Can Mr. Available Become Mr. Right?

I once wrote an article on BellaNaija- the one that compared Mr. Right to Mr. Available. In as much as the things talked about in the first article holds true, based on a question asked by an acquaintance of mine who read the article, I would love to bring in another perspective to the issue.

When I was in school, my friend told me the story of how she met her husband, especially the condition in which she met her husband. She had just come out of a failed relationship when they met. They met in church, and my friend noticed that not many girls came around him. She soon figured out the why. Her husband, who just an acquaintance at the time smelled a lot, and not only that, he also dressed in a way that no one trying to be a big girl would want to be seen with him. His fashion sense and mannerism to an extent was zero.

But then, my friend having spent quite some time with him realized how much of a good man he was. She suddenly began being drawn to him, and as a result of her association with her, he gradually began dressing well, smelling nice, and had a bit of mannerism which made ladies who had shun him and taken him as nothing attracted to him. Suddenly everybody wanted Bassey to be on their team while carrying out church activities, and most assuredly, a number of people wouldn’t mind him walking them home as well.

When my friend told me this story, I was amazed. I looked at her husband’s picture (who was her fiancé then) and saw no trace of what my friend described. Her story changed something in me. It made me a bit more tolerant and perhaps more open. For if her husband- Bassey could change having being what she described earlier, then maybe some things can move to the ‘should have list’ instead of the ‘must have’ which really has not been easy carrying about.

In this story, one can say in a way that Mr. Available in time became Mr. Right. But is it a wise channel to take? I would say it depends. From what my friend told me, this guy- Bassey had great characters. He was (and still is) a good man. All that needed to change was his outward appearance, which in some ways, began to take shape once my friend stepped in. This is not to say that we should get ourselves involved in ‘missionary dating’ (missionary dating happens when we willfully enter a relationship with a 90% intention to change the man).

In my friend’s case, she never knew they would get married. All she was just doing was being a good friend, and in some ways, suggesting some things to Bassey which he took with a good heart. I guess this is where the difference lies. Besides, there is a thin line between this approach, and ultimately making a wrong decision, because in the real sense, not every Mr. Available has the tendency to become Mr. Right as it were.

What are the things that can make turn a Mr. Available into Mr. Right? Simply put, I’ll say when the things he possesses that you do not like do not fall under your ‘must haves’. Let’s say your ‘must haves’ includes – ‘honesty, God fearing, understanding, kind, does not abuse, and so on’, and he lacks 90% of this, he’ll naturally not be able to make it to your Mr. right. On the other hand, let’s say the man possesses 90% of your ‘must have’ and he lacks say- 50% of your ‘should have’, you might perhaps give time a chance and sees what becomes of it. By the way, ‘must have’ includes qualities you can’t do without in a man, while the ‘should haves’ includes the quality you desire, but can still do without in a guy to an extent. For instance, your ‘should have’ could include – ‘being organized, opens car door for you, knows how to cook, goes to the salon to do his manicure and pedicure, and so on’.

The bottom line remains never sacrificing our ‘must have’ in the name of being in a relationship or getting engaged. In other words, in everything we do, it would be good to give time and nature a chance. With someone who loves you, time might make him change for your sake (most time without him even knowing). With regards to nature, his willingness to be flexible and try new things could make him…

In all, Mr. Right or Mr. Available, let’s always weigh our options. Weighing our options gives us a chance of either walking away, or staying (being fully aware of what we are getting ourselves into). Besides, no matter the advice we get or article we read, let us never do without our intuition. For the most part, our intuition knows more than us and can accurately (most of the time) see into our future. If per any chance your intuition says no, kindly give the thought time instead of rushing into the marriage or relationship. And if in doubt, you can always pray- Christian, Muslim or otherwise.

Photo Credit: Singleblackmale.org

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