Valentine Celebration: Yay or Nay?

Many stories exists about how the valentine celebration came to be. Some stories are attributed to a priest (by name Valentine) imprisoned for marrying soldiers who were forbidden to marry, and in the course of his execution, wrote a letter to his beau(?) with an end which read- “your valentine”. The man was said to have been executed on the 14^th of February and it was perhaps in looking back at the mistake that was made in executing an innocent soul that the day became a sacred and declared day for the celebration of love as it were.

Another associates its origin to two forms of religious beliefs: The first religious origin is that of Lupercalia- a religious (fertility) ritual performed in ancient Rome somewhere between the 13^th and 15^th of February in which sacrifices using the blood of goats and dogs were made and men were made to pick a young woman’s name through the aid of ballot. Whoever the man picked for the day became his sexual partner till the next valentine. History later recounts that the orthodox churches in order to stop such amidst their members resolved to make the day a ‘day of purification of the blessed virgin Mary’, hence, the second religious belief the day is hinged on. The day based on the second religious story ended up becoming a day of showing love and care to loved ones, instead of the way it was done initially.

In countries such as Iran, Saudi Arabia, Valentine’s Day is frowned upon heavily, and any shop seen selling things associated with valentine (such as red roses and the likes) in excess during the valentine periods are usually penalized. This is because Valentine in these areas are viewed to be a religious (Christian) celebration and being a Muslim country, want nothing to do with it. In other countries, especially European countries, valentine (based on the premise of fertility) is seen to be associated with a saint that brings about the advent of spring. Places like Norfolk just like Halloween have decided to make a fun character out of it by knocking on the rear doors of houses and leaving sweets and presents for children.

Not that I’ve really celebrated valentine as it were in times past, but then for some reasons, I’m really beginning to wonder if it’s something I want to make a ‘forever’ part of me as it is, knowing fully well that for a functional relationship or perhaps friendship, any day can be valentine day as it were. But then, on the flip side is the fun part where just like we have Father’s day, Mother’s day and the likes, it’s not an out of step thing to have a day set aside for lovers or perhaps friends, to honour their love and affection for each other through the giving (or exchange as it were) of material gifts.

No doubt, some religious organizations choosing to identify with the immorality of the day based on the Lupercalia version have made moves to ban the celebration of the day based on their fact that it indeed makes people- especially young people- go wild and it is in essence a continuation of the ritual with which the day/season started with in the first place, other religious organizations in contrast have chosen to organize picnics, parties, picnics and the likes to commemorate the day.

So, here comes the question: Inasmuch as valentine’s day has come to stay, and for good, what do you as an individual think about it? A yay or a nay? Besides, which story would you rather go with? Comment below and let a discussion begin. Perhaps through your comment, many people with little enthusiasm for the day like me can pick up their enthusiasm and in earnest, join the billion and one people in the world to make the day the fun it is.

Till I come your way next week Wednesday, let’s all have a good week and happy Valentine’s Day in advance.

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Ladies: Rich Guy versus Poor Guy

Growing up, there used to be terms like 'Olorunsogo' and 'surulere' with regards to marriage, but then these days, I hardly hear the word 'surulere' again, but then can you blame the ladies? (For non-Yoruba readers, the term Olorunsogo is used in the light of a guy coming ready made with everything needed already had, while Surulere is used with regards to the step by step guy as it were- a man who approaches you but has literally nothing. Regarding Surulere, you choosing to wait is the 'suru'- the patience, that has 'ere'- reward; hence- Surulere, while for the Olorunsogo- it means God has made a glory, or if you would- God has provided a glory).

So these days, it is more of babes (ladies) choosing to thank God for the glory He has made already in their men, than choosing to wait step by step for a guy with nothing to have something; but then can you blame anyone? The argument is that- for a guy not made, you know nothing per se of his character, especially what he would do when he has money, but then the question to think about would be- who is this guy fundamentally? What are his believes and standards hinged on?- morals or God? A belief hinged on morals is bound to shift, but that hinged on God, especially on the premises of love, honour and reverence tends to last longer, and even if the man along the way fails, rather than stay in his mess, he is quick to adjust and run back to God- the reason why he's doing all he's doing in the first place.

The truth is that people change a lot- money or no money, as a result, one would have to look for factors beyond money to make one's decision, especially when it comes to the issue of marriage. In as much as I get the argument that a guy without money has his character not fully formed as it were (as majority of the time, it is said that money reveals character), I am also of the opinion of having patience as a virtue as sometimes, all that glitters is not gold, else, how would one know a man who made his wealth from rituals and other sources impure that literally can cause harm to the would-be partner?

