Standards And Getting A Man

When a lady is single and quite advanced in age, without a second thought, almost everybody turns into an expert about her matter. They begin to tell her what to do and what not to do; everywhere she turns to without a ring on her finger, advise seems to pop up without solicitation and most of the time, the direct summary of most of the advice given is - ‘lower your standard’. The issue is not the advice per se because most of the time they are offered with good intentions; it is more of knowing what to do with the advice. Some are meant to be discarded, some considered, and perhaps a few treasured.

If on a glance at your life as a single person, you realize it’ll be good to follow people’s advice of lowering your standards to get a man, it’ll be helpful to know what to lower and what not to lower. To do this effectively, it might be quite helpful to ask yourself these questions:

·         What do I want in a man
·         What do I not want in a man
·         Who am I/who do I perceive myself to be?
·         What are my goals in life?
·         What is my vision in life?
·         What are my dreams?
·         What are my values and why? etc

To arrive at the first two questions, it will be good to have an answer to the later questions. Knowing who you are is key in determining what you want in a man; especially if you do not want your dream to die a natural death after marriage. To choose without these basic factors would likely be to choose a man based on feelings, emotions and perhaps physical appearances alone, meanwhile, it is the substance in a man that makes the man and not otherwise. This is because physical appearances in time would will fade, money sometimes could disappear, but the substance of a man, especially a man who is open to growth on a daily basis would remain.

A further step from the above would be to categorize your desires in a man. This you can do by separating your desires into wants and needs. Wants would be the characteristics you desire but can do without in some ways- they are more of the bonus factors after basic characteristics have been sorted out. Wants could vary from height, eye colour, weight, skin colour and the likes (depending on who you are and the things you desire). Needs on the other hand would refer to those things you cannot do without in a man. Examples of such could include - vision, staunch idea of purpose, understanding heart, listening ears, family orientation, modern approach to life- all depending on who you are and the things you strongly desire. Knowing these things would enable you to know what to touch or tweak a bit when reconsidering your standards as a single lady.

When appraising your standards as a lady looking forward to marriage and perhaps quite advanced in age, it will be good to start from those standards considered as wants. They are good places to start the elimination process. 

For everything you want in a man, it is good to know exactly why, or better still- have an idea of why you want them. It is also good to know why your needs are your needs. This is because it is easy to become quite emotional in the face of desperation especially if the container rather than the content appears so promising. Knowing what you want as well as the reasons why you want the things you want could actually act as a brake to slow you down so logical reasonings can be made. Intentionality is key in creating, maintaining or reviewing any standard made or to be made.

For the characteristics that are strong enough to qualify as needs, it will be helpful not to lower them. This is because they serve as the basis of what you want in a man, and the minimum a man must possess to have your hand in marriage. They are the factors that would lead to frustration if missing. For example, marrying a man with no vision as a woman of vision will in time frustrate you and make you either give up on your dream out of sheer helplessness and confusion, or move out of your matrimonial home to avoid excessive conflict and pursue your dreams. Lowering desires that qualifies as your need would equal settling, which would in time lead to regret after marriage.

In all, take your time to seriously consider and categorize your needs and wants as a single woman lest a man you shouldn’t have married for any reason comes and sweeps you off your feet only for you to wake up a week after wedding to realize you have made the greatest mistake of your life.

 Till I come your way next week Wednesday, I remain your blog host, friend, life's student and sharer. Do enjoy the remaining days of the week, most especially your weekend. Much love.

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