way, I hope you do forgive me for being away for that long, God willing, I hope to get better at posting this season; far better than before.

While away for that long, more than ever, I have come to realize a couple of things – things about life, myself, my past, present and future that over time God willing, I would be putting up on the blog as lessons and learning points. But before then, let me welcome us all (you and I, because we have been so far away from each other- thanks to the ‘sleeping pill’ I swallowed for almost a year; the last time I posted being 31^st of August 2017) with a post I posted on Instagram and a great mentor of mine prompted me to share. Here:

“No doubt sometimes as a child growing up, we experience the stifling of our hearts, minds and arts, and sadly those memories hunt us for a long time, making us feel odd sometimes and act in awkward ways in the crowd.

But then, growing up, I realized 2 things

1. What you went through as a child to an extent was never about you, but your parents/guardians trying to keep their sanity. They shouted at you not because you were wrong for singing happily and dancing happily, but because they were tired and needed rest and shouting on you was the only way they could stop you.  It had nothing to do with your brilliance.
2. A mother eagle gives birth, causes the eaglet to fly the way it understands, then with time, leaves it to soar. The eaglet refusing to soar is not the mother's fault- but the eaglet now turned eagle's mental state. In as much as the eaglet might not have been thought how to soar in the way it would have loved, the subtle truth is that the eaglet is now grown and can choose and learn its own way of flight and as a result, unlearn how it was taught that it hated/hinders its now found way of flight.

As an adult, choose to be free. Reborn yourself in such a way that would free your true and real being. Do your best to erase thoughts pulling you down and give yourself permission to fly and soar like only you can.

*Note- I'm not trying to play down on childhood trauma, some people had it worse, I'm only saying we can rise above it if we choose to and the first step to rising is not only desiring it but actually pursuing it no matter how long it takes. Some wounds could be deep but time and knowledge heals all wounds. And if you want to cheat nature and heal faster, you can try healing up with Jesus- I promise you, it works.”


With time, we may dig more into these dynamics, as a part of the thoughts keeping me literally awake more than ever these days.  Before then, try to enjoy the weather and perhaps the personal season you are in all you can because seasons I promise you- are not always forever. I miss you all and it’s great to have you back. See you soon and much love.

Picture Credit: www.kath.ch