Two Things People Think Should Define A Woman

Two things people think should define a woman:

Marriage, and 

In this modern age – a great job

I’ve had a number of people call me up, most especially on my birthdays  and ask me questions that usually appear as landmarks and status checking questions- people I’d not seen in a long while, perhaps in decades. My last birthday, I had a couple of people call me up and were so interested in the two landmark questions, especially the first one. They ask questions like- are you married now, where do you work now? If your answer to either question is no, especially after a period of time considered long, they either mumble up some words that is assumed to be words of encouragement, or begin to lecture you on why you must get married as though you do not know all they were saying before. Some even have the effrontery to say ‘you know, women are like flowers, the earlier the better’ as though you do not know technically. Some could even go as far as suggesting pastors and churches to go to to obtain your deliverance, all which to an extent I’m not against- it’s their way of showing care. Or perhaps what goes around comes around. Could remember me telling one of my senior friends at the time sometimes in the year 2005 who was 27 according to hearsay to go to a famous church known for deliverance to go for deliverance. That was the stage I was and my candid advice to her hinged on the wings of love, so, I understand when people get concerned to the point of making funny looking suggestions.

Why am I writing all these? As a human, especially as a lady, you should know what defines you and what ultimately does not. Marriage despite being a good and great thing is one of the things in my opinion that does not define the totality of being a woman. I’m not saying this because I am not married yet, I’m saying it because there are many things to do with one’s life on earth and marriage is just a part of it. Do I want to get married?- yes, but not so it can define my womanhood, but so I can derive true and real pleasure from having a co-human being as my unfailing partner as it were in my journey through life which I count as a huge privilege (the privilege of having to share in another person’s life and journey and them having to share faithfully in yours too). 

In essence, not being at a place 'people' consider as a landmark for success or 'true living' despite it being a while graduating from school (or perhaps leaving a place seen as a landmark) is never a reason to go about with your head bowed or to feel less than a human (woman) in any way. How about the lives you touch on a daily basis? The lives that are better because you are in them, and the likes. How about the effective use of your talent for humanity in a way that is needful and fulfilling? And the baby steps you are taking towards achieving your dream(s)? All these are worth celebrating and being happy about no matter what people try to throw at your face to bring you down. In life, especially as women, we have to learn to control the things we can control, and dexterously walk in the gracefulness of that which we can’t control but is left to nature as it were, things such as marriage- the day you would get married and who the man would be to an extent…..

Live, learn, laugh and be happy through it all, especially because you are a woman and throw away every box- tiny or big that the world tries to fix or define you in. Till I come your way again (and of course beyond), have fun all the way and never stop celebrating yourself for all that has been done through you so far. 
Hearty hugs and love.

Photo Credit: Google Image

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