‘How Old Are You?’- Let’s Talk About The Age Question

Welcome to another episode on the blog. I’m excited to bring you this episode, as well as hear back from you through comments and perhaps email. The matter to be discussed is one thing I struggle with, but I know at the same time is no big deal due to the knowledge I’m about to share with you.

To start with, I would love to ask a few questions-

What does being on the earth mean?

How do human beings get on the earth?

Where do we go from here (the earth)?

What keeps us here?

This is like a class and we all would participate in answering all these questions. We’ll answer the individual ones (in our hearts), and the general ones are the ones we would discuss on the blog. Disclaimer- the answers would not come in the order which they were asked, and also- we are likely to be using the word ‘simply’ in multiple ways because for real, everything we would be discussing would be simple; so loosen up and judge not. (*smiles*).

So, to get to one of the questions- how do human beings get on the earth? Simply put- through birth. How do we go?- simply put again- through death. So, if we humans come and go by birth and death, who really are we, and what is our presence/appearance for? Besides, what is the earth and why are we in it?

I would start with the later question- what really is the earth? Simply put, I would say the earth is a time and space made for things that can be seen (such as humans), and enclosed by time. To every thing made to appear in this realm (the earth) is a time/life span given. The fact that everything on earth do not have the same lifespan do not mean they have no life span at all. All features no matter how gigantic, beautiful and ‘immortal’ they appear that dwells on this earth have their timeline in the earth. Those who do not ‘die’ before the earth fades would fade with the earth when the time comes for the earth itself to stop existing, which brings us to say that- even the earth itself, has its timeline/ lifespan.

So, if humans appear on the earth for a specific period of time before going again, vanishing like a snake crawling into the bush and can leave behind a mark behind depending on the path passed, how does age come in? Well, age is simply an indicator of how long we’ve been passing through/dwelling on the earth for (since in the end, we all are sojourners made to pass through the earth at different times and interval). Our ages are needed to number our days, so when exactly the time comes to exit the earth, there would be clear records with regards to number, about our existence. I guess this amounts to one of the reasons people we regard as seniors (old people) reveal their age with pride, to take glory/show how long they’ve been on the earth for, and probably how much experience and wisdom they have gained through their walk so far. It perhaps could amount to the same reason people coming up find it a bit hard to disclose their age, because compared to those they met on the earth (the seniors including those with significant years ahead), they have probably gained/achieved nothing yet, which on its own could appear intimidating especially when compared to the people they got to the earth almost at the same time (please click this article to read about comparison).

To know/say one’s age is to establish how long we individually have been on the earth for, knowing fully well that we all are (mortal) travelers passing through the earth to reach an immortal destination. In essence, age is like a metric system that makes records possible, as well as a factor that makes us apply our hearts to wisdom- young and old alike. In as much as I still might struggle with the age question a bit (perhaps out of culture or some other reasons), permit me to tell you that age is just a number (as we already know and all say) and shouldn’t be a big deal to say. So, when next someone asks you your age, he/she is just asking- ‘how long have you being on the earth for?’ and perhaps some mischievous ones, just like that of a countdown, may ask to have a rough estimate of how much more time you might still have left. Either way, age is just a metric system and should sometimes not be taken seriously, especially as serious as Africans (especially Nigerians?) take it. Don’t ask me yet though…lol, I’m still working on neutralizing the secret culture had told us it has to be, but then, like we both know now, it’s not a big deal, so let’s all try to adjust our minds towards the question and receive it with joy or little seriousness over time.  

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Life’s Reality Versus Childhood Fantasy

Growing up, no doubt we had a view of how we wanted our lives to run. Some of us wanted to be doctors, lawyers, accountants, pilots and a few other popular professions. I’m sure none, or very few of us growing up wanted to be fashion designers, barbers, story tellers and the likes. We all wanted the life we saw modelled before us- the doctors, accountants, lawyers etc. But then, in a world like this where almost nothing is certain, we have watched things change before our very eyes. The very careers people frowned at and saw as ‘illiterate’ jobs are now the very ones we all- educated and otherwise run towards. 

Quite funny I never really could remember any aspiration of mine as a child, but then because children back then were expected to write essays, asides telling inquisitive elderly people what they’d liked to be as an adult, I would have most likely said ‘a doctor’, given that my mum was at the time a practicing medical doctor. But then, perhaps my adult-life dream started as a teenager following a particular encounter. The encounter coincided with the time I discovered my writing dream, hence the very big and weighty future I painted for myself with really close dates attached to them.

