Dear Men: Here Is A Secret About Women

I was once with a guy and he told me one thing that struck my heart. He must have said it casually, perhaps out of his own superficial observation, but that word hit me, cos to an extent, I understand the underlying pain and depth to what he saw as casual, as well as cheap.

He had said- ‘Girls in this school are cheap. Just buy them doughnut and drink and they are all over you’. Perhaps a tad of what he said may be true, but there sure was more to what he said.

It’s no news that ladies love security, no matter the form it comes in. But of all the securities that comes with what ladies want, the most important one might not be financial as thought by many. Most likely, it is the mental type- the state of knowing ‘no matter what, I am loved’. It goes deeper when the love can be pinned to a soul, say for instance their father or perhaps brother, or someone else masculine they feel they can trust.

Ladies that are seen to fall for the ‘doughnut and drink’ actually fell for something- the fact that someone cares about them in a seemingly thoughtful way.

To you as a guy buying the drink, you are just buying a drink, but sometimes, ladies see beyond the drink, to an actual act of care. And this is because most (African) ladies come from mechanical homes. Homes where things are done mechanically and out of necessity. I.e- things are bought in the house because the house needs it, and not necessarily because a particular individual needs it. As a result, what is felt while growing up is a form of general love, and not necessarily one seen as peculiar and thoughtful. Owing to this, when ladies come across a guy that do things just because it is them, especially with no seeming ulterior motive, they feel a bit special and seen.

So, dear men, the next time you see that lady go all giddy because you got her a gift or did something tangible for her, don't think she is cheap. Instead, see her as grateful, especially for the fact that somebody cares that little, or sometimes much about her. And at that, please kindly know that based on your difference in age, or perhaps what you represent to her, she sees you as either a brother figure, or a father figure.

When you see a lady and all you want is sex, kindly do not deceive her by showing her affection, especially one borne out of an ulterior motive. Or better still, kindly make sure you are on the same page- that she wants you for what you want her for, else, please back off (knowing that the same thing you do to someone else' daughter, will invariably be done to yours or any cherished female figure in your life).

And to the women out there, I know how much you desire to be loved, especially by that one 'special' being. But till God sends the person to you in a holy way, never forget how loved you are by the One who formed you, as well - how cherished you are by Him. I know sometimes it's not easy being seemingly without love, but then, know that you are covered by the greatest, highest and purest love that be- Your Creator's love.

Till I come your way next week, please know that I care. Much love dear sis. 

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