In as much as I as the writer do not mind an Olorunsogo kind of man (because to be candid, money makes the world rounder as it were, and to be sincere, the presence of money reduces frictions in marriages/relationships), it would be good to switch on our inner eyes, as well as our intuition when it comes to the issue of marriage as majority of the time, money or no money, we usually know what's best for us through our intuition. As a matter of fact, to avoid marital mistakes through our choices, it will be wise to take our options to God- both for the Olorunsogo kind of guy, and the Surulere kind of guy (whose preference is now going low due to the many stories that has literally touched the heart, and the fact that eyes are getting opened now beyond the 'lovvy-lovvy' or 'mushy-mushy' kind of feelings. Realities are now being applied to feelings which I think is a welcome development on both sides- both Olorunsogo and Surulere). So- Olorunsogo or Surulere as it were- the choice is up to us provided we thoughtfully and prayerfully examine our options.

Before I go, I would love to say above all that it would be good for us ladies (especially in this age and time) to work (or keep working as the case may be) with our hands: so when the guy comes, we would be too comfortable to assess him solely based on his money. Bringing one's wealth to the table no matter how small makes one think deeper and from a stable place of confidence and truth. Having a stable source apart from the man's makes it possible not to be in a rush for a man to save us from a harsh and firm grip of poverty as it were. Besides, doing something worthwhile with our hands comes with its own respect, and as a result- it's own choice of options hinged on truth.

With our eyes on our goals, when the man comes, it won't be a matter of his wealth, but how much both parties (man and woman in this case) can do together to help each other succeed. In as much wealth is good, a marriage based on wealth might not last, unlike that based on the personalities of the people involved. Dr. Myles Munroe of blessed memory once said something very profound, he said "a marriage is as good as the quality of the people inside it"- so before you choose, be it Olorunsogo or Surulere- pause, think, pray, then choose.

Till I come your way next week Wednesday, I remain your blog host, friend, soul sister who bares it all out, co-human on earth, and much more. Do enjoy the rest of your week.

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Standards And Getting A Man

When a lady is single and quite advanced in age, without a second thought, almost everybody turns into an expert about her matter. They begin to tell her what to do and what not to do; everywhere she turns to without a ring on her finger, advise seems to pop up without solicitation and most of the time, the direct summary of most of the advice given is - ‘lower your standard’. The issue is not the advice per se because most of the time they are offered with good intentions; it is more of knowing what to do with the advice. Some are meant to be discarded, some considered, and perhaps a few treasured.

If on a glance at your life as a single person, you realize it’ll be good to follow people’s advice of lowering your standards to get a man, it’ll be helpful to know what to lower and what not to lower. To do this effectively, it might be quite helpful to ask yourself these questions:

·         What do I want in a man
·         What do I not want in a man
·         Who am I/who do I perceive myself to be?
·         What are my goals in life?
·         What is my vision in life?
·         What are my dreams?
·         What are my values and why? etc

To arrive at the first two questions, it will be good to have an answer to the later questions. Knowing who you are is key in determining what you want in a man; especially if you do not want your dream to die a natural death after marriage. To choose without these basic factors would likely be to choose a man based on feelings, emotions and perhaps physical appearances alone, meanwhile, it is the substance in a man that makes the man and not otherwise. This is because physical appearances in time would will fade, money sometimes could disappear, but the substance of a man, especially a man who is open to growth on a daily basis would remain.

A further step from the above would be to categorize your desires in a man. This you can do by separating your desires into wants and needs. Wants would be the characteristics you desire but can do without in some ways- they are more of the bonus factors after basic characteristics have been sorted out. Wants could vary from height, eye colour, weight, skin colour and the likes (depending on who you are and the things you desire). Needs on the other hand would refer to those things you cannot do without in a man. Examples of such could include - vision, staunch idea of purpose, understanding heart, listening ears, family orientation, modern approach to life- all depending on who you are and the things you strongly desire. Knowing these things would enable you to know what to touch or tweak a bit when reconsidering your standards as a single lady.

When appraising your standards as a lady looking forward to marriage and perhaps quite advanced in age, it will be good to start from those standards considered as wants. They are good places to start the elimination process. 

For everything you want in a man, it is good to know exactly why, or better still- have an idea of why you want them. It is also good to know why your needs are your needs. This is because it is easy to become quite emotional in the face of desperation especially if the container rather than the content appears so promising. Knowing what you want as well as the reasons why you want the things you want could actually act as a brake to slow you down so logical reasonings can be made. Intentionality is key in creating, maintaining or reviewing any standard made or to be made.

For the characteristics that are strong enough to qualify as needs, it will be helpful not to lower them. This is because they serve as the basis of what you want in a man, and the minimum a man must possess to have your hand in marriage. They are the factors that would lead to frustration if missing. For example, marrying a man with no vision as a woman of vision will in time frustrate you and make you either give up on your dream out of sheer helplessness and confusion, or move out of your matrimonial home to avoid excessive conflict and pursue your dreams. Lowering desires that qualifies as your need would equal settling, which would in time lead to regret after marriage.

