Learning To See The Beauty Of Your Life Despite The Struggles

We start life thinking life is a race, only to discover it’s a journey.

Why do we think life is a race? Because like it happens in races, we start life together with our mates, thinking we are headed towards the same destination, with a prize awaiting the individual who arrives first. This idea holds sway in primary school, secondary school, and sometimes university. When we leave university, we expect the same trend, only to realize after a long while that everyone’s life is peculiar. Some marry after university, some travel out of their countries of origin, others settle down to work, and so on.

The sad thing is that the society, even our parents speaks to us as though life is a race. ‘see your mates out there’, ‘see Tola, Iya Doyin’s daughter, you started together…”. Sometimes based on the comparison, we begin to feel bad, and not enough. However, liberation comes the moment we realize that life is not meant to be lived in packs, but in peculiarity. No doubt at some points, we might have moments of similarities, but that’s all about it. We return to our peculiarities per time.

Life, as I have come to discover is an experience for us all, no one has passed through this way before. No doubt we have people telling us what to do, giving us rules, and all, but sometimes, it works only for the writer, and a few people on a similar journey. Note - few in the last sentence might mean millions, considering the fact that there are billions of people on the earth. As a result, I would dare to say – life sometimes is a matter of trial and error. The only thing I would say has stood the test of time would be the written Word – the Bible. This is because things in this book has stood the test of time, and will keep standing (I say this not because I am a Christian, but for the fact that it is the only book in my opinion that have withstood centuries, and is still standing. It details things from the past, to the present, and then the future, and the lifestyle written therein is the truest and most rewardable life in the long run you can find). Another reason why this book has stood the test of time might be the fact that the book literally predates us as humans, especially some experiences therein.

If life is like I see it at the moment (an experience of trial and error to some varying degrees, as well as a journey full of ups and downs), how then do we find balance, and as well, see the beauty in the life we live, especially if it does not feel palatable at the moment?

My number one would be – count your blessings always. How do we count our blessings? Through retrospect, as well as gratitude. We appear thankless because we happen to be familiar with our life. Familiarity no doubt breeds contempt. One way to avoid the plague of familiarity with the life we live is to see our lives (the struggles notwithstanding) as a miracle. When I was much younger, I used to thank God for one thing – the fact that I have a mind, and I happen to be privy to every little thing that goes on in it. That for many years felt amazing for me (well, until adulthood crept in and stole the wonder of the thought from me as it were).

No doubt you feel things are not working in your favour as much as you desire, but then, come to think of it, you have several other things too. You have the breath of life (which is about the greatest symbol of hope a mortal being can have asides faith in God), and in most cases, you have a good health too. The combination of this (breath and good health) can make anything possible. What about moments of joy you’ve had on the course of your journey? As well as difficult issues you’ve been through that serves as a form of hope, and inspiration for the future?

If there is anything I miss about being in Wales, UK, it would be my nature tour per time. Being present in nature, especially such with serenity and beauty calms me down like nothing else I know. If you happen to be like me, going to a quiet and beautiful place would help focus your thought on the beauty and greatness of God, instead of the seeming complexity of your troubles.

These tips might feel simple, and somehow ‘cheesy’, but then, I hope it works for you. If it doesn’t, please find something else that would, especially for your sanity sake. As well, inasmuch as this happens to be my advice, if at all any relief, it will be good to know that I am not yet a pro on these things discussed. Having seen the stability it gives to my soul when practiced, I am learning to get a hold of it, in addition to making my mind fixed on heavenly things by engaging in spiritual activities such as reading the Bible, praying and worshipping. Life, as well as this experience, proves to be a journey for me.

I wish us all well.

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Comfort For When A Loved One Dies

Somebody you loved died. Somebody with a kind heart (e.g Ibidun Ighodalo) died, and the whole world becomes afraid, thinking - who will die next?

Can I say something?

I will be lying if I say the death all around did not get to me, especially the death of the good ones who left very early. But then, can we put on our thinking caps?

Jesus died at the age of 33. If you were alive at the time Jesus died, your thought could be - 'if Jesus died, who else is safe?'. And suddenly, a spirit of fear and uncertainty descends. And from there, anxiety springs up...But then, do you know what? -

Jesus died fulfilling His purpose even though to those watching, He died 'untimely'. I have come to realize that we did not make time, and as a result, we do not get to decide what is timely, or untimely. We do not get to decide who married 'late' and who married 'early'.

