My Recent Experience Online

Wouldn’t it be just fine to write a brilliant article that won’t be all in your face as the writer? That’s sometimes what I wish I can write but for the values we share intimately on the blog: values such as openness, love, and honesty. So today, like always, I would be ‘speaking’ to myself, even as I try to ‘speak’ to us all.

Recently, I was going through some hurdles, as well as trying to make a major decision. I tried reading and asking people that have gone ahead some questions, which to some extent, helped me form a clearer opinion about the matter. But then, one thing kept reverberating- my mind kept going back to a particular story I read online more than a year ago. Then lo and behold, reading the article again, I felt so much peace and it did seem as though a burden was rolled off me, in addition to the conviction I got afterwards. This experience opened me up to the power of stories, especially such that exists in telling our own stories.

Being Nigerians (and as well Africans), I know sharing personal stories (especially that of our struggle) is not something that comes to us easily. But then, at this point, especially this age where the younger ones are growing with little help and guidance as it were, telling our stories the way they are could help. As parents, telling our kids life-truth about us would go a long way, and not just stories of “when I was your age, I used to be the first in the class” that puts nothing but pressure on the child. Most likely, the owner of the story I read would have no idea how much her story has helped me, especially how through its practicality, it has served as a form of guidance.

This no doubt is an issue I naturally wouldn’t have loved to bring up, because it spanks me as the author. I am more of a private person and I hate putting myself out there as it were. But then, this experience to an extent has given me a different perspective to life. We all are sojourners on this earth and no one person knows the entirety of the way. As a result, it would be good to learn from each other, especially from people who have gone ahead with proven track record. No doubt there are times we would be led outside of people’s experience, there are also times, like the one I just experienced, that we would be led by the experiences of our predecessors in life.

This is not to say we should put all of our lives out there. It is just to encourage us to put the bits out as we are led, especially the stories of our struggles and how we overcame. For all we know, the exact way we went about getting our deliverance might be someone else’ hope, encouragement and even deliverance in itself. 

Our stories can be shared through oral tellings, social media handles (so people can read and be inspired); as well as forms of interviews on radio, TV, magazines and prints. I guess the time has come for us all- both introverts and extroverts, to throw pieces of ourselves out there and hope it comes back to us as gratitude, for the lives that would be touched in the end (that sometimes we'll know nothing about).

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Between Movies And Real Life Happenings

Have you ever watched a movie without a conflict and loved it? Conflict in the sense that the hero of the movie had a straight journey and everything he/she was meant to achieve he/she achieved without any obstacle? If ever such movie exists, what would you do after watching it? (that’s even if the annoyance you feel allows you to watch it to the end, because you wonder- why make such a movie in the first place?).

Except for the advent of fantasy movies and science-fictions, movies majority of the time are similitude of the real life. Meaning- life was never meant to be easy. And in the face of all we go through that appears to make our journeys difficult and almost impossible, we must seek to conquer.

Basically, how do we conquer? By keeping our eyes on the end result, and holding on to all the faith we can muster; for it takes faith and firm believe (asides from factors such as hard work, diligence, smartness and all) to make it to the end of our journey and be victorious like the heroes/heroines we see in movies and fall in love with the idea of them.

At the end of our lives, if we do not give up, there would be people who would watch our lives like a movie and smile happily at the end of it, because they are happy we never gave up despite all. Our lives as well would serve as a means of hope to them, as well as give them the courage to face their lives and journeys head-on.  

No doubt, our best lives lies ahead of us, our toughest ones does too. As a result, winning becomes more of a choice than a destiny as it were. Our lives though already scripted, we'll have to choose, just like the actors, to fight our battles. Without the actors will and effort in the movie, the movie is nothing but a script; no life. Think about this.

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Perspective: Three Places To Invest In

As I sat down to write today’s piece, almost like never before, a word came into my heart with a bit of force- INVEST.

For the past few days, I’ve been thinking rather hard- first on how better to live my personal life, as well as impact my world; and secondly- how to enlarge my streams of income. Either way (impact or income), a major way to do this would be to invest, which is most likely one of the reasons the word- invest- resonated deeply with me.

