Standards And Getting A Man

When a lady is single and quite advanced in age, without a second thought, almost everybody turns into an expert about her matter. They begin to tell her what to do and what not to do; everywhere she turns to without a ring on her finger, advise seems to pop up without solicitation and most of the time, the direct summary of most of the advice given is - ‘lower your standard’. The issue is not the advice per se because most of the time they are offered with good intentions; it is more of knowing what to do with the advice. Some are meant to be discarded, some considered, and perhaps a few treasured.

If on a glance at your life as a single person, you realize it’ll be good to follow people’s advice of lowering your standards to get a man, it’ll be helpful to know what to lower and what not to lower. To do this effectively, it might be quite helpful to ask yourself these questions:

·         What do I want in a man
·         What do I not want in a man
·         Who am I/who do I perceive myself to be?
·         What are my goals in life?
·         What is my vision in life?
·         What are my dreams?
·         What are my values and why? etc

To arrive at the first two questions, it will be good to have an answer to the later questions. Knowing who you are is key in determining what you want in a man; especially if you do not want your dream to die a natural death after marriage. To choose without these basic factors would likely be to choose a man based on feelings, emotions and perhaps physical appearances alone, meanwhile, it is the substance in a man that makes the man and not otherwise. This is because physical appearances in time would will fade, money sometimes could disappear, but the substance of a man, especially a man who is open to growth on a daily basis would remain.

A further step from the above would be to categorize your desires in a man. This you can do by separating your desires into wants and needs. Wants would be the characteristics you desire but can do without in some ways- they are more of the bonus factors after basic characteristics have been sorted out. Wants could vary from height, eye colour, weight, skin colour and the likes (depending on who you are and the things you desire). Needs on the other hand would refer to those things you cannot do without in a man. Examples of such could include - vision, staunch idea of purpose, understanding heart, listening ears, family orientation, modern approach to life- all depending on who you are and the things you strongly desire. Knowing these things would enable you to know what to touch or tweak a bit when reconsidering your standards as a single lady.

When appraising your standards as a lady looking forward to marriage and perhaps quite advanced in age, it will be good to start from those standards considered as wants. They are good places to start the elimination process. 

For everything you want in a man, it is good to know exactly why, or better still- have an idea of why you want them. It is also good to know why your needs are your needs. This is because it is easy to become quite emotional in the face of desperation especially if the container rather than the content appears so promising. Knowing what you want as well as the reasons why you want the things you want could actually act as a brake to slow you down so logical reasonings can be made. Intentionality is key in creating, maintaining or reviewing any standard made or to be made.

For the characteristics that are strong enough to qualify as needs, it will be helpful not to lower them. This is because they serve as the basis of what you want in a man, and the minimum a man must possess to have your hand in marriage. They are the factors that would lead to frustration if missing. For example, marrying a man with no vision as a woman of vision will in time frustrate you and make you either give up on your dream out of sheer helplessness and confusion, or move out of your matrimonial home to avoid excessive conflict and pursue your dreams. Lowering desires that qualifies as your need would equal settling, which would in time lead to regret after marriage.

In all, take your time to seriously consider and categorize your needs and wants as a single woman lest a man you shouldn’t have married for any reason comes and sweeps you off your feet only for you to wake up a week after wedding to realize you have made the greatest mistake of your life.

 Till I come your way next week Wednesday, I remain your blog host, friend, life's student and sharer. Do enjoy the remaining days of the week, most especially your weekend. Much love.

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Is There Anything Such as Bad Sex? (2)

Having sex as a married couple should be mutually fulfilling. The act of sex as couples should be the place where we express the most level of freedom bodily wise. Feel free, even in the act of sex to moanfully tell your spouse- “no baby”, and be free to guide him to the spot that would make you tickle. Shyness and fear are products of lack of intimacy, which in turn leads to lack of adequate communication, and as a result- Horrible, hurried and bad sex.

One other reason we (constantly) have bad sex is- (unnoticed) change. Just like our bodies change over the years, our desires as well changes. The way you liked sex when you married your spouse might not be the way you like it now. Not because of anything per se (except for illness and conditions), but just because of time, body changes and sometimes over familiarity. The body sometimes wants new tricks and treat. As a result, as married spouses, we must be aware of not just our mind change per time, but also our body change. We must pay adequate attention to ourselves in order to detect the ways in which our bodies have changed (over time) and how to respond to these changes such that would bring us to the level of past pleasures, and even much more.