Am I any of those dreams now? Maybe a little, say 1%, but then one thing adulthood has taught me is to take life one day at a time. It has taught me to have my dreams, have my goals, but never allow any of them to create unhealthy pressure points for me, nor deter me from the true life I could have lived if I allow myself to be flexible, the initial dreams notwithstanding. Knowing this is sure a true antidote for depression (especially such caused by comparison- both comparison of our ‘on paper’ life to our realities, as well as that of our lives with our friends).

Life I have come to discover has its own beauty which unfolds fully in the process of time, as long as we never allow hard work, diligence, and wisdom to thin out of us. For people who chose professions close to nothing they imagined as a child, adulthood must have taught them flexibility about life, which is really key in living a great life. We are now in the era people look inward to choose what they want to be, rather than outward as the case might be. We now have graduates who left their certificates behind and are now joyfully fashion designers, barbers, chefs, media personnel and the likes.

When it comes to our fantasies, adulthood and life’s realities, I have come to discover more than ever to allow our lives (under the watchful eyes of its Maker- God), to run its course. Clutching to our dreams just as we had it while we were young could be the beginning of our downfall in life (depending on what that dream is and the motivating factor).

Like I said in a radio interview I went for some few weeks back – let the rivers of your life flow unhindered. Do not try to tailor-fit your life into your own mold; instead, let go and watch God bring to life His plan for your life, in cooperation with your hard work, persistence, flexibility, courage and gleaned wisdom over time.

Life as an adult could be so uncertain and in some instances hard compared to our imagination of it as kids, but with absolute surrender to the will of God per time, patience and thirst to acquire and use needed wisdom, our lives would no doubt unfold beautifully, even more than we could have ever imagined. 

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The Elusive Attribute Of Success

Was recently speaking to a friend whom I’d not seen in a long while and in the course of our conversation, something hit me quite hard like never before- it hit me that we measure success differently, and the fact that human beings are insatiable.

In the course of our discussion which lasted for a while, I realized that the person for some reasons saw me as highly successful by literally all standards, which shocked me to the bone. For here was I doing all I can to be successful, and here was someone (who for some reasons I see as successful as well), seeing me as already successful(!). Now the question is- am I successful? Well, I’ll say I’ve not scratched the surface, but then am I grateful?- maybe I should be more grateful, especially going from the angle my friend came from which I never saw.

From the long talk we had, I realized that success to an extent could be an illusion we might keep chasing till we die. The more we achieve, the more we want to achieve. Years ago, success to me was having a foreign masters, but then years after having it, it means nothing close to success to me again; but then to someone else at this point in his/her life, it is immense success, just like it was to me years ago.

Am I saying that we should always rest on our laurels and as a result never strive to be/do better? No. What I’m saying is that for every goal we set that seems to consume us, we should be grateful for where we are coming from. Our hunger for more should not make us blind/turn us into ingrates by belittling everything praise worthy achieved so far. In as much as I understand the law of focus and forgetting the things that are behind, we should not be too focused to the point of becoming ungrateful for feats achieved in time past. Instead, we should allow our future goals stem from the gratitude of things achieved so far. Such way, we can keep our fire burning healthily, and even keep at bay emotions such as depression and other negative emotions that tends to show up when pursuing greater things. 

The truth is- this is life and beyond all the levels of success we all appear to have, we all have things we go through that sometimes make our (seeming) success feel like nothing, but in everything and through it all, we must remain grateful, as well as refuse to compare ourselves in unworthy manners with others. We also should bear in mind that success is relative and only our Maker (sometimes through our conscience/inner witness) can truly measure how truly successful we are, and not necessarily accolades and the seeming look of ‘success’ in itself. On the journey to becoming who we desire to be, we should not only be grateful, but also enjoy every moment every step of the way lest we become ‘breathing miseries’.

 

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Let’s Talk About Depression

Being a child that grew up in the 80s, depression was not a term you come across readily. You come across words like ‘sad’, ‘unfriendly’, ‘keeps to herself’ and the likes, all sometimes fruits of depression- the (main) tree which we can’t see.