Some hours ago without knowing what today’s topic would be, I’d jotted down a quote that came to my mind. It talked about investing in people as much as we invest in businesses. Because really, in the end, just like the book- Richest man in Babylon by George Clason admonishes: Humans are gold. What better way to invest than invest in gold?- a priceless one at that.

Oprah Winfrey and 'her girls' in South Africa. Source- Biography.com

Aside investing in people and actual businesses, I deem it fit for us to invest in ourselves as well. The sad (or perhaps happy) truth is that no matter how much we have invested in ourselves in times past, to move further in life, we would have to invest (in ourselves) again. When these moments come, one major question we might need to ask ourselves is- “what would it take me to get to the next level I want to get to?” Once we figure that out (sometimes on our own and other times with the help of our Maker- God), it is our job to invest such value that would get the job done into ourselves, just like an Engineer installs needful software into his computer per time for effectiveness sake.

Using Michelle Obama’s life as an example, we could see how her study of Law ‘landed’ her her passion (community building) in such capacity as her investment in herself (education) gave her; as well as how her investment in people (via courteousness, respect, warmth, believe in people etc) paid off during her husband’s campaign period and eventual time in office. The people she had met earlier in life without even knowing her husband would one day run for office became strong pillars for her husband’s campaign. The likes of Valerie Jarret, Susan Sher and then Melissa Winter and Katie McCormick Lelyveld in the later years; what if she had been rude to them one way or the other? Or in the case of Melissa and Katie, she had belittled them?

Without much ado in today’s piece, the charge to us all would be to take out time to invest in ourselves, as well as in people, even as we go about our daily jobs investing in businesses and opportunities as we see fit. For in the end, no one really knows tomorrow as to fully tell where each of these investments would land us. As a result, keep investing as you see fit, for sometimes- we never know.

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I Am Single And Lonely, What Can I Do?

Ipadeola happened to be a very brilliant lady. She was always on top of her class back when she was in school, always classy, respectful and deeply intellectual. She did always the right thing at the right time- a perfect kid any parent would ask for- a pride and a joy.

She happened to have a Christian background; as a result, everything she did was what was expected of a true Christian, including delaying sex for marriage despite being quite old in age. As a result of her moral standards and piety, she never dated a lot and the very few ones she ended up having didn’t end so great- because they were either always asking for sex, or too shallow in thoughts and ambition for her liking. She lived her life buried in books, Bible and her career- an online business she started 8years ago at age 25 and had grown to the point of her having not just a physical office, but a few staff working under her.

Things however took a brazen turn when she met Tunde. Tunde was every shade of awesome: caring, loving and highly lovable. He seemed like a perfect match; so much so that Ipadeola felt so divine meeting him. However, at the point they met, Ipadeola was close to depression, so much so that when they met, it was quite easy for Tunde to sweep her off her feet with his claim of love, care and (over the years learnt act of) affection.

One thing led to another, and on very fast lanes, they found themselves day in day out with their cloths off and always on the bed (or perhaps couch, kitchen, car- wherever it met them). Ipadeola broke her vows of keeping herself, but she was too happy to care, though occasionally when the sex happened, being someone who has always been so religious, she felt bouts of sadness and guilt, vowing never to have another moment again. But it’s only a matter of time before she comes running into Tunde, or Tunde on the other hand running to her.

Why did Ipadeola fall? One word- loneliness.

As a single person, especially an introverted one, one has to make sure one consciously mixes up and not end up being a recluse- first to avoid depression, and secondly- mistakes, especially those that we need not make because we know better. As a single person, don’t be too high up there to mix with people, and at the same time, a recluse.

Lest I forget, Ipadeola ended up becoming pregnant, and it was later discovered Tunde was happily married with two kids and his wife just happened to be in London for the short while she they were together. Her loneliness, Tunde’s warmth, care, constant affection and listening ears prior to the time they had sex blinded her and hurled her into naivety. Their initially rosy (undefined) relationship lasted for 2months. 