Being the beginning of the year, it’ll be good to use this season to make the adjustments necessary (especially for couples who lives miles apart and majorly gets to see during periods like this- beginning of the year). Give your body exactly what it needs, and in the case you can’t really pinpoint, feel free to do various experiments with your spouse till you get to the moments where you scream and moan without a care. This season, let your spouse so hit the spot so much such that you forget about where you are (especially for ladies who tend to be so security conscious). Make your spouse call your name this season, and not his/her ex’s name (in their mind). Take charge and lead the way for your happiness if need be, and in as much as you take the charge for your own happiness, allow your spouse too take the lead for his/her own happiness as well, bearing in mind that a mutually satisfied couple tends towards being a happy couple.

Till I come your way next week Wednesday, keep showing your spouse the one million and one ways to hit the spot with you.

I remain your blog host, friend, student, thought sharer amidst many others. Do enjoy the rest of the week.

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Is There Anything Such As Bad Sex?

We live in an age of comparison- an age where nothing is good till compared. This act to an extent follows us into our matrimonial beds [especially with spouses with prior sexual experience(s)].

Since sex naturally is meant to be enjoyed as intended by its Creator, why then does it feels bad, and even awkward(!) some (or majority) of the time (as the case may be)? Well, to start with, based on the title of this article, let me ask us all a question- do we believe there’s anything such as bad sex? Yes? No? As shocking as it can be, my answer is no.

Why is sex considered to be bad in the first place? A popular reason would be because the sex had does not conform to what we would have felt or accepted in our body to be good. But then, in order to go a bit further into giving reasons why I feel there are no bad sex, it will be good to ask the question- what is good (or great sex as the case maybe) in the first place.

If we have a group of people gathered, and we ask them what great sex is, the answer would most definitely be different. In other words, our sexual needs are as distinct as our individual faces, or better still- our finger prints (which varies from person to person). So when it comes to matters of sex, what is good for one may not be good for the other.

Still talking about good/bad sex, the fact that we come into marriage with prior sexual experience most of the time does not seem to help (talking about people with prior sexual experience before marriage). We come into our marriage expecting ‘Chima’ to treat us as ‘Chinedu’ and ‘Dada’ to treat us as ‘Dauda’. And when the person we are with tends not to meet such criteria, we immediately snuff at them and term it to be bad sex. But then, how do you expect him to treat you as your ex if you do not tell him? Bearing in mind too that majority of the time, he is coming in with what he did with ‘Bisola’ and ‘Bisi’ and a whole lot of others, or worse still- what he watched in pornographic videos which is by far worse.

As a result, ‘bad sex’ happens because of lack of communication. Although the first time of having sex with your spouse can be permitted in some ways to be bad (owing to great differences in expectation and experience), but then subsequent ones do not have to be that way. Even for the first one, provided you and your spouse have an expressive intimacy, you can lovingly, and even playfully guide your spouse to your spots (and if it is your first time having sex- where you perceive would be your spot). Great sex is a result of great communication, and on the other hand, a sex termed as bad is as a result of poor communication. 

This article continues here

What's In A name?

I've had a number of people wonder about certain things, especially about the reality of such we would mention today. To do this, I would be using a couple of examples, both in the past and also in the present as given away by our theme picture- the one featuring Lady Gaga and the Queen of England. As a result, I would indulge you to take a ride with me (a pleasurable ride I promise), as I theoretically give a few preambles before introducing the topic as a scholar, and not as a religious person. So, here we go; let's all hop on the ride:

Sometimes ago, I read a book trying to understand how a particular truth came to be. With the Author's inability to understand the phenomenon, came the eagerness to dismiss the truth as a fallacy. This she did by dumbing down the truth- an easy way of escape for her most likely because she had tried so hard to figure it out on her own with no reasonable/progressive success. But then, one thing remains- the inability of us to see the wind as a physical and directly touchable entity does not discredit its existence; likewise the air we breathe in.

