What Makes A Marriage Work? Wealth Or Character?

 I had a very big wedding- literally my dream wedding. Present and past governors, as well as past and present government and private dignitaries were in attendance. The joy of the day filled me so much so that even though tired, I smiled to the camera at every single click.

However, the day was soon over, and the marriage was soon to start. The first few weeks were awesome. Private beaches, trips outside the country, beautiful hotels and sceneries and all. We settled into the marriage a month after all the travelling and sight seeing. For all I cared, I was the luckiest girl alive; for if money was taken away, what more could be the issue in a marriage? In addition to the great wealth was my wish of having a tall, dark and handsome human being, which I have as well, what more? Talking about the sex, I wouldn't trade the experiences with him for anything in the world; so I ask again- what else? 

Well, the awesome life I thought we had started melting in bits like wax on fire. It was first messages from his ex, and then every other girl. Then after a while, it moved to clubbing with his friends, him leaving the house without informing me prior of his travelling, and lots more.  Then suddenly, the money which I had held on to as a savior, and one of the major reasons I married him began to become so little in my eyes.  I suddenly realized it takes more than money and a great body to make a marriage work!

Yeah, I am married, and even amongst my friend, I am a celebrity in their midst, but then, am I happy? Every day, I go back to a big but empty house. He wouldn’t allow me to work or do anything else. All I was to be (like I was always), is to be his doll to his big parties, as well as his window of being categorized as a  ‘responsible’ man, by the virtue of him being married. I am also a ticket to his political aspiration, since now, the obstacle of being a bachelor has been removed.

I married into a trap. A man that knew what he wanted and played his card well. His money blinded me and I saw nothing else. I was also fascinated by the fact that I would be a friend to the rich and their wives, and my children as well would mix with their kids. But now, thinking back, I realized all that should never have been the focus. I should have focused on my career, as well as married the man whom I was dating before. Money indeed is a bait. And now I know that it takes loyalty, commitment, friendship, willingness on both sides and many other virtues to make marriage work. More than ever before, I have resorted to prayer. It is my only hope, as well as my only sanity. I had what I wanted (money and fame), but what I never bargained for was the boredom and suffocation that comes with it. As well as the disloyalty, being ignored on many occasions and being taken for granted.

Maybe now might actually be the time to settle and see what I really can do with my life. After all, my friends used to tell me I draw and paint beautifully well. I have all the time in the world, perhaps I can work towards an exhibition in a year’s time, while praying for my husband to become loyal, selfless, friendly, sensitive to my pains, and as well- empathetic. Till then, I shall try my best finding my true self and spend time praying as well. Thankfully, physical abuse is not one of the issues I have to deal with.

“Are you ok at least?” I asked Tinu after she told me what she was facing in her home. “I will be fine, thank you”. “You’ll always be in my prayers darling, and all shall be well by His Grace, ok?

Thank you, Tinu replied me. “I will look forward to seeing my story on your blog, so people, especially single people can know marriage is not always about money, even though to an extent, it might be helpful. I made my choice, and I am not looking for any pity party; just want to warn whoever I can, so they won’t fall into the mistake I made, taking money as the all in all without really checking for character, compatibility, and most especially- God’s leading”.

Photo Credit: blackmainstreet.net

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Letter To A Teenage Me

Dear teenage me,

The number thirteen sounds great- always what you’ve wanted. Now, that teacher that only watches to fish you out of the teenage class will no longer be able to fish you out. And besides, you are a big girl now- a teenager!

Now that you are a teenager, what do you expect? Finishing school is a large part of it, as well as entering university. That means you have to pass your WAEC, and your JAMB; so, studying hard would be a part of your plan. What else again? Bet you do not know. Life should follow the chronological order whereby after school, you enter the university, after which you get a job and then get married! That is how you plan it right? Now let me begin to roll in the shocker for you:

You will finish secondary school, just as desired, but then, you would not enter the university immediately as planned! You would have to wait a while at home, while some of your mates are already headed to the university. Do not envy them, for one day, and very soon, you will find yourself in your dream school, but then studying an entirely different course. That is not the shocker. Here is-

In school, you will meet so many people (just like you did when you went to a Federal Government School back then), but then, this time around, you will not only meet girls, you will meet boys too (or should we call them men? because they are found in the university). Some of them will be old enough to be your senior brothers. But then- what about them? That would be story for another day.