This is a charge to us all (myself inclusive)- single or married to watch what and who we entertain during our weak seasons, and also- to mix up, have friends so we don’t end up as recluse living in a dark world that just any light, especially an opaque light would attract. As a single person most especially- mix up, have friends, go for events, gatherings and not just conferences or places too formal and rigid. And when you go to places like that, make sure it’s to have fun and not necessarily to look for potential dates which can be a form of burden and make you not too free, for the fear of your ‘future spouse’ watching. Be free, and when it’s time to have fun, have fun from your soul, because it’s where the true liberation takes place. It is more than going out, it’s all about having all the fun when you go out.

Till I come your way next week Wednesday- I love you. #Hugs

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Life And Moments...

Was listening to Matthew West’s song- beautiful things we miss- and memories came to me and I started dancing, singing and feeling the song right from my soul. A lot of memories came to me, and just like someone close to me posted on her Instagram page yesterday, I realized more than ever that life is indeed made of moments. Sometimes we have them good, a few times, we have them bad, but it never changes a thing- life is the accumulation of all the moments we’ve had and will ever have.

A reflection of this made me remember an article I once wrote for Bella Naija. Re-reading the article made me want to share, especially for the new depth and insight I just gained from it. While life is made of moments, we must try our best to maximize it as much as we can, and for the moments that seems to fill us with regrets, let go of them as wholly as we can, so we can savour all life has to offer us, as well as live a meaningful and happy life. So, here goes the article- click here to read. Happy reading!

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Do You Do This? If Yes, What Is The Solution?

I have many things on my mind, but one thing seems to stand out. It’s one thing I’ve observed in my environment, especially amidst the super religious. Being a devoted person in a way, I can’t help but check if I’m not like I’ve observed of recent, because it is written- ‘remove the log in your own eyes before you remove the speck in your neighbour’s eyes’ (paraphrased).

Recently, I encountered a man in his 70s who is so religious and would sometimes go to great lengths to make everyone around him comfortable. He would preach to them, laugh with them and talk about life with them. Meanwhile, when the last door closes from the last visitor who leaves, he’s sunk into his usual mood- a depressed mood. For him, it comes as a feeling of loneliness and the thought of not having someone to share life with on a permanent basis- one who could be his wife, as well as a friend, especially for the fact that he’s been separated from his wife for over 10years.

He hid his feelings well from people, no one ever knew until something happened that brought out the feelings, and the next thing this old man did was burst into tears. Everyone was surprised. For this was the very man who would go above and beyond for people, trying his best to make people feel loved, and of course, talk about his religion for a long time, with a seeming solace in the act. Turned out he’s been contemplating a form of suicide behind close door. He’s been living in self-denial for so long, especially about the things he really wanted. His pride as a religious person and ego as someone respected by people had kept him from acknowledging, and eventually dealing with his feelings as warranted. 

If you would indulge me, I would say self-denial is a very bad and deadly habit; it can turn one into a corpse, even though alive. It makes growth impossible and makes reflection a hard one (if at all it leaves any room for it). Self-denial appears as though one is living above one’s feelings, but in the end, poses more harm to the soul than perceieved good. It is like sweeping dirt under the carpet: one day, the carpet would be full and there would be no more place to dump dirts again; meanwhile, the ones already piled up underneath already are causing some forms of damage and levels of ‘tripping’.

In all, it’s ok to handle our feelings. Feel the feelings and act anyway. Never deny the feelings as though they are not there. Once they show up, handle them. Sometimes, to deal with our feelings (especially if it would warrant us to make life-changing decisions), we would have to leave our emotions aside and face the realities staring at us (so our emotions would not tamper with our decision-making process).

If you happen to be a (very) religious person, always recognize that though you in some ways are a spirit being (as always told in church), you are also a physical being with every ounce of humanity; so, stop being super-human and kindly face your issues. Face your fears, needs, and desires. If at all you do not want to handle it with co-humans, at least, handle it with God. The fact that you are handling it at all (either with God or man) shows you are self-aware of the problem which really is a key factor (in getting better/having desired results).