But then, in this age, having seen the tree that stood in front of us everyday but took us so long to see and acknowledge, it is easy to see the things we saw as ‘unusual’ back in the day as fruits growing on a sometimes giant tree- depression. We see now that the things such as ‘sadness’, ‘unfriendly’ ‘keeps to herself’ and the likes are (sometimes) only fruits (unpleasant though,) growing on such trees.

Have I as a child gotten depressed before? Perhaps no. I was a child that took everything in without really even knowing what was happening. I was also a very busy child, attending religious clubs, summer camps and the likes. But then, growing up, I had my first real depression. It was in the year 2006 if I could remember correctly. The same year I lost a chunk of my body weight and wouldn’t gain them back even after trying years upon years to have it back. What happened that year?

I was simply involved in so much work/activities. In addition to being a student, I was an exco of some sorts and before I knew what was happening, my life got so busy without me having a hint of it. The fact that I was (and still) a writer saw me using my nights most of the time to go through Encarta encyclopedia, reading as though the day will never break. In essence, during the day as it were, I was so busy, as well as during the night. Before I knew what was happening, I had no life again literally. My life was slipping out of me and I did not realize. I would sleep late, wake up quite early, and atop all that, refuse to eat because I had no appetite. There’s been time I’d gotten home, summoned all the strength in my tired body to cook up a meal and the smell of the burning of the food ended up waking me up. And I end up hungry still, and now very tired.

To make matters worse, I had no heart to heart friend as it were, so all I did was live a lonely life, in addition to my already stressed up life. Well, it took no real time for me to slide deeply into depression. I lost myself and the meaning of life. Funny enough, in the midst of all that, I still did my normal daily routine, till the time I just couldn’t take it anymore and my body broke down completely. I had to rush myself home.

One thing that healed me and nursed me through that period was love. Not medicine, not drug. The love of having people that cared around- my siblings and especially my mum. The way she fed me out of depression without her (or me at time) knowing, like only a mother could feed.

Looking back now, I can say love is about the medicine of all medicines. We make whole and alive because of the power of love. Love is such a force that can keep a dying person alive on the hospital bed against all odds, it is the force that most times makes cancer patient outlive their doctor’s report. It could be the love of a child, a spouse, or simply someone you know cares so much and you would not want to make sad. Love indeed beyond time, heals all pain and gives the resolve to outlive all forms of ills life throws at us.

The question is- who are you loving so much such that he/she wouldn’t want to die? Besides, you never can tell the amount of love contained in a hearty smile- especially the emotional therapeutic power that lies in it, even that of a stranger. As a result, in as much as we can’t love everybody on a one-to-one basis, we can always make a space in our heart to send out our love through our smiles. A smile like nothing you know heals and binds, especially in our moments of despair, as well as simple acts of care.

Give a stranger a hearty smile this week and watch the joy, hope and sometimes pleasant surprise that springs up. We never know what the person next to us is going through and what our hearty and sincere smile could do. Love is life, just like genuine care is.

Till I come your way next week Wednesday, keep giving out hearty smiles, and keep caring genuinely for people; you never can tell the number of souls your acts would have mended by the end of the week. Have fun spreading the light and warmth.

Much love.

P.S- Happy Mothers' day in advance (for loved ones in the US). Only God knows the number of depressions mothers through love and care have banished! Thank you mums for all you do-you rock!

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Marriage And The Decisions We Make

The stories I hear these days regarding marriage quite calls for concern, and in some ways- pity. I recently heard of a woman in her forties who just gave birth- not because she was ‘infertile’ as it were, but because life happened to her in the area of marriage. How do I mean?

I’d seen this woman carry a little baby in her hands, and having thought she had initially given birth to all her babies, I was a bit ‘startled’. Not until someone close told me her story. She had been married before, but then, just a few months after her initial wedding, her husband disappeared with no one knowing his whereabouts. No one knew if he was dead, alive, remarried, or anything; he just disappeared and have not been seen ever since, which from then till now has been quite a number of years. However, of recent, the woman remarried and gave birth to a child- her first child.

