Crazy Bridal Blues?

My friend Ipadeola had always wanted to get married. I could remember as a child growing up, she was the one who would always turn her wrapper into a princess dress, and sometimes even, wrap her mother’s white lace wrapper around her whole body to depict her being a bride.

Ipadeola’s childhood dream of marriage I would say was as a result of pop culture at the time, especially the books she read which told her ‘and they lived happily ever after’. Back then, Ipadeola’s desire of marriage was based on the fact that marriage would give you happiness, especially such you’ve never had before.  Who doesn’t want happiness, especially such that appears free and effortless?

But then, growing up and seeing the reality of life, the desire to get married to be happy slowly began to fade away. Ipadeola being an introvert, now desired to get married based on companionship and understanding. She wanted someone who would understand her, including all her seeming weirdness, and also serve as a soul companion to her. In the same vein, provided the person’s weirdness was not one that could make her lose her sanity and peace, she was willing to be all that to the person as well, given that as human beings, we all possess a degree of weirdness in us. So, someone who can accommodate hers, and she can accommodate his as well without each party losing any sanity, peace and friendship would be just fine.

Well, moving on to real adulthood, for some reasons, Ipadeola never found a man she would want to spend the rest of her life with. She resulted to being happy by herself, and just at the peak period she was enjoying her single life, a man walked in. They had an amazing relationship, and just about the time they were about getting married, Ipadeola started having some scares.

Ipadeola’s major problem as an introverted single was having more of younger people as friends, than people her agemate. By the virtue of the conferences she attends, and her job type, she realized that she is indeed surrounded by younger people (with age difference ranging from 3 to 9years). She had found it quite hard mixing with them initially, but then, having mixed with them through series of official outings and travels, she realized that life is indeed fun with loving and vision-filled people around- younger or older. As well, being a very beautiful lady, she garnered attention almost everywhere she went to, and to a large extent, she discovered those attentions got her favours.

Now that her boyfriend had proposed to her and it suddenly dawned on her that she might lose her friends (because they might want to respect her more now that she is married, and as a result, create distance between them, especially for the fact that she had found real friendship among them though younger to her in age), and also for the fact that the attentions and favours she got for being without a ring (single) and beautiful might soon be coming to an end. She also fears that she might not be able to go out like before, especially volunteer for causes like she always loved doing (most of which she meets these younger people that later become her friends).

Even though she loves the man she is with, and would in turn get married to him, she fears that she might have to start again, as things might change a bit drastically after marriage, especially based on the fact that much respect is attached to a married lady, and men (who naturally was just attracted to her beauty with no ring on her finger) may suddenly begin to distance themselves from her. Should she not wear a ring after marriage? She asked herself, asking me too in the process. Perhaps the fear is one major reason artists (male and female) tend to hide their marital status to keep their fans. The males to an extent do not want their female fans to know they are actively dating, engaged or married, and the females too do likewise to their male fans.

Speaking of brides-to-be, has any bride experienced this dilemma or something similar? Is it normal to fear missing being single as pertaining to these issues raised? What would be your response to her? Plus is it a normal experience in the first place? Especially for intending brides?

“No doubt marriage requires many changes, which I am willing to make, as this man is worth my company. The reason why I put this to you is to ask if it’s a normal feeling to have, going by the fact that I am an introvert and it took me time to have the life I have now as a single” – she said.

Is she just being unreasonable and fearful without a reason, or it's one of such feelings that comes to mind before marriage? Or she is too used to getting attention and natural favours (with no-string attached) just by the virtue of her head-turning beauty and fears losing it? Perhaps a case of someone who wants to eat her cake and have it back?

I’m sure she would be reading this and as a result, would appreciate your inputs.

Much love.

N.B – I know it’s tagged ‘bridal blues’, but do men also have this kind of feeling? – Being afraid of what married life would be like without your seeming norm as a single? What do you all think?

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