In all, take your time to seriously consider and categorize your needs and wants as a single woman lest a man you shouldn’t have married for any reason comes and sweeps you off your feet only for you to wake up a week after wedding to realize you have made the greatest mistake of your life.

 Till I come your way next week Wednesday, I remain your blog host, friend, life's student and sharer. Do enjoy the remaining days of the week, most especially your weekend. Much love.

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Is There Anything Such as Bad Sex? (2)

Having sex as a married couple should be mutually fulfilling. The act of sex as couples should be the place where we express the most level of freedom bodily wise. Feel free, even in the act of sex to moanfully tell your spouse- “no baby”, and be free to guide him to the spot that would make you tickle. Shyness and fear are products of lack of intimacy, which in turn leads to lack of adequate communication, and as a result- Horrible, hurried and bad sex.

One other reason we (constantly) have bad sex is- (unnoticed) change. Just like our bodies change over the years, our desires as well changes. The way you liked sex when you married your spouse might not be the way you like it now. Not because of anything per se (except for illness and conditions), but just because of time, body changes and sometimes over familiarity. The body sometimes wants new tricks and treat. As a result, as married spouses, we must be aware of not just our mind change per time, but also our body change. We must pay adequate attention to ourselves in order to detect the ways in which our bodies have changed (over time) and how to respond to these changes such that would bring us to the level of past pleasures, and even much more.

Being the beginning of the year, it’ll be good to use this season to make the adjustments necessary (especially for couples who lives miles apart and majorly gets to see during periods like this- beginning of the year). Give your body exactly what it needs, and in the case you can’t really pinpoint, feel free to do various experiments with your spouse till you get to the moments where you scream and moan without a care. This season, let your spouse so hit the spot so much such that you forget about where you are (especially for ladies who tend to be so security conscious). Make your spouse call your name this season, and not his/her ex’s name (in their mind). Take charge and lead the way for your happiness if need be, and in as much as you take the charge for your own happiness, allow your spouse too take the lead for his/her own happiness as well, bearing in mind that a mutually satisfied couple tends towards being a happy couple.

Till I come your way next week Wednesday, keep showing your spouse the one million and one ways to hit the spot with you.

I remain your blog host, friend, student, thought sharer amidst many others. Do enjoy the rest of the week.

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Is There Anything Such As Bad Sex?

We live in an age of comparison- an age where nothing is good till compared. This act to an extent follows us into our matrimonial beds [especially with spouses with prior sexual experience(s)].

Since sex naturally is meant to be enjoyed as intended by its Creator, why then does it feels bad, and even awkward(!) some (or majority) of the time (as the case may be)? Well, to start with, based on the title of this article, let me ask us all a question- do we believe there’s anything such as bad sex? Yes? No? As shocking as it can be, my answer is no.

Why is sex considered to be bad in the first place? A popular reason would be because the sex had does not conform to what we would have felt or accepted in our body to be good. But then, in order to go a bit further into giving reasons why I feel there are no bad sex, it will be good to ask the question- what is good (or great sex as the case maybe) in the first place.

If we have a group of people gathered, and we ask them what great sex is, the answer would most definitely be different. In other words, our sexual needs are as distinct as our individual faces, or better still- our finger prints (which varies from person to person). So when it comes to matters of sex, what is good for one may not be good for the other.

Still talking about good/bad sex, the fact that we come into marriage with prior sexual experience most of the time does not seem to help (talking about people with prior sexual experience before marriage). We come into our marriage expecting ‘Chima’ to treat us as ‘Chinedu’ and ‘Dada’ to treat us as ‘Dauda’. And when the person we are with tends not to meet such criteria, we immediately snuff at them and term it to be bad sex. But then, how do you expect him to treat you as your ex if you do not tell him? Bearing in mind too that majority of the time, he is coming in with what he did with ‘Bisola’ and ‘Bisi’ and a whole lot of others, or worse still- what he watched in pornographic videos which is by far worse.

As a result, ‘bad sex’ happens because of lack of communication. Although the first time of having sex with your spouse can be permitted in some ways to be bad (owing to great differences in expectation and experience), but then subsequent ones do not have to be that way. Even for the first one, provided you and your spouse have an expressive intimacy, you can lovingly, and even playfully guide your spouse to your spots (and if it is your first time having sex- where you perceive would be your spot). Great sex is a result of great communication, and on the other hand, a sex termed as bad is as a result of poor communication. 

This article continues here

What's In A name?