On hearing her story, I was so happy for her because to an extent, she held a miracle in her hands, especially considering that she was a bit advanced in age. Immediately, I looked back at the picture of her I saw when she passed by and I immediately could feel her joy, gratitude and happiness of being a mother. Though walking on the road when I saw her, she had carried the child so dear to her, and on her face, especially with my curiosity of the child in her hands being satisfied, I could feel the joy that must have formed in her soul when first, she got to know she was pregnant, and that no doubt that settled in her heart when she gave birth and for the first time held her baby in her hands. How about the happiness of finding a worthy mate after all the while of uncertainty, pain, doubt, endless waiting, and perhaps loneliness?

Also of recent is the story I read right on facebook- how the guy just got married- full of life and all, and barely a month afterwards, he died and left his poor new wife a widow.

All these and perhaps many more makes me wonder how we take the ‘no’ God gives us in the place of prayer when we seek His face on particular issues (especially issues we’ve formed great opinions of), and perhaps how inattentive we become to the nudges we feel inside of us concerning life issues, most especially such we cannot explain but feels not so good.

In as much as I realize this is life and things most of the time happen without a plan or form of control, I wonder if there are things we know but we still go ahead with because we do not fully understand the signs we know for sure are stop signs and reverberate deeply in our souls. What if the woman who got married and her husband left the house months after had a ‘stop’ sign prior to wedding? And perhaps the lady whose husband recently died had a little inclination to hold back a bit on the marriage but perhaps was too much in love and quite in a hurry to live happily ever after with the man she loves so much who until his death had such great personality and character too great for a ‘stop/hold on’ symbol? 

I’m merely talking in terms of marriage, but how about seemingly lucrative business deals that turns out bad? Friendships, networks that end in a dark, slippery and lonely road etc, that we embark on without adequate thoughts and listening? 

The world no doubt is getting crazier, things are happening faster than we can think or reason, we need to take our time to prayerfully make vital decisions in our lives, especially such that shows signals we do not fully understand despite the seeming greatness of the decision about to be made. More than ever, we need not only be (more) careful, but also, pray ceaselessly about all we do. Perilous times no doubt are here, and only God’s Grace and omniscient Wisdom can indeed bring us through. Proverbs 3:5-8.

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The Danger In Desiring Exactly What Your Friend Has

A man I regard once talked about having a healthy form of jealousy- a jealousy in which we see what someone is doing that we like, and instead of reacting with a negative emotion to the phenomenon, we allow the act to stir us as wholly and positively as possible into doing the same thing as well.  

In as much as I agree with his philosophy based on some religious grounds, I feel that in trying to have what our friend/people around us have, to an extent, we have to be willing to open our eyes into what it might entail. What do I mean?

Let’s say someone named Tola just opened her shop and you indeed love the idea that she has a shop because it’s been a part of your dream/desire all along, you have to be careful how you pursue yours so while in the process of pursuit, you do not fall into wrong hands and act.

In other words, never be so consumed to succeed like your friend to the extent that you close your eyes to possible areas of error while in pursuit. The fact that you see your friend do it so easily and effortlessly does not mean it is that way, for the things which in most cases serve as the basis of a thing are often unseen. You never see the foundation of a well-built mansion, but the fact that you can’t see does not mean it does not exist.

As ladies, we have to be very careful the things we desire of our friends. Don’t get me wrong, like the man I started with said, it’s never a bad thing to see what our friends/people around us are doing and get encouraged to do either exactly the same, or greater; but we must never go into the pursuit of such thing with a blind eye. We must open our eyes with wisdom to see hidden errors that can happen along the line; especially such that could shock us that we never envisaged.

In essence and conclusively, always go into things (especially things you know nothing of its foundation) with an open mind to learn, and an open eye to see, not necessarily based on the experience of your friend you know nothing about its foundation. For all there is, the foundation of that thing you so desire might be laid with some kind of stone that is costly to you, but permissible/usual for your friend without your own knowledge.

In other words, even though you are encouraged by the things your friend seems to be doing, you have to be able to open your eyes wide in pursuing the same thing she has that you desire, so you do not get carried away by the ‘flood’ in the terrain which you can’t see from afar, as opposed to just the seeming beauty of it (which is all you see). 

Much love. 

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Help Lord! I Need An Upgrade!!! (2)

Two weeks ago, we started a talk about upgrades and all. This week, we will have the concluding part.

Going by the previous article, our need to upgrade per time was made obvious. As a matter of fact, one of the reasons why we sometimes appear all crammed up and confused is because we have a lot on our mind/head- things we need to let go in preparation for a better and brighter version of ourselves that in some ways we are still holding on to.