As human beings living on this planet space called earth, our times are all in God's Hands. 

As a result, if you are angry at God for taking a loved one, or fearful that you might be next owing to an unexpected death around you, relax. The fact that Jesus died young did not make everyone start dying at the age of 33. It also did not mean that He sinned and His sin took Him out.

Until we realize that our journeys are different and unique, fear and dissatisfaction may plague us all our lives.

So, relax bro. Relax sis. God's gat you, and your life is in His Hands. There is no safety in fear, only sicknesses and misbehaviours. Death should make us realize one thing - our sojourn here on earth is temporary. It shouldn't invoke the spirit of fear into us.

And so, if you've been battling with the spirit of anxiety and depression as a result of painful/unexpected death, I speak Phillippians 4:6-8 to you. May the peace of God that passes all human understanding become yours, especially as you ruminate on the greatness of God, and the fact that come what may, He's got you.

*Hugs*

*N.B* - If you are angry God took your loved one, remember He gives to all, and has the liberty to take as well. We all are His creatures, we met on earth and became father, mother, brother, sister, wife, husband, best friend...and the list goes on. If you are a farmer and you pluck your maize at the time you feel is right, are you being wicked or being thoughtful? (If maizes could talk, especially if they bond like humans on arrival, don't you think they'll hate the farmer instead of seeing the farmer's reason? Especially the fact that they were not planted to live forever in the first place).

 Every creator of an earthly product has the right to release to the market, and withdraw at will. God gave Jesus to Mary. The same God took Jesus when it was time (for a greater good no man could see at the time). If we see life as a market of some sort, then giving God the 'Creator right' would go a long way to alleviate our pain per time. 

I hope this hard life's truth meets you well.

Shalom.

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What Was The First Thing You Thought About That One Time You Thought You Would Die?

As a child, I was told I’d had a bit of health scares. The first I was told was when I took chloroquine and almost passed out as a result. All because I happened to be allergic to chloroquine but no one knew. My mum even though a practicing doctor at the time said she was very scared.

The second time was when I took yellow yam (called Esuru in local Yoruba language). My mum said the same thing – I almost passed out and once again, they were very scared. While I have been able to take Yellow Yam after the incidence as I got older, I still happen to be allergic to chloroquine.

However, as an adult, I remember one health scare I had. It was during the time of Ebola – 2014. I had entered a bus, and a child from nowhere had vomited beside me. Coincidentally, days after the experience, I became ill and was experiencing some core symptoms of Ebola – vomiting, diarrhea, temperature and the likes. Funny isn’t it?

While I laid on my bed afraid of what could be as a result of my experience in the bus few days prior, one thing laid in my heart that I couldn’t let go. The books I wanted to write, and such I could have written. Nothing else mattered to me save for that. Even though I was scheduled to go for my Masters in the UK at the time, it never came as a regret on my ‘dying bed’.

It’s been said that the thing you think about times you’ve thought death was inevitable for you are the things that really matters. The regret or pain that fills you is a great pointer to what matters. For some, it was the pain of not spending enough time with their family, for others, like me then, it was the pain of not being able to fulfill what they perceive as their purpose for living.

Have you ever had a health scare? What was your thought at that moment? If you stare at death’s face like most people have in their course of living, what would matter to you most at that point? Seek that thing out and try to make amends if needed, and in the case of purpose, try to pursue it all you can, despite the many obstacles you would face.

Considering the transient nature of life, all that would matter when we are gone would be the legacy the passion in our heart made us leave behind. I.e - the love of humanity we carried in our heart that made us pursue what we felt mattered and would be of use to humanity, as well as the genuine care we showed to the people around us.

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All Is Well That Ends Well

Hey Family! How are we, and hope we are keeping safe? Trust we are good? For a piece of encouragement today, I would encourage us to read this article – The lie I was told.

The main reason for today’s post is to say a (temporary?) goodbye to Wednesday blog posts. This is not to say the blog is shutting down or stopping its operation, it is to say that the blog would return to how it was in the beginning. A place of random postings instead of a fixed day. It would as well return to the days of poem postings, and other random things other than an article.

A cogent reason for the existence of this blog is for it to be a reflective corner, as well as an escape place: A world you would get in and feel safe, or perhaps challenged. Thank God for the maintenance of this vision; only this would have to go on without a fixed day attached to it.