I've had a number of people wonder about certain things, especially about the reality of such we would mention today. To do this, I would be using a couple of examples, both in the past and also in the present as given away by our theme picture- the one featuring Lady Gaga and the Queen of England. As a result, I would indulge you to take a ride with me (a pleasurable ride I promise), as I theoretically give a few preambles before introducing the topic as a scholar, and not as a religious person. So, here we go; let's all hop on the ride:

Sometimes ago, I read a book trying to understand how a particular truth came to be. With the Author's inability to understand the phenomenon, came the eagerness to dismiss the truth as a fallacy. This she did by dumbing down the truth- an easy way of escape for her most likely because she had tried so hard to figure it out on her own with no reasonable/progressive success. But then, one thing remains- the inability of us to see the wind as a physical and directly touchable entity does not discredit its existence; likewise the air we breathe in.

With the above opening picture, one thing comes to mind, what if Lady Gaga actually married into into the royal family? What could have happened? Many things I guess, but one major thing would be that she would have a new identity, her past not withstanding. With time, even though we try to criticize her based on her past, she would become a more respectable figure, instead of the controversial figure she has in some ways grown to be. Why? Because of her new name and status. Her past as a matter of fact becomes irrelevant. Her new status and name automatically gives her a new beginning- one respect worthy and more welcoming. Anywhere she goes as a result for an official assignment, she becomes taken serious and respected.

Why am I saying all these? It's because of the Name of Jesus, and the act of being born again. The fact that people can't explain how the death of one man can bring about and do so many things. But then, think this, back in the day, when a certain village in Africa for instance has an issue, and they consult an oracle, most of the time, they are usually told to sacrifice a human being, in most cases a virgin to bring about peace and stability in the village once again, and someway somehow, especially for the time being, after the sacrifice, everything on the instant seemingly becomes all good again, all due to the death/sacrifice of this single being.

In a similar (though more glorious way), the death of Jesus brings about a ransome for the whole world, for as many that believes in Him, and as a matter of fact, just like the idea of Lady Gaga marrying into a royal family, His Name which we now bear, gives us an exceedingly brand new start, devoid of all the things seen or termed as wrong we have done. We become brand new, acceptable and respected, and the things those who would not see us that way say, would not count, because for all that matters, we are all brand new, different from whoever did all the controversial things in the beginning; all because we (now) have a new name.

I just thought to share this phenomenon, to aid us both- Believers and non-Believers, and give us a better understanding of what happens when these things are mentioned. So perhaps, if you may, see this as a term paper expatiating things based on past theories and believes, as well as new and existing ones. Thank you for reading, and till In come your way again, remain blessed and enlightened. Much love.








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One Thing That Is Needful

I bet you have heard people say countless of time that ‘adulting’ is hard. It’s the period in which everything once free becomes priced; the period which you get to begin to appreciate the beauty of giving- especially such that your parents gave to you unconditionally: the education, care, self-denial on their part and all. But then, above the whole ‘adulting’ thing, one thing I have come to discover more than ever as the one thing that is needful, especially such that makes us find our balance as meaningful adults, as well as one essential crux to the successful adult we long to be is- Hard work.

Hard and focused work is the gap between where we are, and where we want to be. No doubt, some other factors such as integrity, diligence, and what have you comes to play, but there is nothing such as hard work. The more I grow in life, the more I realize the importance of it, and the fact that there is no substitute- big or small for it. Perhaps it’s one thing that makes being an adult hard because as a child, all we ever did was get and get without putting in the exact hard work required as it were.

A while back on Instagram, I saw an Instagram video showing Ayo Makun singing and rapping to some song of sorts. Back in the video, one could literally see his bones, especially his neck as it were all out, such that at the top of the video, it was written “this cannot be AY”, but then, fortunately or unfortunately, he was the one. What brought him to where he is now? Hard work- hard work in the right and focused direction.

Quite ironic to an extent is the fact that we unconsciously think that successful people just ‘appear’ from nowhere, without putting into consideration the fact they’ve been working and laboring literally all day long before the spotlight shined on them. We see the glamour, they see the work and sometimes the time it took. You never know how much hard work success requires until you are well on the path and you discover that it actually requires much more than you thought it would. Success/growing up requires our all: our will, determination, grits and all.

The right kind of hard work requires us identifying our core and giving our knowledgeable best and all to it. My charge to us all (myself inclusive) would be to sit down and count our cost so we would know the kind of hard work the course we are pursuing/want to pursue requires, even while leaving room for more as most times along the way, more hard work is usually needed.