This phase of your life would be a trying phase. You will start getting to know your true self, and at that- sometimes you will like what you see, a few other times, you may not. But through it all, know that you are loved by your Maker, as well as cherished by Him. Let all that matter to you be the bigger picture of who you want to be in 10-15years’ time, and know that you are enough.

Before I stop (because I have so many things to say), I would like to tell you something very vital- Socialize(!!!). Of course you know I’m not telling you to drink or go to clubs as it were, but mix with your classmates! Don’t just keep to yourself or make your journey triangular (or worse still- linear)! Try to meet more people (but then, be as natural and genuine as possible) when meeting them. Put pride aside. Yes, I know you will be great in life too, and you probably feel you do not need anyone, but the stark truth is that you need people! All those big dreams of yours will never come to pass on their own; you would need burden bearers, as well as helpers of destiny. And just as you would need people, you have to make yourself available to people too, because they would need you too.

Ayo- one of your classmates would later become a Personal Assistant to a governor, and he would help open a lot of doors for you. You too would help Paloma (the girl that always seems to know every subject in class) with a couple of favours too. You see?- What goes around surely comes around. How about your masters abroad? And your PhD too? Will tell you all that much later, and the experiences you would have there. But for now, it’s enough speaking. Be good. And patient too, ok?. Talk to you much later. Perhaps then we shall talk about beauty and peer pressure then.

*WAEC- West African Examination Council

*JAMB- Joint Admission Matriculation Board

Photo Credit: Atlanta Blackstar

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The Wivesrountable Foundation Cloths Underprivildeged Women In Surulere LCDA of Lagos State (Nigeria)

How does it feel when you get lovely, but free cloths? Such exactly were the joys of the women clothed by The Wivesroundtable Foundation this past Saturday.

As the late Maya Angelou once said- people would forget what you said, but they'll never forget how you made them feel. The event which took place on the 15th of February 2020, catered to the need of some underprivileged women in Surulere Local Council Development Area of Lagos State (Nigeria). This they did by providing them befitting cloths, shoes, and bags to go about their everyday lives, as well as those to wear for special occasions. Children as well were not left out of this kind gesture.

Just as Rome was not built in a day, humanity as well cannot be changed in a day. As a result, we at Soul Writer's Blog celebrate the efforts of The Wivesroundtable Foundation, for you never really can understand the power of a smile until it is planted on your face. A big kudos to Mrs Amaka Chibuzo-Obi and her team. We see you!

More photos from the event:

Photo Source- The Wivesroundtable

One Reason You Should Be Yourself

I was writing a blogpost for a particular company and a thought came to mind which I penned down:

Smile

Nature has more than one trillion expressions- you are one of them;

-Beautiful, dazzling and irreplaceable.

the sun is one of nature's endless expressions. As an entity, it is more than enough.

Smile. Unburden yourself. You are enough. Perhaps more than enough.

~Eniola Olaosebikan.

If the sun could have access to its emotions, how do you think it would feel? You think it would be satisfied with itself? I guess not. As creatures, especially such with cognitive abilities, we tend to compare ourselves with other creatures a lot. But then truth be told, we all are different. Comparing ourselves with one another is denying our strength and embracing another creature’s strength. Imagine a Spider focusing on its frail nature, forgetting the fact that because of that same nature, it can be found conveniently in the king’s palace? The Spider focusing on its frail nature apart, imagine it comparing itself to the Lion who can roar mightily, won’t it lose its strength? Besides, can a Lion be found conveniently in the king’s palace? When we compare ourselves with others, we become nothing in our own sight, and our uniqueness becomes lost in the process.

Whilst it is true that a light others have that you do not have may attract you, the onus lies on us never to allow our sight be blinded. Shine anyway. Make use of what you have. Bask in its uniqueness. The world would be a better place when a lion takes pride in being a lion, and an ant takes pride in being an ant, knowing fully well that each occupies a different niche, out of the many niche nature has made available. 

The ant so much gloried in being itself that human beings-its superiors, were sent to learn from it. In the places where lions and all were mentioned as well, Spiders, Lizard, Locust and other animals we would not necessarily look at twice were mentioned too. In essence, for the world to notice us and for us to be who we are really meant to be, we have to allow ourselves to live/shine without any form of comparison.