In all, no matter who we are, what we think of ourselves or people think of us, let us never forget that we are humans, and that in the same way issues are part of life, it’s okay to deal with the issues that comes our way even if it is going to put us in a vulnerable position with ourselves. Come to think of it, if you are not open and vulnerable with yourself, with whom (else) would you be? So, feel the fear anyway, the shame if need be but handle your inner issues still.

Till I come your way next week Wednesday- Much love.

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Is Being Engaged A Strictly Exclusive Affair?

So, there was this lady eyeing this man. The man happened to be in a situation one would basically refer to as ‘blessed art thou amongst women’. He was about the only eligible male in a world of more than 10 ladies, who to an extent and for some reasons, were always around him. As a matter of fact, the ladies and the man all blended and there was not a case of someone trying to own him, until someone completely different came along. With the new lady came a significant difference. It turned out that for some reasons, she had her eyes on him. 

The first thing she did on joining the circle was to make sure she played and laughed with the man like everybody else. But then, at some points, with her, some things really seemed to go off. She began to lay claim to the guy in some form of ways, while acting all coy as though she never cared about him. She would jokingly fight anyone trying to call his name in a different way that suggested a different meaning, which in some ways threatened both her claim to the guy, and the ‘joy’ of having him some day.

Well, long story cut short, the lady played her game so well, and in the space of months, she ‘landed’ herself the guy. Like one assuming a new office, the first thing she did was to in some ways pursue those he was particularly close to, especially those the man had done things for in the past that suggested a possible likeness. The second thing she did, amidst many other things, was to isolate this man from the ‘reach’ of others, such that in places where the man and all the other ladies stayed to joke together, he was not found anymore. Slowly, he began to be seen in places that seemingly was unavoidable- church and of course his work area when stumbled upon. Things like joking together with others became a thing of the past. Well, it never took long for the ladies to pick the signals and in the long run and in some ways, ‘abandon’ the guy, since his new boo would have nothing to do with them…

Going with this scenario (which is a real-life scenario by the way), the question is - should dating or being engaged to a man cause you to make the man’s life generically exclusive? Should his life only be with you? And as a matter of fact- revolve only around you? 

To answer the question from my own perspective, I guess couples should still strive to have their individual lives even after marriage. Shielding/keeping your partner to yourself would never make him/her live his/her best life. There need to be singleness/individuality to a great extent in marriage, so each party don’t get so tired of themselves, and at that- irritated. Sadly, the couples above are no longer together, because nothing in the way they went about their relationship (especially the lady) signifies ‘healthy’. When you give air to your relationship (by giving your partner the space to be his/herself), you give life and freshness to the relationship. Otherwise, the relationship would become suffocative and great would be the stench of it when it dies, because to start with, it was never built on what can be seen to be a healthy foundation.

This been said, what do you think about the whole situation? Do you think being in a relationship/being engaged or actually being married to someone should mark the end of one’s freedom and level of interaction with people? 

Till we come each other’s way next week, let’s stay interactive and happy with our environment. Would be a pleasure to read our opinions in the comment session below. Much love.

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Birthdays And Reflections

It’s my birthday today and I seem to be full of many things. I am full of gratitude, lessons and reflections. One thing though that I am not full of, or even considering is- regret. Because I have come to a place in my life where I’ve learnt to forgive and pardon myself for every experience that should have led to a form of regret. This I do because there is indeed a limit to what one can do with negative emotions inside of one. 

So, what have I learnt in the course of the past year? I have learnt patience, and timing. I have learnt that nothing can be forced and things happen on their own accord. I have come to realize that moments in life are seeds in the ground, they grow out when their season comes. Just like a mango seed can be in the ground all along and not grow till its season comes, our joys too sometimes could lie in the ground in the form of a seed, waiting for our season to come so it can blossom and become visible for all to see. Life has taught me beyond words, that patience is a virtue. I have learnt to wait, especially for the great and mighty things promised, especially for the fact that I now know that great and lasting things often takes time.