So, any time you need some form of courage, view, opinion, etc, kindly feel free to visit the blog. We would be more than happy to receive you. If there are articles you would love to share, as well as experiences, we are more than happy to welcome you, as long as it coincides with the vision of the blog.

As we go on this path, kindly feel free to bring issues up for discussion (the comment section is always opened). Feel free to share your opinion – either for, or against, knowing fully well that the blog is here for us all, and in some cases, a size does not fit all. This blog was created to smoothen our passage through life by providing knowledge and experiences for us, such that would inform our decisions for the best. It was as well established to be one of our safe places in an insane world.

In bringing this particular aspect of the blog to a close, I would love to candidly appreciate you for all the forms of love shown thus far. Thank you for always looking forward to our blogpost, for noticing the few times it was missing and bringing it to our notice, as well for all the comments, shares and likes on all social platforms. As an individual on the blog, I am very grateful, and my heart is indeed full.

A special shout out to Mr. Kenny Oluseyi – a great friend of the blog, and to Emmahertz and Adepeju Adeniran for being such a faithful force on the blog. I duly appreciate you. To the one who always support and help out before the blog comes live – Alaba Onajin, I appreciate all your efforts, and I say a very big thank you.

Till we see the next time the blog comes live (by His Grace), kindly know that I love and honour you (speaking of everyone - mentioned or otherwise). Thank you all. *Hugs*

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Breaking Free From Self-sabotage

As someone who have spent a few decades on earth, I realize it matters not the stage of our growth. Child or adult, we all have voices speaking inside our heads and mostly, they are voices telling us negative things about ourselves. Voices telling us we can’t do things or that we can’t become something. We have voices that try to bring us down through comparison, and voices trying to struggle with us expressing our true selves. We have those voices that seek to control all we do and how we do the things we do; voices that tries to mock us when we try to attempt things by telling us- “you too”. In essence, we all in life whether young or old, fights some kind of battle- mostly emotional or psychological battles if you would call it.

One thing this battle focuses and thrives on is comparison. It starts as a child by putting us down for not having the same beautiful dress as Tessy’s, and also beautiful looking shoes, and great hair bonds. The voice makes us feel that because we do not have exactly what our contemporaries have, we are less than enough. Then it goes further by whispering doubts into us, and then later incompetence and eventually lack of confidence. It gets worse if as a child, your parents were always shouting on you for reasons absurd or unknown, even when you do things that to you at the time seemed normal. All these thoughts as little children find their ways into our adult life and somehow end up trying to ruin our adult experience even though on the outside we are no more that child we were. We become adults, but with a broken child inside of us following us all about and as a result, trying to ruin our adult life. How do we break free?

One major way I would say to break free is actually sitting down with our thoughts. What do we think of ourselves? And why? Digging deep into those thoughts, even the buried ones would help a lot to unpack those baggage that have come with us all the way but has no business being with us. Finding that little child within us that was broken and needs a lot of love and assurance would go a long way. To do this, you can write your thoughts down, or simply think about them while in a quiet space.

There might be many other ways, but for time sake, I would want to put the other way as – worship. Worship reveals a lot of things to us while healing us (sometimes at the same time). A true worship sometimes feels like bleeding while a doctor is nearby. Yes, things that are wrong gets seen, but almost immediately, God (through same worship) is right beside your side to help with the wound. Besides, a heart that worships more often gets lifted of many earthly burdens.

Does that mean that doing these things would rid us of self-doubt and negative voices once and for all? An honest answer would be no. Why? Because as along as we live on this mortal earth, there would always be forces and voices trying to pull us down, but then, the two ways spoken about in this article would help us have a form of control over the issue. The process continues for all the struggles we’ll find ourselves per time.

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Dear Teenage Me (2)

The last time we spoke, I talked to the little you- it was a really fun talk, as well as a humbling one. Today, I’ll take a visit to the teenage you, based on some things I know now. In as much as there are many things to say (about aunties, uncles, neighbours and friends), like we did during our last talk; today, I will talk  about something quite intimate and personal: beauty- your own beauty. Shall we?