To provide answers to the question we closed with in the previous part, one of the ways I would say makes effective upgrade/growth possible is self-awareness. This is because a self-aware individual is always in touch with his/herself and as a matter of fact, knows when to change/move from one level to another. Such individual knows how to upgrade either based on need, personal observation, external corrections, knowledge gained and applied and the likes, because he/she is constantly in touch with his/her being.

Asides self-awareness which in my opinion is vital, one other efficient way I would say makes upgrade possible is spending time in the Presence of the One who made us- God. Why? Because He made us and as a result, knows the areas where we are deficient and at that, needs upgrade per time. As our bona fide Maker, He knows exactly the buttons to touch and what to pull to make us have access to needed upgrades per time. 

God’s Presence with regards to our upgrade can be likened to the presence of Wi-Fi in our locations. For the software on our phones to get updated per time, it has to be close to an internet connection- say a Wi-Fi. Proximity to a Wi-Fi source makes the update possible, and most times when our software gets upgraded, our phones in most cases performs better. The same can be said of us. To grow as a human (a product made by God), we must stay close to Him per time. What happens when our phone becomes too full to accommodate an upgrade despite the availability of a Wi-Fi? Does the upgrade go through still? I’m afraid no.

To get ourselves automatically upgraded in the presence of our Maker, what are the things we must do? We must acknowledge Him by reading/spending adequate time with His Word- The Holy Book (which happens to be our operating manual as human beings), and also by soaking ourselves in an atmosphere of (Spirit and truth) worship, as well as daily communing with Him through the habit of prayer. When we do all these constantly, our souls gets updated (renewed) per time and becoming a better human becomes inevitable. 

When we get better per time in our being, we increase our capacity to love and to be loved. Our kindness level shoots up, and so does our compassion level. We grow by developing the fruits of the Spirit, against which the Bible says there is no law (see Galatians 5:22-23). Growth in the spirit in addition to constant learning and experience would sure not leave us in a redundant place.

In the process of us being upgraded as well, our struggles fall off. Issues such as anger, childishness, erratic behavior, malice and all becomes a thing of the past. Through the upgrade and the fall offs, we are made to serve the world better, especially our spouses and neighbours, knowing fully well that a healthy marriage/life is all about service- service to one another in love. In all, having an upgrade per time prevents us from being easily overwhelmed by circumstances, events and happenings.

Till I come your way again, I do hope you have a nice day even as we all grow in the love, knowledge and truth of God and our lives like Proverbs 4:18 begins to glow, and glow, unto the perfect day. *hugs*

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The Story Behind The Book- My Grandma’s Story, And The Lessons Learnt

You never know how much wealth you have until you are either in trouble or right in the midst of a notable achievement and the people around you stand up for you. I almost have never been overwhelmed all my life like this season I’m in. I’m awed by the support of loved ones and friends with regards to the above book just released. The support in diverse ways are overwhelming. I feel the love of family, the love of friends in every way, and now- the support of you my readers on the blog. As a result, I have decided to share the journey to the book to encourage us all in our journey through life and destiny.

I never knew I would write a book for children. Yes, I’ve been so concerned about the minds of children- what goes into their mind especially in an age like this where education, and to an extent moral, is gradually being replaced by entertainment and likeability as opposed to appropriate discipline and training. But then, some weeks ago, an opportunity came up and in the space of one month or perhaps less, ‘my grandma’s story’ was birthed.

The birth/release of this book has taught me quite a number of things about life, as well as reinforced some things I know. I have come to discover more than ever that flexibility is key in life. Like I said on the radio interview I went for yesterday (thanks to Melony show WFM 91.7, Lagos Nigeria), flexibility will make one succeed greatly in life. All I had in mind was a book for women which was almost ready for print, but then, somewhere along the line, the children book came up and through Grace and yieldedness, the book became a reality.

A chunk of the story (my grandma’s story) was written last year April- a period where I was fresh out of corporate employment. I never knew the story would translate into what it is today. I had written it for a different purpose, but as God would have it, a year after, a greater purpose was unveiled.