With the above opening picture, one thing comes to mind, what if Lady Gaga actually married into into the royal family? What could have happened? Many things I guess, but one major thing would be that she would have a new identity, her past not withstanding. With time, even though we try to criticize her based on her past, she would become a more respectable figure, instead of the controversial figure she has in some ways grown to be. Why? Because of her new name and status. Her past as a matter of fact becomes irrelevant. Her new status and name automatically gives her a new beginning- one respect worthy and more welcoming. Anywhere she goes as a result for an official assignment, she becomes taken serious and respected.

Why am I saying all these? It's because of the Name of Jesus, and the act of being born again. The fact that people can't explain how the death of one man can bring about and do so many things. But then, think this, back in the day, when a certain village in Africa for instance has an issue, and they consult an oracle, most of the time, they are usually told to sacrifice a human being, in most cases a virgin to bring about peace and stability in the village once again, and someway somehow, especially for the time being, after the sacrifice, everything on the instant seemingly becomes all good again, all due to the death/sacrifice of this single being.

In a similar (though more glorious way), the death of Jesus brings about a ransome for the whole world, for as many that believes in Him, and as a matter of fact, just like the idea of Lady Gaga marrying into a royal family, His Name which we now bear, gives us an exceedingly brand new start, devoid of all the things seen or termed as wrong we have done. We become brand new, acceptable and respected, and the things those who would not see us that way say, would not count, because for all that matters, we are all brand new, different from whoever did all the controversial things in the beginning; all because we (now) have a new name.

I just thought to share this phenomenon, to aid us both- Believers and non-Believers, and give us a better understanding of what happens when these things are mentioned. So perhaps, if you may, see this as a term paper expatiating things based on past theories and believes, as well as new and existing ones. Thank you for reading, and till In come your way again, remain blessed and enlightened. Much love.








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One Thing That Is Needful

I bet you have heard people say countless of time that ‘adulting’ is hard. It’s the period in which everything once free becomes priced; the period which you get to begin to appreciate the beauty of giving- especially such that your parents gave to you unconditionally: the education, care, self-denial on their part and all. But then, above the whole ‘adulting’ thing, one thing I have come to discover more than ever as the one thing that is needful, especially such that makes us find our balance as meaningful adults, as well as one essential crux to the successful adult we long to be is- Hard work.

Hard and focused work is the gap between where we are, and where we want to be. No doubt, some other factors such as integrity, diligence, and what have you comes to play, but there is nothing such as hard work. The more I grow in life, the more I realize the importance of it, and the fact that there is no substitute- big or small for it. Perhaps it’s one thing that makes being an adult hard because as a child, all we ever did was get and get without putting in the exact hard work required as it were.

A while back on Instagram, I saw an Instagram video showing Ayo Makun singing and rapping to some song of sorts. Back in the video, one could literally see his bones, especially his neck as it were all out, such that at the top of the video, it was written “this cannot be AY”, but then, fortunately or unfortunately, he was the one. What brought him to where he is now? Hard work- hard work in the right and focused direction.

Quite ironic to an extent is the fact that we unconsciously think that successful people just ‘appear’ from nowhere, without putting into consideration the fact they’ve been working and laboring literally all day long before the spotlight shined on them. We see the glamour, they see the work and sometimes the time it took. You never know how much hard work success requires until you are well on the path and you discover that it actually requires much more than you thought it would. Success/growing up requires our all: our will, determination, grits and all.

The right kind of hard work requires us identifying our core and giving our knowledgeable best and all to it. My charge to us all (myself inclusive) would be to sit down and count our cost so we would know the kind of hard work the course we are pursuing/want to pursue requires, even while leaving room for more as most times along the way, more hard work is usually needed.

In this new year- 2019, it will be great to literally bury everything we are doggedly into the course we believe in, so we can have a much more different result from our previous years. As well, it will be great to lose all our fears and put on our garment of courage, because in as much as hard work is needed, the need for courage will also pop up at some points in time; the courage to connect with the people we must connect with (no matter how far away they seem), as well as the courage to take the exact and bold steps needed along the way (as we bury ourselves into what we know and believe God would have us do per time in year 2019). To be all we should, we must be able to give all we can.

Before I go, being the first very (Wednesday) post, and the second day of the virgin year- I would like to wish us all a happy new year and a joyful and prosperous year ahead. Let’s all have fun unwrapping with hard work, patience, grits and courage, all the year has for us.

From me to you- a kind and warm Regards.

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