Looking back now, I am happy with the woman I have become. I really have changed and this change is for the better. Looking back as well, I feel so happy knowing all that surrounds me is peace. I have no toxic relationship, nobody draining me as it were; all I see around is love, kindness, acceptance and graciousness. 

Being the woman I am today, I can say for sure that one of the greatest gift one can give to one self as a human being is peace- peace within yourself and all around you. With peace comes clarity, focus and the desire to move oneself to the highest level of humanity possible, especially such that lies within the capacity one’s being. This season for me is a season of reflection and gratitude. I am sure not where I used to be and for that, I am very grateful. 

This straight from the heart piece would not end without me saying THANK YOU to every reader of this blog. Thank you for your love, comment, even friendship over the years. I am grateful for the community we have built over time- a community of love, honour, respect for one another, learning and openness. 

As I go along this uncharted territory, I pray God guides me, leads me and upholds me as well. I pray the same for you my esteemed readers. Thank you for staying, and standing by me all year long last season. I believe this season would be big and better as already, I have a quite exciting news about the blog I’m trying to keep under wrap, but not for long, because in due time, that which is hidden shall be revealed. *smiles*. 

Thank you once more and God bless you.

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Finding Yourself After The Storm

One thing I know (at least through my readings and stories heard) is that when two countries (or village as it were) fights, one country after a while wins, but not until a lot of damage has been done to either of the lands. No war- great or small leaves a place the same. As a result of the aftermath, there would always be some forms of statues to raise back, monuments to rebuild, and of course, houses and shelters to provide, especially in a situation where the war was severe.

A look at today’s era, while it is true that to an extent (especially compared to the times of old), we fight no more physical battles as it were, one thing holds true- we fight still. However, these battles we fight do not consist of swords, spears and axes drawn or thrown in open spaces; it consists of our minds and our thoughts and the weapons we fight with as opposed to swords, spears and axes are- truth and diligence.

Why truth and diligence? Because majority of the time, these battles (though inside of us) are started with lies- the lies of our friends being better than us, the lie of us lagging behind even when we are not, and most especially, the lie of never being enough which sometimes forces us to do things we probably would not have done, just to prove (to ourselves most times), that we are enough. The degree to which we accept and process these lies as true often determines the severity or lightness of the battle.

Diligence on the other hand is needed to sit down with our thoughts and identify which is true or not. This is the part that requires us to be self-aware, as we can only fight these battles diligently with the truth we know about ourselves. These truths can be as little as knowing you are a girl, or as intimate as knowing you are never alone because your Creator promised never to leave you nor forsake you, as well as Him being a present help for you in troubled times.

Diligence as well will make us sit down and know substantial things about ourselves, so when the lies tumbles in, the truth we know about ourselves would thin them out. the question now is- how do we know these truths?

First is by knowing what your Creator says about you through the eternal manual He provided – the Bible, and the second would be by making reading good books an hobby; for it is not enough to understand the spiritual component of your being (which you would find in the bible), but also the emotional and physical aspect of your being as well, since man is a tripartite being consisting of the spirit, soul, and body. Knowing what your bible says would take care of your spiritual, being emotionally intelligent and aware would take care of your soul, and no doubt, having the knowledge of how to handle your body and take care of it would open you up to the physical.

As a result of all the knowing (via truth and diligence), finding ourselves and rebuilding our lives back (after the storm) as it should be would not only be easier (unlike if we had been clueless all along), but also worthwhile, especially in the case of battered self-esteem and shattered self-confidence.

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The Journey To Self-confidence

Life is a journey, so is our self-confidence. It is a process that kicks off the moment we recognize the difference between right and wrong; and also the moment we become aware enough to compare our lives with that of others. It is termed a process because of its progressive nature. As a result, for every new phase of our lives, we will need an increase in confidence.

Our inability to build up confidence per time results into low self-esteem; all because we insist on using the confidence of a previous phase to handle a brand new, and at that- higher phase. This in a way can be likened to a teenager insisting on sleeping on his cot, despite his grown age. To dig deeper into self-confidence as a journey rather than just a phase in our lives or something we possess once and for all, it will be good to start with knowing what self-confidence is.