First and foremost, what does beauty mean to you? oh wow, I see you trying to wipe your tears, you don’t know what beauty is. Your idea of beauty is that Papa tells you; when he tells you your ears are too big (just like your mother, he would add, so as not to feel harsh, even though him and momma divorced years ago and what they have for themselves is nothing but hatred). He would tell you too, that you are too black and that you are too thin. And because that was all you ever heard, to have the opposite of what he abused you for was your idea of beauty. So, you think you are not good enough, not to talk of being beautiful enough.

Remember too? Back when you were much younger, when you just changed your school and you were in Primary 4- how those new class mates of yours would tease you about your legs being long and bonny. I guess they also said you have a k-leg, right? So if the ears are gone, the skin is gone and as well the legs, what remains? What is left to make a beautiful body? And oh, remember uncle Tom? Daddy’s youngest brother who used to take you to school and take care of you then? Remember the things he did to you then? How he laid on you and did so many shocking things with you, asking you not to tell a soul? And so, what’s there to love about you, you’ve always asked yourself. Well, I will tell you something; it’s quite long, but then, if daddy does not call me in the next five minutes to welcome his younger sister- aunty Bola who just returned from England, then I will tell you everything.

First and foremost, you know that idea about beauty? That we are all meant to be a certain way? And that if you are not tall and fair you are not beautiful? It’s a lie. Guess my shock when I discovered it. I realized that the idea of saying we all should be the same even though we come from different family trees, is a big illusion. For how would you expect someone with short and sturdy parents to suddenly be tall and slender? How would you expect a parent who had had no history of fairness in their lineage to suddenly give birth to someone fair? Yes, for some reasons, these things can happen- when a baby comes to the world with a mind and skin of its own (as grandma would say when talking to Timileyin your younger brother who she just doesn’t understand).

So, back to my discovery. You remember catfish, right? it’s like saying a catfish and another fish specie coming together should give birth to a dog(!) Would that be possible? Yeah, in as much as they would give birth to a fish, it would be an entirely different kind of fish. Such are humans when we come together to have our child(ren). Of course, we would produce a human being, but the difference of our individual nature and specie would make us give birth to someone different- someone the world would never see again in form and nature. That means- as humans, we come once in a life time. We are actually not limited editions, we are masterpieces!- A glimpse of inspiration that flashes across once, in a specific form that would never again form again in another human specie (except for a doppelganger effect, which we both know does not exist. They were myths told and passed down to generations).

I wish I can tell you much more about beauty, but then I can hear aunty Bola’s voice at the background; daddy will soon call me, so let me just rush to tell you this before I go. Oh, something just came to my mind now! I will use it to explain better what I said the other time; Let me quickly rush through!

You remember Leonardo da Vinci?- Dad’s favourite artist of all time that he would always talk about? Remember the many masterpieces he produced as an artist? The same artist, different masterpieces? It is exactly what happens when humans produce. And it is one reason same parents can give birth to different individuals.

 You are a masterpiece. Your legs, the ear and all the things you have that daddy/others always mocked you for? Those are exactly the things that makes you you! Imagine if one day you walked into the living room with much smaller ears, a very fair skin, fat legs and all; would daddy still recognize you? I bet no, because the Febisola he knows is one that is exactly like you- slim, tall, lovely dark skin, lovely ears (even though he calls them big, who else in the world has them exactly like yours?) and all. Even he would disown you if you happen to walk into his house like that, at least for a minute, because you are no longer the idea of Febisola that comes to his mind when he imagines you.

All that said, who you are is unique. You are a walking breathing masterpiece. Once you are gone (in your old ripe age I pray), nobody else would be exactly like you. People might try to copy you, but none would be you exactly. Or have you seen another Michael Jackson? Another Frank Sinatra, or Maya Angelou? No, because they are gone and gone for life. That exact face of them cannot be naturally achieved, because we humans comes once in a lifetime, as a masterpiece of creation. So, relax babe, you are beautiful, just the way you are. Smile, because no one else is, and can be like you.

Daddy just called me now. I will come back to you later. When I come, I will talk to you about what is called self-awareness, and why you should have it, especially as the teenager you are. I will also talk to you about what uncle Tom did to you, and why you should not allow it define you anymore even though you’ve carried the memories and secret pain for years.

I love you my baby. Never give up on us, at least for me and you, because the you you become today, would affect the me I would become tomorrow. Trends and patterns it is called.

Article though written by blogger first appeared in Bella Naija - 23/03/2020

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