In this new year- 2019, it will be great to literally bury everything we are doggedly into the course we believe in, so we can have a much more different result from our previous years. As well, it will be great to lose all our fears and put on our garment of courage, because in as much as hard work is needed, the need for courage will also pop up at some points in time; the courage to connect with the people we must connect with (no matter how far away they seem), as well as the courage to take the exact and bold steps needed along the way (as we bury ourselves into what we know and believe God would have us do per time in year 2019). To be all we should, we must be able to give all we can.

Before I go, being the first very (Wednesday) post, and the second day of the virgin year- I would like to wish us all a happy new year and a joyful and prosperous year ahead. Let’s all have fun unwrapping with hard work, patience, grits and courage, all the year has for us.

From me to you- a kind and warm Regards.

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2018- What A Year!

If this happened to be a journal and I am to write all the things that happened to me in 2018, I would sure have been needing tons and tons of pages. This because a whole lot happened, including some exciting news I hope to share with you in 2019 God willing (which already makes me all giddy just on the mere thought/mention of it!) and obviously some not too good things which through Grace I’ve converted to lessons and wisdom.

But then, in the midst of all the great stuffs that happened, including the lessons that I have (invariably) learnt, one thing seems to ring and ring in my head- a question that fills me with much depth and at such, consumes my very being, and the question is- what do I have left?

This question I guess keeps ringing a bell because of the turbulence at some point it seems my year became filled with. I faced a number of things that made me feel I had nothing left, and at that- had no hope whatsoever. 2018- especially the mid/later part, things got so intense with me emotionally that it took only God’s Grace and the help and love of people around me to keep me grounded on my feet (that’s why in life, you can’t do without a team of awesome people around you).

But then, standing here as though on a mountain and looking back (down) at 2018 from the angle of reminiscence (despite the few days remaining), I realized that every single thing that happened to me was for a purpose- they served as the cements and stones mixed with my gravel to produce a solid foundation for which my life’s destiny would be based on. And now, with one hand on my chest and the other one raised to God (for the Grace He endowed me with during the phase), I can boldly say I know much better, even though there are of course more things to learn (as this is life and we never stop learning either through the books, people’s lives or experience itself).

I can boldly stand on the mountain top with frantic breeze of victory blowing through me and look happily at what I have left with a resolve to do all I can with it, heartily forgetting such things I have lost. As a result- focus I would say is one thing I have to bring into 2019, not as a new year resolution, but as an all-time life realization. 2018 has taught me to release the bad and press into the good to create something spectacular that would pass for brand new. Hence me focusing on that which I have left and can use, instead of that I do not possess again and have lost.

Speaking of what I have left, God tops my list (believe me, if in the midst of all that is lost you have God left, trust me- you have everything), an active breath and sound mind, the willingness to work amidst many other things - which already is enough, even more than enough, to start/work with.

So my question to you as echoed all through this straight from the heart piece is- what do you have left? Whatever those things are (or that thing as the case may be is)- Give the praise to God and match valiantly into 2019 with it. Match in with your health, your breath, your great friends gained, your skills discovered (or remaining as the case may be), and much more. Walk in gallantly like a soldier who has fought many great wars and won and is returning home- and welcome the new year with such joy, hope and expectancy, especially such that puts both your remnant and resolve to work.

Much love and Happy New Year in advance.

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Making The World A Better Place (Sequel)

Continuing from where we stopped last week- talking about the world being in cycle and we needing ourselves in many ways not only to survive but to ensure the existence of great virtues by making what goes around come around so to say.  The world becoming the great place we imagine it to be is a function of us all expressing our gifts and talents in ways and mediums we know how best.  

The world would indeed be better if we seek not to consume alone, but also create, If we choose not to take alone, but also give; children in desert areas would have been taken care of through both acts of kindness and more efficient means of technology. Our love for comfort zones and perhaps excessive pleasure explains why not just us are the way we are, but also why the world is still the way it is and those precious kids are still where they are- somewhere in the helpless desert hurt and sickly. Some vaccines as well would have been discovered to combat some more diseases effectively, but alas, we all are caught up in the hustle and bustles of life as it were. Perhaps the one that is meant to have been the inventor of that the world needs so desperately is stuck somewhere in his comfort zone with an oil job, or perhaps that of a bank and is unwilling to follow his ordained path despite the daily nudgings of his heart and the willingness of his intuition to serve as a basic guide along the way.

The ‘risk’ we take to be who we should be not only affects us, but also those around us we know now or for some reasons do not know yet. One thing that strikes me about Mo Abudu’s story is her willingness to leave the familiar for the unfamiliar. She left an oil job(!), first to face her own HR company which is perhaps commendable, but then to go into the world of media which she has never been!- that my friend, is highly commendable. Who does that? I must have imagined what would have played in her head- the fear of being in a brand-new terrain, fear of starting from the scratch, fear of ‘what if I fail’ and the likes, but in some ways, her persistence paid off and now, we have someone from Africa taking Africa to the world and changing the sickly narrative foreign media tells about Africa. Not only that, we also have someone making African movies stand tall on the world’s shelf with admiration and bewilderment.