Self-confidence refers to the way we view or see ourselves. It is what we see to be the reflection of us when we look or think about ourselves: It is our inner self reflected back to our outer self. It is something we must learn and adapt to basically on our own.

In as much as factors and people may sometimes contribute to it, the bulk of the work lies on us. That is why it is called self-confidence and not people-confidence. It has to come from a place on the inside. 

If self-confidence is our basic duty to carry out, how then do we generate it?

1.       Spending time with God

How beautiful is it when the maker of a thing tells the product about itself? Wonderful, isn't it? Who else can tell it better than the maker itself; the one who foresaw it, saw how good it would be and decided to create it based on the goodness formed in his heart?

The strongest form of confidence is the one we gain from the Lord- either through His Word spoken to us or the one written to us. Spending time with God as a Christian is necessary for a healthy self-worth and a great inner strength. 

Spending time with God is like an exchange.  God gives us more of Himself even as He takes away (through processes) our inadequacies. The more time we spend with God, the more we get to know and discover ourselves. God exposes who we are to us (both who we are at the moment, and versions of who we were originally created to be) when we spend time in His Presence. Spending time with Him aligns us to His intent for us upon creation.

A look at the life of David, spending time with God gave him the inner strength to defeat all that needed to be defeated in his lifetime. It gave him the strength to kill bears and lions with his bare hands, and also imparted in him the knowledge to slay a man like Goliath who was not only higher than him in height, but also in battlefield experiences. Come to think of it, David was only a little boy when he defeated Goliath, how did He come about such confidence and boldness even as a little child? It was sure through spending time with God and God revealing who He really is to him on the inside, a factor that reflected not only in the way he saw himself but also the way he saw situations and related to people. His brothers, even the king at the time- Saul tried to dissuade him, but because of what He knew about God and himself, he knew he was well able and it was never about his stature or age. Self-confidence gained through spending time with God will make us defeat giants within and without.

Our self-confidence is never about what people think of us, but what we think of ourselves and the eyes through which we see ourselves. When we see ourselves through God’s eyes, we see ourselves right.

2.       Spending time with ourselves

Spending time with ourselves enables us to know ourselves in possible details and the areas in which we need help/change. It helps us pay utmost attention to ourselves.  Spending time with ourselves places the focus on us for better reasons; we are able to decipher who we really are away from the crowd.

When we spend time alone, we gain insights into the opinions we have of ourselves; such opinions we can easily divide into good or bad and therefore decide the ones which stays and the ones which goes. 

Quite a number of people know nothing about themselves, and so, talk cheaply about themselves because they’ve not taken enough time to think about themselves and mirror who they truly are. They simply absorb other people’s opinions (both negative and positive) about them without internally challenging them to see if that is really who they are.

Spending time with ourselves is simply paying attention to ourselves, especially our inner yearnings, opinions, desires and needs per time. It enables us to be sensitive to ourselves and our needs. 

Spending time with ourselves also makes us know what soothes us and what doesn’t. It makes us fight our battles in our own skin and not someone else'. This can be seen in the life of David when Saul- the king offered him his armor. David was able to reject the armor because he knew himself duly and what he could work in.

In the end, knowing ourselves will save us from a lot of pain, shame and abuse.

3.       Cultivating a reading culture

Reading opens us up and adds wisdom to us provided the right books are read.  It widens our views about life. Reading makes us grow in areas we should grow and as a result, prevents us from making mistakes that would have been made. With reading, we really don't have to get to our old age before we begin to ooze out wisdom and act based on it.

Reading is a seed sown that grows up as a giant tree- a tree of wisdom. It literarily places a ladder at our feet; making us see wider and better. It gives us a better view of life- a much wider view and it sharpens our knowledge of good and bad. It also helps us to efficiently separate needs from wants without comparing our lives to others to determine what is needful.