Based on the pressure and trial that produced the book, as strange as it sounds, I would like to admonish us all to give up our personal dreams and take on God’s own dream and vision for our lives. Like I was telling my friend after the show yesterday, I never knew I would be a children literature writer(!). I had plans that appeared far greater in mind, especially as a writer, but as God would have it, turns out His ways are higher than ours.

To someone reading (and myself as well over and over again), I would say be open and yielded to the things God has in store for you. Yes, I’m still struggling to accept the reality of this path I have found myself on, but I’m learning through Grace to lean back, work at it all I can and watch things unfold as God would have them. Life is never a straight line, it’s full of curves and bends that in the end lands us on unexpected but favourable ends like it sometimes happen in the game ‘snakes and ladder’, such that the ‘dice number’ we think has nothing for us ends up holding everything we need in the race to succeed. When we Surrender fully to His will, our true lives begin.

N.B: To get a copy of ‘My Grandma’s Story’ within Lagos Nigeria, kindly send a text to 08032320466 and details of how to get the book will be sent to you. Hardcover version of the book is available in Nigeria for a token of N2,000 with free delivery within Lagos. For readers outside Nigeria, the book is available on Amazon- in kindle and paperback form. Easter and children’s day is around the corner, would go a long way grabbing your copies for your children, nieces, nephews and other precious children around you. 

Much love.

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Help Lord! I Need An Upgrade!!!

Welcome to another episode of our learning and growing together.

Before I go into today’s topic, I must indeed appreciate everyone who shares articles posted on this forum, as well as comment either on the blog itself or on social media pages. It's such a huge pleasure to see the articles bless us all (myself inclusive), as well as see comments that further drives home the message contained in each article in different forms, such that benefits not only the reader, but also the writer as no one has the monopoly of knowledge. 

In today’s article, we are going to be exploring one likely reason why people do not easily associate freely with us.

Why the title of this article? It is because I have realized that over time, for a product to be effective through the ages, it must be updated per time. Give me an app or a product that has been in existence for so long without being updated and I will show you an app or product that is out of date. In essence, everything we use on earth sure needs an upgrade for it to be able to perform and meet the demand of the time for which it is expected to function in (especially without getting overwhelmed).

So my question is- if every app and product needs upgrade per time, how about human beings? Should we as human beings continue in our old known way and expect a ‘user friendly’ outcome? I guess no. Imagine if you had a cousin and the same way she’s been acting since she was 12 is still the same way she is acting now, how would it feel? Awkward right? I’m sure the revelation too would be a burden to her parents if it happens to be so. So, if it does not appear permissible for your cousin to be the same through the ages, do you think it would be permissible for you as well? If your answer is no, how then do we upgrade as human beings? 

One natural and unarguable way we upgrade is through age. Age makes some behaviours inappropriate for us, just like the cloths we wear at some times becomes inappropriate due to either age itself, or our growth rate (in other words- our height). In addition to age, I would say experience upgrades us too in some ways. It opens us up to the realities of the world we live in and then expand our minds to make room for such realities.

Aside age and experience, what else can be said to ‘update’ humans? Did I hear you say reading and learning? Yes you’re right- reading and learning. Reading makes us more aware and learning adds experience to us. We can also grow by observation. Observing people’s experiences and learning one or two things from it.

But then away from age, experience, reading, studying and general observation, what else can be said to grow us?

We’ll continue from here next week Wednesday. Much love peeps. *hugs*

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Two Things People Think Should Define A Woman

Two things people think should define a woman:

Marriage, and 

In this modern age – a great job

I’ve had a number of people call me up, most especially on my birthdays  and ask me questions that usually appear as landmarks and status checking questions- people I’d not seen in a long while, perhaps in decades. My last birthday, I had a couple of people call me up and were so interested in the two landmark questions, especially the first one. They ask questions like- are you married now, where do you work now? If your answer to either question is no, especially after a period of time considered long, they either mumble up some words that is assumed to be words of encouragement, or begin to lecture you on why you must get married as though you do not know all they were saying before. Some even have the effrontery to say ‘you know, women are like flowers, the earlier the better’ as though you do not know technically. Some could even go as far as suggesting pastors and churches to go to to obtain your deliverance, all which to an extent I’m not against- it’s their way of showing care. Or perhaps what goes around comes around. Could remember me telling one of my senior friends at the time sometimes in the year 2005 who was 27 according to hearsay to go to a famous church known for deliverance to go for deliverance. That was the stage I was and my candid advice to her hinged on the wings of love, so, I understand when people get concerned to the point of making funny looking suggestions.