The earth has four creatures that are very small but very wise: The feeble ant has little strength, yet look how it diligently gathers its food in the summer to last throughout the winter. The delicate rock-badger isn’t all that strong, yet look how it makes a secure home, nestled in the rocks. The locusts have no king to lead them, yet they cooperate as they move forward by bands. And the small lizard is easy to catch as it clings to the walls with its hands, yet it can be found inside a king’s palace.

There are four stately monarchs who are impressive to watch as they go forth: the lion, the king of the jungle, who is afraid of no one, the rooster strutting boldly among the hens, the male goat out in front leading the herd, and a king leading his regal procession.

Proverbs 30:24-32 (TPT)

No matter who you are, you have a quota to contribute to the universe. Bask in it and be happy. The world always longs for something new, be the new the world has never seen (and would never see again after your demise). If you do what only you can do, the world would have no choice but to notice no matter where you are from, or how little you think you are. 

Be you!

Photo Credit: moishistoiredesnoirs.com

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Regrets And Healing

My new year as it were has not ended. I have been going through my life as though a movie for the past few weeks, and I have been trying to correct some issues I found there. You would agree with me that depending on what lies in your past, it could be a painful and quiet moment, or a happy and joyful one seeing that upon going through your life, you have no regret. Or perhaps a mixture of the two for some reasons.

On my part, I would say it’s a mixture of the two. Basically because the mistakes I made have led me to glorious places I can’t deny, just as promised in Romans 8:28. Some things I would want to be sad (and sometimes bitter) about, but when I remember where the experience landed me, I begin to shed tears of joy because through it all, I felt the love and warmth of God.

Do I have regrets? In all honesty, I would say no, but that is not to say I do not have some painful and foolish experiences. This review I found myself doing unconsciously at first, has shaken so many things in my life. Imagine a strong man shaking a tree full of fruits? The shakings would no doubt cause things to fall off, especially such fruits that are spoilt and waiting for the slightest wind. When such tree is released from such vigourous shake, it would have been pruned of literally all the bad fruits on it, leaving the strong and young ones, thereby making the tree healthy once again.

One thing that helps to have a healthy pruning, especially such that wouldn’t lead to a break down/depression is to have the Maker of hearts with you- God; in such a way that as you are discovering the hurts, He’s pumping you full with His comfort, love and acceptance, such that by the time you are done pruning, you are already healed, instead of leaning on time to heal you. Yeah, some wounds would take time to heal, but the comfort and succour we get along the way makes it easier. It’s like pouring methylated spirit, iodine on a wound, or perhaps cleaning it with hydrogen peroxide. There would be a wound still, but the presence of such elements in the wound would help heal the wound at a faster rate.

What state are you in today? Do you feel like your world has ended? Why not go to the surgery room (as I call it)? There you would find your heart taking you through time, and as well- your Maker, present as a specialist, waiting with His nurses such as comfort, love, joy, peace and all to perform your suctions. Go through the moments if need be, feel the pain, but surrender it to God to do what He would with it. Most Heroes we look up to, especially in the past, we would agree that their pains landed them to where they eventually found themselves. A look at Joseph, he had no business being in slavery, and even in the prison, but some way, somehow, he found himself there. We all would agree that despite the forgiving heart and all he had, the experiences he garnered during the process of slavery and prison made him a much better leader. His father’s house wouldn’t have been his training ground, who would he have led, especially being the 11th of 12 children?

Sometimes sad, but then, God always have a way of making us arrive at our promised lands. The experience you have been through that you so much hate may be the wings on which your destiny would be announced. Jesus, our perfect example is not an exception to this principle- how He suffered to the cross, but the same cross He cried bitterly for God to take away later became the crux of His assignment in life.

So, relax sis, relax bro. I know you are tired of everything, perhaps with some regrets, but hand it over to God, review it with your heart (no matter the number of years ago it happened), and let the healing process begin. It may not be easy, but surrender to the process, and let God make of you- a better ‘tree’. 

Much love sisters and brothers. See you next week Wednesday by His Grace. Experiences are welcomed to be shared.

Photo Credit: Stocksy United.

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