Reading takes us through time and brings us wisdom. It deposits into our present the wisdom we would have gained in our old age through experience. It gives us an edge of time and the opportunity to maximize it. Besides, knowledge is the vehicle through which we travel through time to gain wisdom. Reading great books provides such experience.

4.       Developing our skills. 

There’s such confidence that comes out of knowing one’s value. When we know who we are and what we as individuals can offer, we will not be easily threatened (if at all we will be) by other people- especially their successes. The better we get at our skill, the more confident we become. Honing our skills and using them right contributes to our self-worth in the long run. 

Conclusively, to see ourselves right, we have to be committed to the life we live. We have to be intentional to live our lives the way God intended and expects. We don’t have to be perfect to live in confidence, we only have to be receptive to God’s Word and committed to spending time with Him; and also pay attention to ourselves (especially our innermost self), and cultivate a learning culture such that will give us needed wisdom per time and help hone our skills to such level where only the best version of ourselves stares at us in front of the mirror per time. We also have to know that self-confidence is a continuous journey, never a phase. Just like our apps and gadgets, we have to keep updating it per time lest it goes out of ‘fashion’ and we find ourselves lacking in confidence once again. Different level of confidence is needed for different phases, and as a matter of fact, the higher the phase, the higher the confidence needed and required. So, it’ll be helpful to see ourselves as a constant work in progress and be willing to do all we can to become a finished work. 

P.S: Only death makes us a finished work, so, till we die, we keep striving to keep ourselves upgraded!

Referenced Story (David and Goliath): The book of 1 Samuel Chapter 17

This article first appeared in-  tamaramccarthyenterprises.com

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The Essence Of Trust In Our Relationships

What if I tell you I am pregnant? All things being equal, would you believe it? I’m guessing the responses I would get would be- congratulations, thank God, and the likes. If really I’m pregnant, why would you believe me? Most likely because I’ve not said something like that before, and most especially, because of the integrity of this blog.

On the contrary, what if I keep saying, I am pregnant, and the next minute, I tell you ‘I’m joking’, how would you feel when at another time I tell you I am pregnant? You wouldn’t believe me right? Because you know like old times, I’ll most likely come up and say I’m joking again. This is almost exactly how trust functions. Its value decreases if over and over it’s been found wanting by people concerned.

Trust I’ll say is synonymous to integrity. It is doing what you say you would when/how you said you would do it. Trust is a keeper of bond, and the lack of it?- a breaker of bond. It can either make or mar a relationship. The level of trust people have for you in certain areas of life determines how far you would go with them/ they will go with you in those areas. If as said, punctuality is the soul of business, then trust would be the spirit/life businesses thrive on. Without trust, it will only be a matter of time before a business/relationship packs up. So, if trust is as important to the point of it being the life of business (just as the life of the flesh is in the blood), how then do we build trust?

The first on the list (if ever there is a list) I would say is being self-aware. Literally everything in life starts with being self-aware. It is the act of living consciously/intentionally, in such a way that everything being done is authentic, and never out of a fake spur. It is the act of pondering and weighing literally everything we say or do, thereby allowing our yes to be yes, and our no no. Authentic living inspires a life of trust any day any time. How do we become self-aware? By making sure literally everything that happens on our inside passes through our consciousness.  This we can do through journaling, or spending appreciable time with ourselves to progressively detangle the issues inside of us.

Another way we can gain trust is through knowledge. Having a knowledge of our environment, and to a large extent, what is expected of us. We also can gain trust by asking questions. Asking questions would ensure everything expected of us is understood, and as a result, make us be on the same page with the people we are working with/for.

No doubt there are a thousand and one ways of gaining/building trust (over time), we will stop here today because of time. As always, it would be a pleasure to have your views and opinion in the comment session below, so do not forget to drop your comment/view so we can learn from each other other ways of gaining/building trust beyond ways mentioned here. 

Till we meet again next week Wednesday (the blog being a weekly/Wednesday blog), do have a great day and keep building your influence and trust. Much love brothers and sisters.

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Email:        soulwriteralways@gmail.com