Why am I writing all these? As a human, especially as a lady, you should know what defines you and what ultimately does not. Marriage despite being a good and great thing is one of the things in my opinion that does not define the totality of being a woman. I’m not saying this because I am not married yet, I’m saying it because there are many things to do with one’s life on earth and marriage is just a part of it. Do I want to get married?- yes, but not so it can define my womanhood, but so I can derive true and real pleasure from having a co-human being as my unfailing partner as it were in my journey through life which I count as a huge privilege (the privilege of having to share in another person’s life and journey and them having to share faithfully in yours too). 

In essence, not being at a place 'people' consider as a landmark for success or 'true living' despite it being a while graduating from school (or perhaps leaving a place seen as a landmark) is never a reason to go about with your head bowed or to feel less than a human (woman) in any way. How about the lives you touch on a daily basis? The lives that are better because you are in them, and the likes. How about the effective use of your talent for humanity in a way that is needful and fulfilling? And the baby steps you are taking towards achieving your dream(s)? All these are worth celebrating and being happy about no matter what people try to throw at your face to bring you down. In life, especially as women, we have to learn to control the things we can control, and dexterously walk in the gracefulness of that which we can’t control but is left to nature as it were, things such as marriage- the day you would get married and who the man would be to an extent…..

Live, learn, laugh and be happy through it all, especially because you are a woman and throw away every box- tiny or big that the world tries to fix or define you in. Till I come your way again (and of course beyond), have fun all the way and never stop celebrating yourself for all that has been done through you so far. 
Hearty hugs and love.

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One Way To Live Forever

Going by the title of this article, I wish I can start by saying scientists found one particular regimen that could make people live forever without seeing a bit of death, but no, this article isn’t about such inasmuch as I would have loved it to be.

So if scientists are yet to find such way and this article is about ‘one way to live forever’, what indeed is this one way? Before I answer the question, I would like to ask some (funny appearing) questions, so, here we go:

Martin Luther King, is he alive or dead? Nelson Mandela- alive or dead? Albert Einstein, Aristotle, Plato, Helen Keller, Marie Curie, Rosa Parks, Michael Jackson, Williams Shakespeare, Winston Churchill… all dead or alive? If your answer is as good as mine, then how come their name still gets mentioned as though they are still alive and they have gone nowhere beyond us? Why do people still talk about them, sometimes with happiness and motivation? Since life as we all know is transient, shouldn’t people just die and everything about them cease to exist?

Why are all these men/women dead, but still seem alive? Yeah, your guess is as good as mine- the works of their hands/what they spent their time doing while they were on earth, as well as the amount of time they invested into the things they believed in, such that they never quit and in the end- changed the world in some ways and made the world a better place.

As a result, one way to live forever is to through our existence in our own little way, make the world a better place. When you are useful to the world, both your generation and the ones after yours would never forget you, for the battles you fought as in the case of Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela, or sometimes for the invention you made, all which made the world a better place.

If life were a bed of rose, then there would be no need to fight in the first place, but because life as we all know is never a bed of rose, these men/women are celebrated as ‘gods’/exceptions, because they came, saw and conquered. Just like you and I, they had reasons to be depressed for a long time, reasons to quit after long trials, but they never did, because they saw victory ahead, and allowed the victory they saw be their constant hope even in the face of danger and seeming hopelessness.

If we must live forever-in people’s hearts and the world’s heart at large, we must seek to tread the path very few treads and as a result, live for a purpose greater than ourselves, either through kindness as in the case of Mother Theresa, Inventions as in the case of Wright brothers, or whatever means beneficial to the world and fulfilling to us.

A billion people and more come to the earth, very few are remembered in the end, and these few people in the end, live forever. The choice is yours, and mine as well- to follow the path laid in front of us, not because we want/seek to be remembered for the fun of it, but because in the end, the world seeing the uniqueness of what we have done (such that only us can do), would have no choice but to remember us, unconsciously immortalizing our names in the process. 

So if you want to live for long, and as a matter of fact- live forever, role up your sleeves and not only work, but be intentional about the things you do on earth while you still have the time.

Much love.

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Email: soulwriteralways@gmail.com