One way to find our place on the face of the earth is to pay attention to the things that hurts us as well as the things that it’s absence always makes us cry on the inside. Paying attention to ourselves and our state of mind per time can point us to our primary area of calling. That way, compassion instead of sole pleasure or hanging on to survival mode can rule and guide our decisions and we would find ourselves caring for people through the pursuits of our inventions and the services we have to give to the world. Besides, the ‘more’ we seek that sometimes makes us stay put in our comfort zone can always be found in following our dreams. Over time, being in the fullness of our dream would always find us living the life we desire. Yes, the beginning might be rough, but with the fullness of it comes the life we want, as well as the world the world would have desired through us. In essence, following through with our dream is a two-way street: it benefits us and the world at large.

Oprah Winfrey with some of the 'girls' she trains in her academy

The world being a whole big puzzle, God sends us down piece by piece, bit by bit such that as we do our part as sent, the world becomes a better place. If everyone sent to the world actually fulfills their quota, we all would be in a better place and space. The resultant effect of the world not being what it was created to be is not farfetched from the choices we make as individuals. This is because we all get to the earth and over time, something else takes our priority. Instead of being consumed in that that burns beautifully on the inside of us, we either seek hard after pleasure or compare ourselves to one another such that makes us lose the fervor of going after our own dreams and becoming that which we were meant to be. We procrastinate as well, putting till tomorrow what we know we can do today thinking we have all the time in the world. We also become so concerned with self-preservation such as what to wear, what to drink and what to eat such that chokes away our dream and the urge/persistence to fight for it.

Our lives as humans usually unfolded in phases, the fear of new beginnings per time makes us stay put in our old phases (our comfort zones), relishing the success it has brought over time, and that we still think it would bring. We are often time afraid to step out into the new because we do not know what to expect, as well an overall view of the eventual phase. As a result, we acquiesce to life all we can till finally we wake up and we are eighty and retiring. We fail to know that if certainty is all we live for, our lives will never have a meaning, because at some points in life, we have to jump. We have to jump with all hope of being caught and times when we seem not caught, we have to be willing to start from where we are. Starting all over could be intimidating and challenging, but if well planned and followed as laid down by our intuition, we would find ourselves sooner enough soaring with wings as with eagles.

Food for thought: How would the world be like when instead of drunken and abusive fathers, we have inventors, heartfelt engineers and the likes, and in the place of Aso Ebi and excessive fun seeking mothers, we have doctors, lawyers, media gurus and the likes? The world would indeed be a better place if we all fall into our place and stop floating in places we are not wanted or we shouldn’t even be in the first place- work places we go in tears and never out of love, friends we have that holds us back but we keep for status reasons, etc.

Our children as a matter of fact would be safer because there would be no child molester or serial rapist because everybody someway somehow would be busy contributing their quotas positively to the world instead of devising evil means to hurt other people. How lovely would the world be if everybody were focused on their lives as though we had exams the next day? Everyone would not only be busy doing what they were called to do, but also have little time for frivolities. Well, someone might say the world would be boring if we all are to get busy, but then what if lack of self-fulfillment is what make people while away time finding what is not lost in the first place? I once heard someone say- “if you never find fulfillment within yourself as an individual, you will never find fulfilment in the things you do outside of yourself”. In other words, the highest form of fun would be the one we find within ourselves- the fun we find on the path to being who we are called to be. The wholeness destiny brings is fun on its own- think about it.  

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Why The World Is Not A Better Place (1)

Hey people. How are we doing? Hope good? Well, just in case you just asked or wondered, I am good too, thank you. It’s been a less busy week, thank God.

So, a while ago, I wrote an article with a perspective to why the world is not a better place as it were, and came up with a few fundamental reasons- with a trace to how things could have been if everything intended was followed. This article (that would be read by you in a jiffy) was meant to be submitted to one of the popular blogs I freelance for, but then I thought, why not this particular blog? Don’t my people deserve to read insightful articles like this? Hence my decision to post it here, instead of the other blog, as this right here is where home is- with you guys- my readers. Besides, I’m positive that I have a powerful group of intellectuals as readers, especially as suggested by the many feed backs I receive. So here, without further ado or much talking (which I guess I can do….lol), here we go- just as it was written initially:

“Imagine how the world would be like if we had more Bill Gates in the world with regards to his money? The world would be a better and happier place I guess. But then, why is the world as big as it is full of very few rich people who are really making impacts in their field and human life/standard of living in general? I guess there would be two reasons:

·         One- the people who were meant to explore the gifts and talents given to them are not using it

·         Two- A few people who have gotten rich has become so self-centered and self-focused.

