Is There Anything Such As Bad Sex?

We live in an age of comparison- an age where nothing is good till compared. This act to an extent follows us into our matrimonial beds [especially with spouses with prior sexual experience(s)].

Since sex naturally is meant to be enjoyed as intended by its Creator, why then does it feels bad, and even awkward(!) some (or majority) of the time (as the case may be)? Well, to start with, based on the title of this article, let me ask us all a question- do we believe there’s anything such as bad sex? Yes? No? As shocking as it can be, my answer is no.

Why is sex considered to be bad in the first place? A popular reason would be because the sex had does not conform to what we would have felt or accepted in our body to be good. But then, in order to go a bit further into giving reasons why I feel there are no bad sex, it will be good to ask the question- what is good (or great sex as the case maybe) in the first place.

If we have a group of people gathered, and we ask them what great sex is, the answer would most definitely be different. In other words, our sexual needs are as distinct as our individual faces, or better still- our finger prints (which varies from person to person). So when it comes to matters of sex, what is good for one may not be good for the other.

Still talking about good/bad sex, the fact that we come into marriage with prior sexual experience most of the time does not seem to help (talking about people with prior sexual experience before marriage). We come into our marriage expecting ‘Chima’ to treat us as ‘Chinedu’ and ‘Dada’ to treat us as ‘Dauda’. And when the person we are with tends not to meet such criteria, we immediately snuff at them and term it to be bad sex. But then, how do you expect him to treat you as your ex if you do not tell him? Bearing in mind too that majority of the time, he is coming in with what he did with ‘Bisola’ and ‘Bisi’ and a whole lot of others, or worse still- what he watched in pornographic videos which is by far worse.

As a result, ‘bad sex’ happens because of lack of communication. Although the first time of having sex with your spouse can be permitted in some ways to be bad (owing to great differences in expectation and experience), but then subsequent ones do not have to be that way. Even for the first one, provided you and your spouse have an expressive intimacy, you can lovingly, and even playfully guide your spouse to your spots (and if it is your first time having sex- where you perceive would be your spot). Great sex is a result of great communication, and on the other hand, a sex termed as bad is as a result of poor communication. 

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