Talking about the first reason, a question comes to mind- why are people not using the gifts and talents God gave them? Number one reason perhaps would have been laziness, but because it sounds kind of ‘judgy’, I would say that the number one reason is that people give up quite easily on their dreams in exchange for the comfort zone. We give up easily on our dreams because we fail to see sometimes the big picture; how our success will not only affect us, but also some kids somewhere helpless and waiting for a literal savior. Because truth be told, the Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) we do to give back to the society goes a long way. The child we sponsor in school, the community we give water and as a result have made their lives easier, even the orphanages we build and the children we take care of therein and the likes. But then if there is no money, and we on our own are struggling, how will we remember the children suffering and the helpless elderly handicapped in some ways not to talk of alleviating their needs? That’s why it’s important we all strive to make our dreams a reality, because it’s not only about us, but also about the innocent souls we do not know yet but are attached to us.

And sometimes, it’s not about money, it’s about the heart and willingness to pursue that dream in our heart. Why do I say it’s not always about money sometimes? There was this story I heard about the founder of the slum2school (Makoko kids). He had no direct money to take care of the kids; all he had was the heart and the direction of how to go about it. At the time he decided to take it up as a challenge, it seemed crazy because he himself was a National Youth Corps Member (Corper), having perhaps little. And perhaps the craziest thing was the fact that his passion and the direction he had at the time made him resign his youth Corper job in the bank he was with at the time- who does that? What Corper resigns with a bank literally? But he did anyway, and today, the whole thing is history. The kids are doing great and he is not doing bad either. So could it be that you are still at your comfort zone and the world is waiting for you to come take your place in the universe? Come to think about it- what is your comfort zone? Your job, your friends, your perceieved status; what exactly? Not saying one should resign or leave one’s job, but a thorough examination of one’s heart per time would always show us the way and the next thing to do. That’s why it’s always good to take time out to reflect and connect with our inner self (our intuition) per time. The more we connect with our intuition, the easier it is for it to lead us. Our intuition is our compass and would always point us to the right direction if only we take our time to explore it. And times when what we want to know seems higher than our intuition in terms of knowledge, it points us to God- the Source and Maker of all. 

Sometimes I wonder- what if the person who discovered electricity never did, what would have been the story of the world today? Yes, perhaps someone else would have, but him discovering it at the (perceieved) right time made everything easier. As a matter of fact, his discovery has become a major bedrock all other discoveries and modernizations we have today relies on today. Our modern phones perhaps would have failed to be in existence without his invention. In other words, we all have parts to play in the world for it to be a better place.

Food for thought: Imagine children in the slum who everyone seems to have given up upon going on to become inventors, medical doctors, artists etc all on your account? All because you picked them up and raised them, making sure something becomes of their lives instead of the nothing they have perhaps settled for due to seeming hopelessness and lack of direction? Or better still, Imagine the world that would become better because of your invention?

I once read that the cave we sometimes fear to enter the most holds our greatest treasure. What cave would you say holds your life’s assignment today? Especially such that you are afraid to enter? What is it today that you are holding back on? Remember that it’s not about you alone, but the world as well. We are connected more than we know; far beyond social media, with the success of one depending on that of another in some ways. Life is like a cycle, we all need ourselves to complete the cycle per time. We need to pass our kindness round so the world would be so full of kindness as opposed to the hurts and meanness it carries around today so to speak”.

To be continued.....

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Meghan Markle’s Patience- A Lesson For Ladies?

Hey guys! It’s another exciting edition from the stable of Soul Writer. How have we been? Well, if you ask me, I’ll say I’ve been quite busy. Not necessarily busy with work and running around as it were, but busy delving deep into life and trying to understand the meaning of life, especially my life as it were. For a while, my life has been like broken pieces of bottles scattered across the floor, so all I’ve been doing (and still doing) is picking up the pieces- such that I can gather- to see the whole it makes and what I can deduce of it. I’m at a point whereby I’m assembling my life and seeing what the pieces, the experiences, desires and passion over time can, and will lead me. Perhaps if chance permits, we can delve into this experience of mine as it is worth sharing. But then today, it is not about me, it is about a thought that flashed across my mind and I thought to share: about Meghan Markle- the Duchess of Sussex.

Meghan Markle- I believe she needs no introduction, but just incase some of us are just back from lonely journeys in the jungle and we need a lot of catching up (like I sometimes do), I would make it easier for us. Meghan Markle is a royal princess- an actress, gender activist in her own right turned princess. How did she turn a princess? Well, hers is not the Cinderella kind of story. No fairy godmother appeared to her, no fairy godmother gave her a dress to wear, and most especially- no fairy godmother gave her a pair of slippers that would end up getting lost and leading her to her prince charming from which she would become a princess: there was none of that. She became a princess because she met Prince Harry- a British royal, and she fitted perfectly into who he could have as a wife, especially one aside the fact that he fell in love with her, would survive the bureaucracy of being in the royal house, especially being a princess not by birth, but by marriage. In other word, my dear friend most likely fresh out from the jungle for good reasons- I would say Meghan Markle became a princess because she possessed the mental and intellectual capacity (and morals too I believe) prince Harry desired in a person that would be standing next to him the rest of his life in the royal courts, aside the love in his heart for her.

Ok, so why this topic? You ask. Meghan has been married before, but she divorced based on grounds known to her and perhaps her former husband. But then, perhaps the major reason for this article is the fact that she married at 36. When I heard the news of her pregnancy, some questions came to mind (perhaps because many like me may have been curious about her fertility status since she was married for a couple of years without an issue, despite being quite younger at the time, and the fact that considering her age, it might be assumed that some odds might try to work against her): I wondered why despite the ‘climbing’ of her age as it were, she never for once (at least not that we know of) opted to be a baby mama. This is because as one grows older and as a single person (lady in this case), one might be tempted with the idea of being a single parent- perhaps because you love kids and it warms your heart to see babies in their parents’ hands, not minding the responsibilities having babies naturally create or perhaps because as a lady, you are scared of the much talked about 'biological clock', especially with no worthy suitor in sight. And so I thought- why didn’t she opt to have a baby as done by her colleagues in the industry? Especially in an age where being a single parent (baby mama) is so much in vogue and unquestionable?

Literally, I would say, her patience in waiting till marriage to become a mother (despite her age) is not only commendable, but worth talking about (in my opinion). As a single lady myself, my humanity sometimes make the idea of being a single parent wear an attractive apparel in front of me, with a beautiful catwalk proclaimed nuns might find hard to refuse, but no- for my divinity: my Christian faith, and the fact that I do not see myself prepared as it were to accommodate a new life, whose life at least for the first 18 years of living would be dependently anchored to mine- I have turned a blind eye to the idea. But then, why wouldn’t an actress- secular, and buoyant enough to afford to have a child as it seemed not opt for one despite her increase in age year in year out? Her faith, belief, hope or perhaps a foretelling?

Permit me to digress a bit as I ask- what if she had had a child in her previous marriage? Would it have greatly reduced her chance of becoming a princess as as it were before she got married, she already had things such as age, race, nationality, profession and all stack against her. Would having a baby (or perhaps babies) have made it almost impossible? I wouldn’t say.

In bringing this article home, especially with questions and scenarios raised, I would like to say that as single ladies, waiting mothers, divorced ladies, God knows exactly where we are, and trust me, He has us in mind and at the right time- just when the timing is right, He would bring our desires across our way. Like I asked in the previous paragraph, what if Meghan had had a child, or perhaps children, would she have met her now husband? That I wouldn’t say, but perhaps she would have been somewhere doing mummy duties, and such free time that led her into the space and time she met and got engaged in conversations with her now husband wouldn’t have happened.

This is not to frown against those that are single parents. Life happens and we all know, and the great and mighty thing is that God is able to make all things work together for our good. A great and modern example of this would be Sarah Jakes Roberts- a lady (woman) I adore with the whole of me, given the calling of God upon her life, her story and the Grace showered on her, as it is being showered on us all in areas perhaps the world do not know about but is worthy as being seen as a testimony to the amazement of all.

To you my esteemed reader reading this, I would like you to know that for every seeming delay, there is always a blessing attached if we do not give up. Because in the end, God not only knows what He is doing; He is also never at loss regarding what we are facing. He knows the script He has written for our lives and when the time is right, He would bring the actors we so much desire (in the form of husbands, babies, meaningful friendships) into our lives. And for those with seemingly sad endings (divorce and all), He knows how to meaningfully bring back your life in shape, no matter how bad you think it has become.

So for now dear single lady- relax, pour yourself all you can into your craft, and enjoy life all you can doing the things you love knowing fully well that you are never forgotten by God, and He for sure has you in mind no matter how long it seems it has been. Like a Yoruba adage would say- ‘what is not enough, will in a matter of time become more than enough’.

Do all you can to hold your peace, and when it seems you can’t, surround yourself with people that can help you keep your calm, and most importantly if you ask me- surround yourself with the Love and constant knowledge of God knowing fully well that like a mother painstakingly cares for a child, He cares for you no matter the mistakes you have made in the past, or delay it seems you are facing.

Till I come your way next time- laugh, play and rejoice- knowing fully well that you are loved and remembered by the One who made you- God.

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